Seperation early days, what's it like?

[katkin73]

Long story but have found instant messenger messages from husband to another woman planning on meeting in a hotel, I can't live with that, want separation but terrified :( been together 21 years married 11, 2 young kids. How will I cope, I'm not strong mentally and am scared but will never trust him again. What is it like, how have others here coped?
Thanks :(

I can only imagine how scared you are feelin with the idea of seperatin from your husband, especially after 21 years and 2 children. Seperation is hard at the beginnin because its not your routine, its out of your comfort zone etc but you will cope and you'll stay strong for the sake of your children. Scream, shout, cry..do whatever you need to do in your own company but not infront of your husband. Let it sink in, get it out of your system then tell him calmly what your plannin to do, that way you'll be in control. Even if you do choose to stay with him, you cant keep your feelins bottled up otherwise it'll eat away at you..that I do know. I lost so much weight, my hair fell out in chunks, I took it out on the people closest to me..I was headin in a downwards spiral so if you do choose to move on from it, make sure your feelins are known. Seperation will be hard at first and you'll want to contact him etc but believe me it will get easier in time. Try to find thigns to keep your mind occupied, like your children, family? friends? Fall asleep listenin to music so your not thinkin too much at night time. When one door closes, another one opens :) Stay strong, stay in control. You and your children deserve better. Best wishes xxx

Sorry to hear what's happened. Take care of yourself as no 1 priority, if you can take the kids out and have some fun over the weekend or something easy or if you can get him to have the DCs then find time to be on your own.
Read some of the other threads here:
Saffysmum - 22 years - is brilliant, wonderful narrative from a very strong woman and is absolutely wonderful now. It's not just what she went through but seeing the support from other MNers.

bit liberating at first (i was a bit giddy with my sudden freedom) if its been bad for a while, then sad and lonely for a while. tricky if the guy is on at you a lot was times were i would have taken him back in a heart beat if he had asked in that second.
but after that time i realised i had made the best decision i had ever made mostly as well because he kept breaking my heart even after we were broken up, still telling me he loved me and wanted me back but shitting all over me (metaphorically).
two years later and he still tells me he wants me back and there is nothing now i could never have imagined i wouldnt feel love for him, but i dont i have moved on and am happy i dont even have to think about his crap. if you dont feel strong you need to find a way to get there because you will need to be for yourself and your dc. good luck.

Separation - 3 days, married 24 yrs - together 32 yrs. I can only say sweetie that I am still here, in one piece, actually lying nxt to my dd(7yrs) whilst she sleeps. Feel so lonely and bereft, but angry too. My DH had an affair with a very young women, says he loves her, cares for me deeply - but not in love with me. I am devastated, can't imagine life on my own, its like we were joined - but then I am angry and saw today when I had to tell my girls daddy was not coming home, the devastation that he has caused. No-one has the right to cause you this pain. I too found out via the computer - men are so stupid!

I think that my feelings of anger are part of the process - I am sure there is far more to come, but my girls will be my strength. Find yr strength and then stay true to yourself. Picture your end goal, and then try to imagine what it feels like to be there. If that feeling is worth it - you must bear the pain - or so I am told. Stay strong. happy for you to contact me offline if you need a friend to go through this with you.

hi katkin, in a very similar position. Together for 16 years, married for 11. STBEH moved out to his new home a couple of weeks ago and we are just starting mediation. I found out about his affair in the spring. Yet another dick who can't take the day to day drudge of family life. I really have no respect left for him. I have dreadful days tho' - just sit there and cry or shout at DS for doing, well actually quite naughty things. My feeling now is that 2011 will not be great but that 2012 will be good. My big fear is will I ever meet anyone else and actually just reading some of the many threads on here is so supportive. People seem to grow and grow as time goes on. Hope I do too.

Have you told your H what you've discovered OP?