The Brave Babes Battle Bus - We're All Going On A Sober Holiday!

[Mouseface]

Hello, I'm Mouse

Welcome to the Brave Babe's Bus. This is a bus full of drinkers old and new, sober and not, and those who are somewhere in between.

We are all at different levels of sober so you can bet that one of us has walked in your shoes.

If you want advice and support then you're in the right place.

Come take a seat or just lurk, we're happy to have you along for the ride.

And here is a link to the last thread so you can catch up on the journey so far HERE

Finish this evening for a weeks holidays (although have to work next Thursday due to other girl in office having hospital appointment but taking the following Monday off instead) so in that time I hope to keep my alcohol intake to a minimum, get the Lundy Bancroft book on Emotional Abuse and read through it because even though its over 14 years since I was in an abusive marriage I think what I went through has affected how I feel about myself ever since. I hope to get my house into some semblance of order and kick-start a diet and exercise routine.

If I manage all that, I will be a new woman . Not projecting here, just trying to put some sort of plan into action. Really need the break from work as it's stressing me out. So will probably be next Thursday before I get to post again. Hope you all have a peaceful, sober time till next we meet.

obrigada I think that it is possible to make decisions about our lives without actually taking responsibility for them e.g. procrastinating about applying for a promotion until time runs out and the deadline has passed. In my experience those kinds of decisions feel a bit draining, because I know that it's a cop out, and also because I haven't really thought about it rationally, then I don't really know why/how I've got to that point so it doesn't help me for the next time.

Or it is possible to make decisions where you make a choice and take responsibility for it e.g. I have decided that today I will not drink. Again, in my experience, making those kinds of decisions feel somehow more energising - maybe because I've stopped mulling it over and have more mental energy left for other thoughts, or maybe becuase I feel more in control than if I let circumstances dictate....

When I read your post you used phrases like "stuck in a cycle of existing" and "energy levels non-existant" and lurching from day to day". I have to say that all of those sounded rather flat and draining. The latter part of your post was such a contrast, you 'decided' not to drink, and you spoke about your walk, and it felt much more energetic and certain.

I find that the more I make active or conscious decisions, the more I feel in control of my life, and therefore more able and energetic to cope with things that happen that are unexpected, or that I can't control. It also becomes a very affirmative process for making other positive decisions. So for example, drinking V8 juice in the morning (which i love btw) feels more than just a decision to have a glass of juice, it also feels like the first decision of the day about eating plenty of fruit and veg, and then makes it bizarrely easier to decide to eat a banana mid-morning, rather than a kit-kat. If that makes me sound a bit ocd, then come and look at my messy house, and know that I'm not .

In relation to drinking, I find it helps me to make lots of active decisions throughout the day. So posting on here that today I won't be drinking, going shopping and purposefully buying non-alcohlic drinks, deliberately making sure that there are ice-cubes in the freezer etc. When I don't do any of these things I have on ocassion found myself much more tempted in the evening, and if I'm honest with myself, it arises from a series of passive decisions that I won't bother to put ice in the feezer, or buy soda water. By doing so I'm undermining my decision making, and subtly giving myself permission to go and buy a nice cold bottle of wine from the fridge in the local shop in preference to drinking luke warm lime juice with flat soda. (Funnily it the cold wine no the cold organe juice that attracts my attention in the shop ).

Anyway, apologies for the extremely long post, you'll probably never ask me anything again . And of course what I've written is based on anecdotal evidence with a sample size of one, where the researcher and the subject are one and the same. It would probably not win many Nobel Prizes, but if it helps to keep me sober, that's just fine for me.

obrigada I too was in a marriage where my exh was physically and financially controlling, and maybe that is why I find it so liberating and energising to be in control and make my own decisions. I left that relationship 17 years ago, and it's pretty much all resolved, but yes, I do see it playing out in my life, still.

Enjoy your holiday, and enjoy your exercise routine.

venus your post made so much sense to me and I am grateful for you taking the time to explain it so well. I can see now how all those little 'non' decisions can have such a big impact.

I am a terrible procrastinator. Oh, alright, I'll admit it, I'm lazy . But labelling myself like that is perhaps giving me an excuse to put off all the things I need to do to get to where I want to be.

Not just drinking, but all sorts of things in life. I not only have a 'to do' list but even a 'to do' drawer!

saf take some nice cold juice with you, so at least your first drink is covered.

And don't visualise the cold beer, that's a a trick of the advertising industry, instead visualise a refreshing lemon / lime juice, visualise feeling bright and alert and awake and entirely sober.

And if needs be visualise the horrid sticky feeling of too much beer, the slightly headyachy feel, the gassy tummy.

And enjoy your evening

Hello,

Obrigada I too, hope I haven't missed you. It sounds like you have a great week planned. Have a good holiday. "See you" soon.

I would like to visualise a nice, cold glass of wine (or would I?), as it's Friday night, but I have a couple of hours driving to the airport, and back tonight, so I have metamorphasised it into a tall glass of icy sparkly water with lime, which I am drinking at the moment.

I'm hoping to be back in time to see "Miranda" at 9.30, which makes me laugh, but Dc tells me it is "sad!".
xxx

hi all. good to see some familiar faces as well as lovely newbies.
We have a big family party tomorrow - the first time me and my four broth
ers and sisters have been together in about 12 years. All the grand-children are here too, bar one, so it should be a fun day. All going kayaking in the afternoon, then a game of cricket, then loads of food and drink.
Looking forward to it but will be keeping an eye on my intake.
mouse take care of yourself.
thursohope the weekend isn't too bad!

whew!! - i have really struggled this evening! sooooooo tempted to ask for a glass of wine, got very resentful and sulky and have managed to spoil dinner out with dh by being a mare, dont know why it happened, it just did - the only thing that helped was watching a table full of guys get more and more pissed and horrible, just kept repeating in my head that i didnt want to feel like shite and let myself down by giving in - christ almighty its been hard this evening - im off to bed in mo, i think a good nights sleep is what need (and a kick up the bum for being so fucking petulant! )

That's really great Saf. Did your friend think it unusual that you didn't drink?

I feel better this evening. DH did get a bottle of wine for me (I didn't ask for it). But I haven't opened it and am not going to. I'll be off to bed soon anyway.

sorry saf -so wrapped up in 'me' i didnt read your post fully 6 days!! fantastic! i hope you are proud of yourself!

jesus the important thing is that you didn't drink and I'm sure your DH would rather put up with a little bit of stroppiness and footstamping instead. Have a lovely sleep
Night x

thornrose, jemima have been thinking of you both. Hope you had a better day today. Sleep well.

Hi everyone,

Well, everything delayed at gatwick for about 2 hours, so have just got back home.

Ma weekend has started badly . Bloody Dh got in before I did, having done a barbecue for his friends at work, and played rounders, what a fucking jolly jape.

I feel like I am the grown up here, and am very fed up about it.

JWN I imagine you are asleep now, but very well done for resisting............., this time of night, and I'm still not sure that I shall. You are not petulant, just brilliant (it sort of rhymes!!).

Sleep tight all
xxx

well done jesus, well done saf (and well done any others).

thurso how are you this morning? Is it this weekend that you dcs are both away? Is that what is contributing to making you feel down? thurso I sense that you are on the brink a some massive changes in your life, and that for a long, long time (perhaps for as long as you can remember) you have defined yourself in terms of the other people around you - someone's daughter, someone's wife, someone's mother... Now with your wonderful ds's growing up some of your self perception will be changing, yes you will always be thier mother, but your role will change subtly and not-so-subtly. And it doesn't sound like it's enough for you just to be a wife to your dh. That is NOT to say that there is anything wrong with your marriage, just that you are are wife and so, so much more.

I know that you know all this, and you are 'defining' yourself. Taking on new responsibilities at work, doing your course, developing a career and a profession. It feels scary sometimes, because those roles are about YOU. You in all your strength, and you in all your vulnerability. Sometimes that process will go well and you will feel as if you might just make it. And sometimes it will not go so well, for whatever reason, and you might feel every put-yourself-down emotion come crowding in again. In some ways, probably not dissimilar to what your dcs are going through too. Of course they give the appearance of every having every youthful confidence, but they get that from seeing you and dh deal with setbacks, and from instilling in them strong beliefs that they are both loved and lovable.

Oh heck, where is my ramble going??? I just wanted to say thurso that you are a lovely, witty, capable woman - I know . Don't let the changes in your life push you. Don't let yourself retreat into being defined by your dh's 'boyish' behaviour. Be who you are, and who you can be. It's scary, I know, but I bet you anything that THAT thurso is every bit as lovely (and more) than the thurso you've been so far.

Anyway, after all that, I really came on to gee myself up. We have a wonderful evening planned to celebrate my birthday. Just my much loved and closest family, (dcs, dsis, dsils etc) and the food, oh the wonderful food that we have planned [swoon].

But of course the wine will be flowing. Just not in my direction. I read JWN's post last night, and I could just see that I could be headed to that mood tonight. Fighting off the urge, feeling resentful, being a moody cow (it's my party and I'll sulk if I want to...).

But I know, I KNOW exactly how it would turn out... I'd not just want a lovely glass of something to accompany the food, I'd want loads. Irrespective of whether I'd make a fool of myself (not really prone to that one too often), I know that instead of enjoying each morsel of food and basking in the company and heartfelt love of my family, I'd be spending most minutes (maybe even every minute) working out how much wine I had in my glass, hoping that someone would top up my glass and not notice too much that I was drinking at twice the speed of everyone else. I'd be irritated with my dp for not opening the next bottle quickly enough (allegedly not being attentive enough to the guests - ha!). I'd be panicing if people started to decline a drink, because then there would be a risk that NO MORE would be opened, if I didn't insist, and I'd be wishing that I had a secret bottle hidden away somewhere in case that happened. In anticipation of that awful scenario, I might even have a few drinks before everyone arrived, to make sure that I wasn't left wanting, later on in the evening. And I'd go to bed, having spent a fortune on fine food, knowing that all I really cared about was getting those few extra glasses of wine. What a fucking waste of a wonderful evening.

So having played the film through to the end (avoiding the sawdust mouth, the bad sleep, the sweating, the snoring, the rough shaky feeling the next morning, the glare of rows and rows of bottles) I can now say with more confidence. Babes, tonight I will not be drinking.

And venus on the other side of the coin is how fab you will feel tomorrow morning when you come here and tell us about how you were the hostess with the mostess on your wonderful evening, with mouthwatering cuisine, scintilating conversation and sparkling birthday girl tiara! You won't feel miserable and petualant, you will feel oh la la, I feel fantastic !!!

Not telling you how to feel or anything

Hi! Complete Newbie (1st post).
My lurking has brought me here & I was just wondering if there's room on the bus for me?

My day 1 has arrived. I have to do this & am determined because I know I have a problem.

Hello Deeli and welcome to the bus. Fairly new myself but have found a wonderful place to come for help, support and a bit of a giggle sometimes

Keep posting if you can, lots of us feel it really helps, especially when we're a bit low for one reason or another.

Hi Saf day 5 for me, feeling groovy thanks.

WOW DAY 7 !! How do you feel compared to one week ago? Not sure about the Plan B thing. Personally, don't think it would work for me but does make sense as a 'damage limitation' exercise. Hopefully lots of other lovely Babes will be along in a mo.

Oh Deeli forgot to say, have you got lots of lovely non-alcoholic drinks to hand. If not, get some as soon as you can. My favourite is lime cordial and soda water with lots of ice. And try to eat whatever you fancy. Take it one day at time.

Today I will not be drinking.