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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Dating again

7 replies

memeandmine · 26/07/2011 22:35

Just beginning to consider dating again after 5 years of self imposed celibacy (good reasons).

Any advice for saying "no thanks" if I set someone for coffee who does not float my boat etc

It's only coffee right? I can just say....the right spark wasn't there, without it sounding horrid can't I?

It's been too long since I did this....hey they might not like me either right?

OP posts:

JaceyBee · 26/07/2011 22:41

Hi memeandmine, I have no advice sorry but am in a similar position so will be watching with interest!

It was suggested I try internet dating but am just not sure at all about the etiquette, think I would find it well cringy to say I just wasn't feeling it. And what if they did the same to me, you must need to develop skin like a rhino!

samhaircin · 26/07/2011 22:51

Yes I think it is fine to day the spark was not there for you. This is a common thing for people who are dating so people are used to it and if they are any way decent should be able to take it on the chin. I just started internet dating and felt really awkward turning someone down, but I think so long as it is done politely it is fine and it is better to be honest as otherwise they are wasting their time also.

Original poster

memeandmine · 27/07/2011 08:21

Oh thank you....am so nervous. Meeting someone for coffee next week.

Also - is it usual for men to use terms of endearment when they've never met you?
Bloke I am meeting next week starts all his messages to me as "hello gorgeous". Very flattering but he's only seen a photo of my face......I am not BBW but not exactly just "a few extra pounds" either.

I am fully prepared for the " spark not there for me love" comments - am going to have to take those on the chin and move on.

OP posts:

ohgawdherewegoagain · 27/07/2011 10:36

I've done the internet thing and the first time someone said, "no spark" was very difficult for me. The fact that there wasn't for me either didn't come into it! Better to conclude matters though - I hate the silences and personally wouldn't leave it like that.

Good luck and only do what you feel comfortable to do.

Downunderdolly · 27/07/2011 11:41

I say/text depending on how the question is asked in terms of wanting another date 'I'll be honest and say that I - as I'm sure you felt too - didn't feel a real connection but I very much enjoyed meeting with you and wish you all the best...etc etc' - I find by alluding to the fact that they thought so too (even if they were super keen) helps keep things 'nice' - good luck with your date - I hope you have fun x

Original poster

memeandmine · 27/07/2011 11:48

Thank you for the ideas and responses and extra thank you for DownunderDolly for giving me an idea of what to write in a text/say in a call.

It's all so new again lol

OP posts:

Downunderdolly · 27/07/2011 11:58

np! also if they insist on paying - which I always try and say no to but sometimes doesn't work as it recently didn't with someone I knew I didn't want to see again - I add 'I'm conscious that I owe your lunch/dinner/drinks/coffee so if you would like to meet up as friends let me know and its my treat (they never do but I feel like this is fair and nice - obv if they were an arse I woudn't ; )

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