I think I've decided I can't be arsed to find ''the one''.

[toptramp]

I am so bored of the dating scene. I am bored of having to make myself ''pleasing'' too men. i'm bored of the games, the agonising, the abusive control freaks and the assumption that I must be looking for a husband.
I wouldn't mind the occasional shag but even that can be overrated and i am pretty sure that I don't want more kids. I think I want to take up pottery again and just get really into art, focus on dd, being myself and my spiritual path. I am so bored of this assumption that we have to be in a couple to be fullfiled and I'm fed up of getting hurt. I will probably be on here winging again soon about how I can't keep a man but at the moment I am not at all lonely without one in my life.

I once heard someone say that marriage is like flies at a window.

THose on the outside want to get in and those on the inside want to get out

I'm going on my last internet date on Wednesday as I'm giving it up. It's a fucking ballache, you have to wade through loads of shit to even weed out an ounce of truth.

I've never believed in 'the one' but would like to find 'You'll do for now' for copious amounts of sex and attention.

Ho hum

I'm a single-dad, and believe me dating, particularly Internet dating, is a nightmare.

Totally with you TT, been on my own now for ages and can't be arsed either. This is a good article by Alain de Botton on the myth of modern marriage.www.bbc.co.uk/news/magazine-14248803

The One doesn't exist anyway, I reckon. The People You Can Put Up With Most Of The Time do - and quite a few of them are good fun. But for now, your pottery plans sound...divine .

No no no we haven't split up, still totally together!

I don't think there is just One out there, either. Mr/Ms Perfect is often Perfect Right Now But Not In 10 Years Time.

amitooOld, very good article you linked to. Thanks

I thought me and ex dp would be together forever, I wouldn't have had a child with him if I didn't believe that. We are no longer together, and I'm a lot happier than I have been for years. I have no desire to be in a relationship at all, I can prioritise my dc and myself, without having to make anyone else happy. If I do get into another relationship, it will be a long time in the future, possibly not until dc is grown up, as I can't put him at risk of being hurt if I had another unsuccessful relationship.
Have had 2 long term relationships, and now I need time for myself, and to think about what went wrong.

The way I see it:

Best option: really great relationship
Second best: being independent
Worst by a long way: less than great relationship

If you live without a man I highly recommend getting a set of powertools and teaching yourself DIY. Nothing like it for instilling a deep sense of being able to stand on your own two feet and, more importantly, it's great fun!

Oh I can so relate to this: sometimes I get really pissed off that society is geared towards couples - some folks really can't understand that's I'm doing ok on my own. I relish my independence now and love being in charge of my life.

I really think a fuck buddy is the way to go. Get the libido tickled occasionally but don't have to put up with the annoying habits or even wash their socks.

I don't even think "the one" exists. Well, I did when I married my exH but that was bollocks

fuck buddy isn't the way to go, on what most people who have been there (incl me) say about it. Unless you are a totally unfeeling psycho - but if you find one such you will prob. hate them!!

I cant be arsed either. I'm happy being on my own with the kids. The attention was nice with the very short fling with a friend of a friend but I'm not that bothered about going down that road again.

No Awesome, don't wreck my theory

I don't think I am a psycho, unfeeling or otherwise so maybe not...

After a 14-year live-in relationship that went tits up, I have to say I'm doing very well now with a long-distance relationship. I love him and I'm committed to him but I don't think I could be arsed to live in the same country as him. It works very well for me, I'm keeping my fingers crossed he doesn't start pushing for marriage or living together. One size does not fit all, relationship-wise!

Unless I meet a man who can actually HELP with things - around the house, make me laugh or be at least useful and fun company I'm not bothering again. Every man I've seen either can't do anything useful - clean, DIY, cook or rely on me for money or a roof over their heads. What do men think we get out of this?

Fed up of being a mother to men over 28! My ex is 31 at the end of this month and had NEVER CHANGED A LIGHTBULB, I mean WTF?!

sorry msbottom. Trouble is, fucking as buddies has to be worth it to continue - and that means caring about the other person's sexual satisfaction - and it's that caring thing that provides the seeds(pun not intended) of the whole proposition. Tough to leave it at the bedroom door, or the kitchen door, or the shed door, or wherever. Stranger sex a la Last Tango in Paris prob. has better chance for longevity.
Could be totally wrong of course.

seeds of its own destruction, obv.

Awesome, what if I was to put a paper bag over his head?

Lizzabadger you have hit the nail on the head, when I bought a set of screwdrivers from the pound shop it was one of the most liberating days of my life!

I got a brown paper bag to put over DP's head, but sadly I tore it by rummaging through it for food.

Honestly, the more I learn to do for myself, fuseboxes and boilers and DIY and all the rest, the more I realise I was short-changing myself in my previous relationship. Any one who enters my life these days has to be able to enrich it and make it more interesting and better in ways that have nothing to do with the daily grind and be a demon in the sack And I am pretty sure that there are a gazilion other men out there who would add interest to my life, should this all go wrong too. Which of course I hope it doesn't.

DP is the same, he discovered after his divorce how much he absolutely adores cooking, which has been a whole new exploration for him. But he isn't keen on garlic, which of course I am using as a means of explaining how we can NEVER live together.

Don't blame you. If I ever split up with DH, which isn't in my life plan, then I really CBA to start again. Too much like hard work. I was on my own mostly between 28 and 35, apart from a few short relationships and I was a lot happier that way, mostly. Even though sometimes I wished I had someone I could off-load the responsibility of everything onto, even for just a day - I'd still sooner go back to that than trying to find a decent bloke again.

I've officially given up looking in my home town for a partner. I have been largely single since finally splittling with my ex-husband in 2008. Had a couple of bf's since then but nothing longer than 8 months. However, I am moving to a new city 120 miles away next year and would love to meet someone then as I do feel really lonely at the moment. Fair enough OP for feeling the way you do and I hope you find happiness.

i was totally happy single for 5 years in the second half of my 20s.. i can count on the fingers of one hand how many times i was lonely in that time, i had such a great and full life.

then i met my DH, he had also been mostly single and we are both very inependent and self reliant people. we're happy together now, but we both know that we are together because we choose each other not because we need each other.