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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Help me to help her

9 replies

CarrieOakey · 03/07/2011 21:50

The DH of a very good friend has astonishingly walked out on her and their children. She is not surprisingly devastated and while I don't live close I want to offer her help and support but I'm not sure how. What can I do?

OP posts:

SamsGoldilocks · 03/07/2011 21:52

can you look after the kids one afternoon or something like that?

Original poster

CarrieOakey · 03/07/2011 21:54

I don't really live close enough although I have asked her to come and stay in the summer holidays and I think she will. I plan to spoil her a bit then!

OP posts:

BertieBotts · 03/07/2011 21:57

Tell her she can call at any time of the day or night and not to worry about waking you up, if this is practical for you?

zookeeper · 03/07/2011 22:02

You need to be there for her, just a sympathetic voice on the phone daily if needs be for the next few months. Perhaps turn up with some homecooked meals and a bag of shopping.

I would get her to go to a solicitor and go with her. Meet her beforehand and write a list of questions and make sure you come out with written answers because she will most likely be to upset to think straight. Knowing hr rights will make her feel stronger.

Arrange to meet her and do practical things - do a budget, go through the bills, inform the bank that they are no longer a couple, set up a bank account in her name etc etc.

hellospoon · 03/07/2011 22:05

you need to be there for her, only give her advice if she asks for it nand do not tell her what to do. just make sure she knows she can call you anytime x

Original poster

CarrieOakey · 03/07/2011 22:06

Thank you zookeeper particulaly - great advice. It's v early days so I'll do this a little at a time perhaps. We're talking daily so lots of opportunity to chat about such matters.

OP posts:

zookeeper · 03/07/2011 22:17

Yes, a little at a time is good - she will probably be feeling exhausted and overwhelmed. Try to get her to focus getting herself and the kids through the day a day at a time for now as the future may seem daunting and even terrifying for her.

Encourage her to have a bit of structure in her day, especially the weekends which can be very daunting and lonely for a newly single parent and to try to do one positive thing, however small, each day, even if it's a walk in the park with the dcs or a swim, or a new lipstick or a small bunch of flowers. Ask her about the little things her dcs may have done in the day; try to get her to take pleasure in small things for now.

SamsGoldilocks · 04/07/2011 18:29

It might also be a good idea to not slag off her DH - later down the line they may get back togther and she will find it hard to talk to you if you've been too negative. Listen but try not to judge.

Wisedupwoman · 04/07/2011 18:38

If she's got access to a computor would she want to start a thread and get some support here?

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