rubbish marriage, relationship. intimacy, everything!

[itwasthat]

please tell me if i am deluded? stupid? dumb? my dh is so cold emotionally. he operates in such a single fashion. and i never noticed before i married him and had kids. when i had my second baby after an hour at the hospital he said goodbye see you tomorrow, i wasnt expecting any night visitors and we had a sitter! he makes decisions and tells me what they are, he spends all his time of his computer, never goes out and doesnt spend much time with the kids. he is the type to hide how much he has in the bank and not reliable to take care of kids properly if i go out! anyone else in despair at how on earth theyve ended up with such a disappointment of a so-called partner

You are not deluded or stupid. You're husband is being a selfish prick.

sorry he's so rubbish. Does he have any redeeming features?

He has probably been like that the whole time you have been together, as you love him less and less you notice his bad points more and more.

It will get that bad that eventually you will no longer want to be with him, it's what happens when you fall out of love, the rose tinted specs come off.

You don't have to stay with him you know!
He sounds incredibly selfish and cold.
Like Fabby said you are well on the way to hating him and its not going to get any easier.
Why waste your life on this man - just because you have dc?

Your relationship sounds awful and on its last legs. He seems to give nothing at all. He's controlling, he's a poor father, he doesn't share his feelings, his time, energy with you. He's a miser financially and emotionally with both you and the children, and I think if you don't do something about this for yourself, you should for your children's sake.

I think if you really want to keep trying, lay it all out for him, how you're feeling, how his behaviour is unacceptable and perhaps seek relationship counselling together. If he won't change/examine his behaviour/look for ways to improve things, then you have done your very best. But don't continue throwing your life away on someone who gives you nothing in return.

Oops, I take it back about the relationship counselling together, perhaps counselling or therapy for him (and if you need some support/validation for you), but separate, individual counselling, not together.