I know what I should do but .....
this is a long story. Eighteen months ago, I found out my husband had been having an affair for the past year with one of my best friends. I had deep down suspected and asked them both but with two children and a job, was just surviving and trying to do my best. They both denied it when I asked them. I finally found out in a particularly unpleasant way.
I thought she would leave her partner and mine would leave and they would move intogether, which seemed the plan. However, as I struggled to keep my head above water, look after the kids and keep my job, things just carried on. He slept in the spare room and worked away alot (part of his job) and I got accused of all sorts of shit, affecting the OW and he sometimes was around for the kids and soemtimes was not. Her DP did not know anything and life continued. I asked him to leave but he did not - I know he was having his cake and eating it. Me being wife at home and him gadding off with OW and playing happy families with her kids and making plans etc etc. In front of the kids we have never argued ( well once) and the kids have been fab. However, they are both now able to talk and say things just like hers.
Her OW found out this year and I thought the crunch had finally happened and they would get it together but NO. She decides to stay with her DP and they are going to counselling and seeing what they can salvage and make a go of it for her and their two kids. However, she also kept my husband on the go aswell.
Four months ago, he came home distraught, she had ended it with him. This lasted for two weeks and then she was back playing games, but contact is definitely reduced.
I have expected him to move out the house and he left on numerous occasions only to come back a few days later as if nothing had happened. I have spent the time saving like mad for a deposit on a house ( hate the thought of renting) and have had an offer accepted on a house for DCs and me, should complete in three weeks -yippee. I realised early this year that there was no way I want to stay with him and I will have to make the break because he will not and I know I should not care what happens to him, but my head can not deal with why he has stayed at home, being lovely to me at times and then a complete arsehole at other times, he talks about us as a couple with a future in one breath then goes and sees her or talks to her. Guilt is probably the answer and for the DCs sake I want us to remain amicable - they deserve to parents in their lives.
I just do not understand what he wants, do not think he understands what he wants and when I move out in 3 weeks time -(he does not know anything about it) will be very shocked. I know I should not care what goes on in his life - I suppose I am just looking for some answers that will never come.
Sorry this is just a bit of a cathartic - what the fuck happened to my life, 15 yrs of marriage and 2 years of lies and deceit and back stabbing by my husband and my best friend. I need to be shot of them both, one I can the other slightly more impossible. I suppose after all this time I jsut do not understand what has happened and am now moving on with my life - just feel lost and scared.