does anyone else have a private stash of money?

[bbface]

I am a SAHM, happily married.

I am due to receive a sizeable amount of money. I have told DH it is x amount, but actually I am giving my sister a few thousand pounds on the side, to keep for me without DH knowing.

I do not have any plans for it. All the rest of the money will go into the family pot. Likewise when I had an inheritance a few years ago, ALL that money went into the family pot.

I just like knowing that if I ever need my own money, I have that nest egg to fall back on. As a SAHM I occasionally feel vulnerable. DH is generous, but in arguments he has referred to things as 'my' flat, 'my' car, and that has concerned me, although said in the heat of the moment.

I feel sneaky doing this, but will do regardless.

Has anyone else done similar?

[fabanflabby]

I did have a seperate stash. I had saved cash in an account from my days when I earned decent money and had disposable income - BEFORE KIDS!! Always kept it seperate and secret from my hubby.
I have been stay at home mum now for 5 years and hubby was made redundant 6 months ago - 2 months redundancy payout! Safe to say we were up shit creek - big mortgage and no job!
To be able to hand over 'my stash' and see a grown man reduced to tears as the pressue lifted of paying the mortgage was an absolute joy!
Im glad I saved in a secret account and didnt touch the cash as it has bought us the time to both look for jobs!

[ameliagrey]

bbf

I'm glad you have found some posts helpful- but I still think that it is your decision.
There are couples who have no "secrets" but not all, so you will get lots of different responses.

I suppose one thing you have not said- for understandable reasons- is how much money ?

If it was up to £10K out of an inheritance of say £100K I think that's fine- it's afew month's rent and living expenses. If you were keeping back say £50K out of £250K inheritance, that's different if it makes all the difference between being able to buy or not.



I have a considerable amount of savings, which are a mix of child benefit which was paid to me, and each month I saved over half of it- my kids are now adults. I also have my own ISAs etc, and an account which is for my work as I am S/E. If I manage to save anything from my earnings, I put it into my own accounts, as DH is a higher tax payer and I am not.

It's not secret as such, but as I earn a fraction of what DH earns, it gives me independence if I needed it- though I know it is joint money.

So this is not quite the same as you- but the feeling of security it gives me- that I could support myself for a considerable time if DH and I split, is a comfort.


Why ask your sister rather than put it in an account of your own? Is it because that could be traceable in the event of a divorce?

[MadamDoubtfire]

Why keep the money secret? Why not just have a separate account and tell your DH that you've got some money there for emergencies

I'm in the honesty crowd here. I also slightly doubt the "I'm a happily married ...". Sorry for that

[NotADudeExactly]

But then "happily married" is not the same as "living with Mr Perfect while being perfect", is it?

I consider myself happily married too, but as stated above my DH is frankly useless at saying no to his family's requests for money. He'll have vocal disagreements with them over anything else, but if they were to ask for ten grand his instant response would be yes.

Pretty sure other marriages, even happy ones, also have their issues. It's possibly not perfect, but it's normal and not indicative of a generally bad relationship IME.

[Cheria]

If you can't be open with your DH about money, and feel you need to keep money hidden from him then I don't see why he is your DH to be honest. Yes, things can go wrong, but if you split up you would be legally obliged to disclose all the money you have afaik.

I don't see why you'd be screwed if you broke up. Plenty of women get perfectly reasonable divorce settlements. I understand the need for a couple of hundred to pay for a hotel for a few nights in a real emergency, but asking your sister to hide it, and effectively lie for you?

Tell your husband about it, and say you want to save a certain amount in your name. He won't be able to touch it, but at least it will all be out in the open.

[OneMoreChap]

ameliagrey
^I think you should have managed your finances in a better way whilst you were married. If your ex wife was spending recklessly beyond both your earnings- so much so that you had to take another job- what does that say about you- and her? Money management doesn't seem to have been something either of you excelled at!

It would appear not that you were overly responsible, but that were in fact irresponsible, by "allowing" your wife to over spend so much so that you had to work another 3 nights a week to pay for her extravagances.^

Did you miss the bit about secrets?
Or was the drive to blame a chap too much to resist?

I didn't know about the cleaner.
My salary went into the joint account.
She put some of hers in.
She lied about her secret stash.

As many of you appear to be recommending that the OP should do.
I hope her partner is making sure he has a secret stash, too.