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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

FREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEDOM!!!

67 replies

sarahinphuket · 01/12/2005 15:51

Well, he's gone. I have told him I no longer want to be with him, cannot live this way anymore and that he has to go.

So he went on Saturday. He did come back briefly last night, as I think he thought I was bluffing as has happened before and I have just let him come back. But this time I made it perfectly perfectly clear. He is under no illusions.

Now I have the problem that all his stuff is still here, and he still has his keys. But I've told all my friends and family that we have separated - so this ensures that I will not go back on it. I have to stay strong on this for my DDs sake.

And you know what? I feel as though a weight has been lifted. THings have been so bad for so long, that I have already done all the grieveing for a lost relationship, now I just want to start my new life and get on with things. DD is much calmer too.

The only thing that worries me is what happens if he suddenly gets very angry when he is pissed, and then comes back. Am a bit freaked out by that idea. Also worried that he might steal DD and take here somewhere where I can't find her

BUT in the meantime I am free.

OP posts:
cod · 01/12/2005 15:51

Message withdrawn

Bozza · 01/12/2005 15:52

Can't you change the locks?

Original poster
sarahinphuket · 01/12/2005 15:57

too many things have happened cod, one of the tghings that topped it all wsa a couple of weeks ago. I had been out with Lou33 when she was here.

H and I had had a huge row before I went out - and I was totally scared because of the look in his eyes and the way he was breathing - I have never seen him like that before, even though we have had an extremely volatile relationship always.

Anyway, when I got home at 3 am (that is Lou's fault!!!!!) he had already gone out leaving DD alone in the house (she is 2.5). He had called me to tell me that he was planning to go out, but I had asked him to wait till I got there. But when I got there he had gone - probebly only for 2-3 mins but that is not the point is it. All because he wanted a drink.

Something just cliked inside me and I made my decision there and then. He moved out shortly after, but he thought it was only temporary. During this time DD spent 2 nights in hospital - so I called him to come and see her. He stayed in hospital with us the first night, but then on the second night decided that he wanted to go off drinking instead.

As for staying here - yes I will. I have a great job which I love, I love it here, it is sunny for 6 months of the year! I will stay until at least the end of this contract (2007) and possibly for another 2 year one after that.

OP posts:
Original poster
sarahinphuket · 01/12/2005 15:59

bit difficult to change the locks as my living arrangements are complicated!

OP posts:
cod · 01/12/2005 15:59

Message withdrawn

Original poster
sarahinphuket · 01/12/2005 16:01

yes to both cod. we just need to take our marriage certificates to the district office. ten minutes and 50p later it is done - same as the getting married bit!

OP posts:
cod · 01/12/2005 16:02

Message withdrawn

walkinginawinterBundleland · 01/12/2005 16:03

double-wow, sarah!

Original poster
sarahinphuket · 01/12/2005 16:05

hopefully the week after - have to wait till i'm on hols from work.

i feel a bit bad cos he was really upset when i told him to leave again last night..........BUT he has brought it on himself and I have to keep remembering that. he has had five million chances during the last 8 years. i have always been too soft up until now.

hmmm..................now, might go window shopping to see if i can find a younger model - have had it with older men for the time being! i feel the need to inject a bit of fun and laughter into my life again - can't remember the last time I had that. Also want the real me to come back

OP posts:
Lemmingswife · 01/12/2005 16:16

Well done Sarah! You have done the right thing.

ninah · 01/12/2005 16:21

I'm joining you and binning mine

gggimmesnowsnow · 01/12/2005 16:22

I know exactly how you are feeling, Sarah. Great, isn't it?

I remember you posting about this ages ago. Fab to see that you are on the up again.

Original poster
sarahinphuket · 01/12/2005 16:28

thanks girls

i do feel good.

the turning point was when i started to talk about the problems............up until then i had bottled it all up. as soon as i started to open up to my closest friends i could see from their reaction that what i thought was a 'normal' existence was in fact far from normal.

OP posts:
Original poster
sarahinphuket · 01/12/2005 16:33

now i might need to go and see if cute beach boy is still there.....................................

OP posts:
ninah · 01/12/2005 16:44

know just what you mean about the 'normal' thing!
distinct lack of beach boys in Essex, sadly, but good luck to you!

Original poster
sarahinphuket · 01/12/2005 16:54

come and visit me in Phuket ninah - there are plenty here muscles and six-packs abound!

OP posts:
shannen · 02/12/2005 12:32

Well done SIP, I remember you from stressedmummys thread. I am in the process of trying to convince P that we are finished, but am having difficulty in persuading him that I mean it. Not looking forward to this weekend but you have inspired me with that feeling I can imagine of a weight being lifted. good luck.

beejay · 02/12/2005 13:30

Oh well done Sarah sounds like you made the right decision. I binned mine last year after 7 years and I haven't regretted it for a second.I found it really useful to write a list of all the crap things he had ever done and the things that annoyed me about him which I looked at whenever i felt like I was wavering, though to be honest I didn't waver much and my only regret is that id didn't do it sooner!

NutcrackingXmas · 02/12/2005 13:32

Good for you, sounds like you made the right desicion.

cod · 02/12/2005 13:33

Message withdrawn

NutcrackingXmas · 02/12/2005 13:34

Ok, i've put my cuppa down, am concentrating hard and frowning, but I still can't figure out that last post Cod.

SnowQueenVictoria · 02/12/2005 13:38

Link to original threads please so i can see what sarahinphuket thought was normal.

Wow - the drugs DO work

NutcrackingXmas · 02/12/2005 13:40

Thanks for clearing that up

cod · 02/12/2005 13:40

Message withdrawn

Original poster
sarahinphuket · 02/12/2005 15:06

yep it's good to have done it - though i do feel a bit bad cos he was upset. still, he should reallyt have though of that before.

he just called to ask if he can take DD out for the day on Sunday.......i said ok...have to let him and try not to worry.

am just wondering whether or not to go to the beach tomorrow night where a fairly cute blokie works.........with an impossibly nice bod.....all muscly arms and flat stomach.!

OP posts: