My in-laws are the biggest Fuckwits ever. Official.

[MrBloomEatsVeggies]

Just needed to get that out into the ether. Feel better now. Well, actually, I don't, but you know....

Anyone else want to join me on the 'My in-laws are tosser's' bus?

oh - whoever said about the MIL finding their miscarriage as traumatic as they did, we had that too!
She was in floods of tears, and whenever we popped around she would burst into tears again - I couldn't deal with that at all... how are you meant to get over it in that situation?! I just stopped going over until DH said she seemed better... tres strange

my MIL annoys the crap out of me she's not bad but she was a shit mum and is still pretty shit with kids, she just doesnt understand what to do with them we have nothing in common she is a cats bum judgey face about everything but is a right dirty tart from what ive heard!! she gossips non stop about everyone she knows plays my OH off against his brothers she's just a coo..

step FIL is a complete twattery of a twat bag he is one of those complete idiots who knows everything yet needs the simplest thing explained thirty times to understand. he's a pretentious wanker and i cant stand him!!!!

Im not married and don't have any children but have been with my partner for 11 years, after reading all these it definatly does make me think about staying with him and his family, I could fill this whole thread myself with things my mil has done to me, The latest thing she has done to pee me off is taking over the decorating of our house... its currently being renovated so were staying with my brother (that itself caused arguments that we hadn't chosen to live with 2 chain smoking, non stop drinkers). While ive been at work my oh has been at the house decorating, shes took it upon herself to buy some hideous ornaments for my room, change the paint colour which is now up and im still demanding to be re-painted in the colour i chose,

She blamed me for having a miss carriage saying it was cos id drunk when pregnant (for the record i dont even drink, the furthest i get is a lime and soda, yet she drunk throughout her pregnancy, 1 child has early onset Alzheimer - i know im with him!, the youngest had a speech problem and had to go to lessons to learn to talk, the 3rd has cerebral palsy) she insists this has nothing to do with her drinking but no other family members have any symptoms whatsoever.

god this has turned into a huge rant, she gets on my tits and i wish she would just do one, anywhere with a 1 way ticket!! i do feel better for that though!

My MIL drives me scatty, but she is a lovely woman who has achieved a lot and brought up a great son.

I always think MIL relationships are hard because there's the family intimacy without the familiarity that makes the craziness (that all families have) bearable.

But wow, this thread is an eye opener. There's common or garden bonkers and then there is seriously, unpleasantly dysfunctional. Having your dogs put down? WTF?

And so many with MILs who made a big deal about how grief stricken they were over your miscarriage? Who are these people?

Awful :(

When we finish driving the 535 miles to their house, Mil will greet everyone but me-just skip right by me, or if I'm the last one up the steps, she just turns away. Fil will not be in the same room with me. I am invisible. Some trips, I stay home...any comment on that? Anyone? Anyone? Not a peep; never a "we missed you and hope you can come next time".

I am normally numb from my own dysfunctional parents so it took me a few years to 'notice' iykwim. Then I resented it. Who wouldn't? But now- - well, why would I want to be connected with them? Nope, a blessing the web hasn't ensnared me these past 21 years-I sure as heck won't be tending them in their declining years.

Whew! THANKS!

This reassures me so much! Outlaws haven't spoken to me or kids since Christmas when I mildly upset princess sister in law. No other grown up I know would have been upset by our not even argument. MIL has taken her sde as they fell out last year and they are still umbillically joined.

They didn't see dd3 (7) on her birthday, haven't been told that dd1 has passed her driving test, don't know about exam results or holidays.

Their loss. At least I now get to spend my valuable free time with people I like.

I do feel (unreasonably) guilty. What if they die and dh hasn't spoken to them?

My MIL became estranged MIL when she did us out of approx £50k. DH repeatedly says (when my soft, but she IS their grandparent, side comes out) "If she wants to see my life, it'll cost her 50k"

He's not spoken to her since, but we have such a great relationship with my family, it does make me feel bad for the children that they're missing out on it with his

Hi EttiKetti,

re this part of your comment:-

"He's not spoken to her since, but we have such a great relationship with my family, it does make me feel bad for the children that they're missing out on it with his "

Yes but this thought is misplaced. You think that perhaps because at heart you are a reasonable person who has undoubtedly come from an emotionally healthy family so such stuff is completely alien to you. Dysfunctional unhealthy families however, do not play by the rules governing "normal" familial relations and never do. Such people never apologise nor take any responsibility for their actions.

Your children are not missing out at all with regards to your H's awful sounding mother, infact you are doing them a favour in protecting them from such malign and toxic familial influences. They neither need or want that in their lives.

Teachmyselfbalance

You have my sympathies.

Actually my MIL did the same i.e ignored me as well but said hi to all the others. I was and remain the afterthought.

I get in there first now and say Hello MIL in a loud voice!. That takes the wind out of her sails. H bless his heart does not notice!.

I get the "no kiss" option,they are kissy and kiss everyone but me.My friend said its cos they see the wild look in my eye and think ill head butt them
Seriously tho,its refreshing to have a thread where we can have agood moan without anyone telling us we are horrible to our poor innocent pils,i was flamed acouple of times when pg when i was so anxious about how they were behving and it turned out i was right.
I think the problem for most of us is the distance means we cannot slowly build a relationship but have to have these big intense stayovers.In no other circumstances would i share my home with people i hardly knew, who were very different to me,expected to be fed and watered often with no help contribution or thanks and who';s desire to see their ds overrode any sense of compassion or decency towards another human being-me.

I haven't really seen mine for about ten years so they are fine

ledkr I have been known to post and remind people that they will be mils one day.
But that tends to be in response to " my mil buys my dcs too many presents" type posts - or " my mil keeps coming over and offering to tidy up - fucking rude cow obviously thinks I am shit" scenarios.

There are awful mils out there. but there are also mners who think that anything there mil does is always wrong.

This thread is obviously full of the former.

Mine are now the ex-inlaws. My MIL and FIL were awful to me. Treated me like shit. There are so many examples I could fill this thread on mine own.

This weekend's piece of fuckwittery is getting played out on a thread in AIBU

Oh and I've had the no one in the family ever talking to me too.

I am so so glad I am out of it and no longer have to deal with it - they are what made my ex the way he is.

pagwatchi have seen that too,and thought bloody hell you think i you have probs! I think im still a bit as it was very recent and some people made me feel like i was being horrible thus i tried to stop making a big deal and didnt put into place the extremely clear boundaries they so obviously needed.People said "of course they will help/not expect to stay over/have food etc etc,the reality was worse than i could ever have imagined and bringing home the only child dh and i will ever have was tainted by their selfishness which is hard to move on from.I am a 43 yr old mum of 4 and a tough old bird,ive been thru lots of things but this literally bought me to my knees.I wish id trusted my instincts

My inlaws are awful.

When telling them I was pg with DS1 my MIL asked if, "people like you are even allowed to have children?". I'm disabled. Apparently disabled people shouldn't have children.

The day of bringing DS1 home she phoned DH and asked him if DS was his as he couldn't be as DH has red hair and DS has brown - then suggested to DH that I had been sleeping with my ex.

When we found out at a scan that our DS2 had died (stillborn at 36 weeks) DH phoned his parents for his dad to say, " We can't help you son, sorry, bye," and then hung up on him.

Fil agreed to go with DH to help him buy suit for our DS2's funeral but when DH turned up they were out/hiding.

We asked them if they wanted to write a note or put a photo in DS2's coffin. DH was to pick up item when he visited to go suit shopping but obviously didn't get it then - MIL tries to hand letter to us as soon as we got out the car at graveside (DH holding coffin) and expected us to whip out a screwdriver and open coffin right there to put the note in.

Didn't even remember what DS2 was called and put wrong name on flowers.

Didn't contact us for weeks after funeral and when DH took our DS1 to visit he wasn't even sat down yet before his dad laid into him about us not phoning or visiting them often enough.

There's loads of other little things but you get the gist of their fuckwittery I hope.

Been a couple of years since we've seen them now.

God that heavy for a sunday morning,felt good tho ta.

unauthorised

Mine is ok sometimes, looked after 4 whilst I was really ill and then just as she's about to leave tells me baby DS is probably really really tired. Yes I said smiling he gets like that, "it'll be all the one to one stimulation he's had with me whilst you've been lying in bed"
I had mastitis.
Can you take that comment nicely ?

My FIL and SMIL are wonderful wonderful wonderful.

My MIL (she and FIL have been divorced since DH was 8) is, on the other hand, completely toxic. She stopped speaking to DH and I for an entire year when DS (her only grandchild) was 6 months old as we had the gall to invite FIL and SMIL to stay the night on Christmas Eve so they could see DS on Christmas morning before leaving to spend the day with SMIL's daughter. MIL had been invited to come Christmas morning and spend the whole day with us so not sure what her beef was with that - she stood us up by text at 11pm on Christmas Eve then didn't speak to us for a year

She has only seen DS once in the last 18 months (he is now 2.2) and I am currently pg with DC2 (38+3) and she has shown no interest in the new baby or in visiting/skyping DS whatsoever but is still happy to send petty little emails to DH bemoaning the fact that she doesn't see her grandson

She also spent most of DH's childhood slagging off his Dad to him at every opportunity. Luckily DH has been able to make up his own mind and it hasn't affected his relationship with his Dad, but his Mum has effectively ruined the relationship between DH's sister and their Dad :(

Feel very sorry for DH having such a twat of a mother.

My MIL is hard to deal with, but she lives 1000's of miles away which makes it easier.

As soon as we got married, I got the "when are you have a baby" treatment. I got sooo fed up with it DH had to tell her a number of times to butt out. When we did have DS some years later she promptly refused to do anything with him when she was all over her other grandchildren. Asked her to stay for Christmas a number of times, but sje would always say "Icouldn't possibly miss (next new grandchilds) first Christmas". Annoying, but her choice.

The main thing that annoys me she never referes to me by my name. Even if I am in the same room, sitting at the same table she always talks to me as if I am not there ... asking DH "would she like some potatoes" etc. Cue endless comments about me having a name....

Atilla I meant kids not life in dhs quote, but you are quite right and we don't have anything to do with them. DH will never back down and I'm getting used to it now, with the odd twinge sadness. His father was a tool by the sound of it too, so goodness knows how DH turned out so relatively normal!

My FIL calls every day. He calls without fail just after 6 pm. You can imagine what a family with 3 dc's might be doing at that time. He has been here at that time and seen the dinner, bath, bed madness it has made no impact. We mention on the phone we are eating but the next day he willcall at the same time. It drives me mad! The phone now only gets answered if dh is in. If these calls lead to any meaningful communication I would be more sympathetic but all to often dh doesn't get a word in edgeways to pass on anything more significant than the weather or what we or they have eaten that day.

MIL did that thing of not handing back a distressed baby. Babe would cry, I would put out my arms to take back child. She would literally turn her back and say to my ds 'no no no you can't see her, you can't see her'. Nothing has ever got my lioness hormones raging more furiously I can tell you!

My dh travels often for work, when i was pregnant with no.3 dh asked if they could stay and help a bit. Their help included afternoon lie downs, trips to museums for themselves. I soon realised there was little intention to help when I was stood washing up at 11pm (keeping place clean because of their presence), heavily pregnant, two dc under 4 one still crawling. And FIL came and handed me his empty wine glass to wash and said goodnight!

They have not been asked to help since. I have the lowest expectations so as not to be disappointed.

I can't even bring myself to mention their treatment towards me when I lost our dd at 24 wks pregnant.

MIL, with crashing emphysema, recently chose to buy a property up five flights of stairs. No lift. Chose. To buy. And there were other flats on offer.

Shelscrape ~ my FIL used to do that too, "Does Gloria want...." when I'd be sitting right there in front of him!

Some of the 'delights' of knowing my ILs over the last 18 years include tantrums (they threw an excellent one when we said we were getting married because their 'wittle boy' wouldn't be there to be their taxi service/provider of their social life anymore), abuse over the phone, abuse in our home (their last tantrum saw FIL standing at the bottom of our stairs, shouting abuse up at me, in front of 13 month old DD1), ignoring me (my last few visits to them, I used to sit in their lounge by myself for hours on end, while they sat with DH in another room) and ignored me when taking photos ~ when they came to visit after DD2 was born, DH took her out of my arms and went into another room so that FIL could take faaaamily pictures, without me. Christmas 2 years ago (and this was because I'm not playing at 'happy families' anymore), after giving everyone else nice presents, MIL gave me a badly-wrapped, smelly shower puff. That summed up what she thought of me!

I put up with their behaviour for 12 years, thinking that DH appreciated me 'sucking it up' and sweeping his family's behaviour under the rug, until a row 5 years ago when he said, "Husbands and wives don't stick up for each other if it's going to upset family." I quit trying then; haven't visited since and will never visit again. And since I'm not being the servant/skivvy when they visit (it's now DH's job to buy food in/clean the house etc), they only visit once a year. They see DDs (the only grandchildren they've got) at that visit as well. I don't feel my children are missing out (my parents more than make up for it) and don't feel guilty at all. And in a way, MIL has got what she always wanted; DH now visits alone.

going on holiday with mine for a week, seemed like a great idea, oh no what have I done?..........

Can I add mine? Saw them yesterday at a family party.They know we have all had various illnesses over the past month and DD2 and I have recently recovered after a week of anti-bs. Anyway,MIL only tells me AS WE ARE LEAVING,after kissing us all goodbye etc,that she is running a fever and has been ill for days (she is never ever ill) AArghh. That is the tip of the iceburg though,but on the plus side,she didn't have my dog put down while we were on holiday....(very for you toms).