Possible father of my child gone totally AWOL

[99to1]

For reasons too complicated to go into, there are two possible fathers of my 6 month foetus. I know it's bad so there's no point judging me as I've done that enough for everyone.

One is 99% likely to be the dad (I'll call him 99)
One is 1% likely to be the dad (I'll call him 1)

99 doesn't know about 1, and is totally behind me, wants to be supportive, wants the child, wants a full on relationship marriage etc He has no idea that there is any chance the baby isn't his. I'm 99% sure he is the dad because we were having a lot of unprotected sex around the time I conceived. I want him to be the dad.

1 does know about 99. When I told him I was pg it never even crossed his, or my, mind that he could be the dad (it was a one-off and we'd used a condom). Then my doubts started creeping in and I told him about them. He told me not to be so ridiculous but that if it did turn out that way he'd be totally there for me. I last saw him in June when I again mentioned my worries, he replied "God are you still on about that? what's it matter anyway, 99 will never know". I was a bit stunned by this as it obviously matters, there is no way I would have 99 unknowingly bringing up another man's child. Since that meeting I've heard nothing. Our friendship had complicated dynamics around our history together, but it was a genuine friendship and there was love. For the past few years he has been pestering me to start a relationship with him but I told him it wasn't going to happen (mainly because of 99). I am stunned he could be so heartless and unsupportive at this time, in addition to being surprised that he wouldn't jump at the chance to get what he wants even if it's because of an unplanned pregnancy. It takes two to tango and I want him to face up to it since I have to too.

It seems like 1 has slunk away from our friendship and is hoping to slink away from his responsibilities as a father, if he is the father. I want to make sure this doesn't happen but I don't know how to handle it. I can only really communicate with 1 now by text or phone, or MSN/email as we never have cause to see each other. As I say, since June he has been incommunicado. Alternatively I think it's possible that he is totally convinced that 99 is the father, and he is finding that hard to deal with, and that might be why he's gone AWOL. I could be wrong.

Notwithstanding that none of you would've been stupid enough to get into this situation in the first place, what would you do?

I'm sorry but I find people like yourself annoying; I don't like people who are immoral as such but as long as they are self-aware and don't expect good treatment from others, they don't get on my wick as such. Likewise, I've got time for those who are morally virtuous, but hypocrites (actually you are not a hypocrite as I honestly do not think you have any self-awareness that you are doing wrong. To be honest, you seem narcisstic to me) annoy me.

You must realise that it is YOU that is coming across here as the immoral one? Surely you do?

imperialblether, PLEASE delete your search history before your DP sees you've been googling paternity testing. I can just see the next relationships thread.

I find it so sad that people think it is okay to let a man think he is bringing up his own child and more cruelly le t a child think 99 is his father when no one knows for sure. Doesn't blood count for anything any more?

And YY I know all about the it takes a special person to be a dad and anyone can be a father.

@ Jenny. There is no DP here (thank god.) And he could hardly deny those kids are his, either! If they don't look like him, they act like him!

If I knew '99' and '1' I I would now-in the words of Iron Maiden- tell them to 'Run to the hills. Run for your life' and only come down when a paternity test has been carried out.
'99' may wish to bring up another man's child in a relationship with OP ('1' clearly does not want a relationship with opening poster), however, I would advise him to not have a relationship with anybody so amoral and instead either fight for custody or play a very active role in child's life without having relationship with mother.
Seriously, the opening poster does not seem like a normal person who is full of remorse and guilt over their actions who deserves a second stab at making a go of things with their partner.
It's all a bit 'me, me' me' and of how disrespected she feels, isn't it? No real mention of how bad she feels for anybody else.

Wasn't this a plot in The Archers a while back :o

As a middleaged woman who has just found out the family secret.. dad is not bio dad, I suggest telling the truth asap, secrets kept for a long time increase in power believe me!

I read this thread and I can't get ice-creams or the series 'The Prisoner' out of my head.