How long would you put up with dh sex and intimacy problems?

[gemitygem]

Am just wondering, obvioulsy not something I can discuss with many people so a post on here is just what I need!

Dh has had a erection problem since we have been together for 7 years. I have put up with the problem and taken it on as my own too. We have had 4 children remarkably together in the 7 years, the last two very difficult to conceive due to the problem.

We have only had sex probably around 20 times in the 7 years, but have had lots of foreplay and been intimate ect. I have said enough is enough now and we are going to see a sex therapist. This has been difficult for me as I am suffering with blaming myself for the problem, but I have recently felt much better as told dh if it is not better this time next year I want to split up.

The sex therapist gives us tasks and we had our first task given last week. Dh wanted to wait till the weekend to do it, so ok far enough. Come Saturday no mention of the doing the task came from dh and I had to remind him that I was going to be leaving him if things did not change, so we did it and it went well.

Dh has promised me that he is going to take me away somewhere for a weekend to do our next task, things like this have been promised before and as dh gets scared of what might be involved in going away together he avoids talking about it and doesn't take me.

I am now preparing that I may have to face life as a single mum and somehow feel rather impowered by this that I will do it on my own.

How long would you put up with this sort of behavour from dh?

All this debate in this thread about custody, treating male and female OPs the same, partners being 'hornier' than the other etc is crap and callous.

It's taken over the thread, scared the OP off, and drowned out the few of us who, like the OP, have had a partner with a diagnosed sexual dysfunction (I'll say it again for the cheap seats - NOT a lower sex drive, an actual dysfunction).

My personal view is that the 'you wouldn't be saying this to a female/male OP' is valid is if the OP is getting a pasting. If the OP is being treated empathetically, then what is the issue? Ae we really going to slag off posters for not being harsh with the OP? Really?

'A lot of it is simply the difficulty of working part time, which applies equally to men when they want to work part time. (Which is not to say, of course, that discrimination against women doesn't exist, in other ways.)'

Where your argument goes off the rails here is when you try to imply that men and women alike are affected by the problems of trying to work part time. As you are no doubt aware, from your experience, trying to work part time with child friendly hours is like the quest for the holy grail, but what you fail to acknowledge is that the vast majority of people trying to work part time and make ends meet are women, and not men. So yes, the difficulties of working part time are felt equally by those men and women who try it, but far more women than men are affected by the problems of part time work/childcare.

You may well know lots of people who juggle their careers the way you and your wife do, but you and your social circle are a drop in the ocean.

And sigh but once again, while this issue between the OP and her H concerns sex, what she wants to see right now is at least the desire to make the effort that he himself has said to her and to a therapist that he will make -- the real problem is a very passive aggressive man who apparently needs to be persuaded that having a sex life with his wife might be a Nice Thing for him too. You may try to make this into some debate about double standards all you like, but the OP is a living, breathing person whose feelings and self esteem are being gravely injured by her H's refusal to show her some sign that he cares about their relationship. She didn't get married in order to live with a roommate.

LindenAvery -- I don't think it was the arrival of children that ended the sex in the OP's marriage. But I don't think anyone can answer the question you raised until they're actually in the thick of it. I personally didn't have a clue about what the word 'tired' really meant until DD1 was home from the hospital. Some things you just can't even imagine until they happen.