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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Don't flame but......

26 replies

thesunshinesbrightly · 01/07/2011 01:23

How do you make someone break up with you? i'm just not into him anymore and i know hes cheating on me(no proof)i have totally fell out of love with him tried to get it back but with no luck.

OP posts:
threadsoffeeling · 01/07/2011 01:25

cheat

lachesis · 01/07/2011 01:26

You don't. You tell him straight up, I don't love you and need to move on, so we're through. Don't contact me again (presuming you don't have children together).

Original poster
thesunshinesbrightly · 01/07/2011 01:30

No i wont cheat.
No children together.
We argue alot and we have broke up(lost count of how many) each time i feel sorry for him and we get back together.

OP posts:
UnhappyLizzie · 01/07/2011 01:31

Yeah be straight. Ignoring's cowardly

lachesis · 01/07/2011 01:31

Then end it, OP. Don't play games. You're better and more adult than that.

I don't love you anymore and need to move on. So we're through. Don't contact me again. Goodbye.

fortyplus · 01/07/2011 01:32

You sound as though you're twelve. If you're older than that then act your age and tell him straight.

Original poster
thesunshinesbrightly · 01/07/2011 01:35

I know i should end it and yeah i am a coward don't like hurting people.

OP posts:
Empusa · 01/07/2011 01:55

"I know i should end it and yeah i am a coward don't like hurting people."

Because playing games isn't going to hurt? Hmm

Original poster
thesunshinesbrightly · 01/07/2011 01:58

How am i playing games?

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 01/07/2011 07:27

Tell your best mate to tell his best mate

Behind the bike sheds

Job done

Snorbs · 01/07/2011 07:31

So rather than hurting someone you feel it better to manipulate them into doing your dirty work for you? Hmm

If you want to end a relationship then be honest and brave and tell the truth. Start with "I'm sorry but this isn't making me happy any more" and work from there.

Lady1nTheRadiator · 01/07/2011 07:39

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Anniegetyourgun · 01/07/2011 08:00

Why do you believe he's hurt when you break up? If you mattered that much to him he wouldn't be cheating on you or picking quarrels, he'd be trying to make you happy so you would want to stay together. All this only woman I've ever loved, can't live without you bullshit is just that - he reels you back in so he can continue treating you badly. The only thing that may be hurt when you tell him it's over is his pride. The rest of him would go rushing out and find another girlfriend - or, on form, two - to take his mind off things. He'd be sad for all of five minutes. It's actually kinder to make it stick than to keep taking him back, so that he can move on. That's why people are accusing you of game playing. Not that I think he deserves kindness, but there we go.

Meanwhile, there's another person in all this who is continually being hurt, and that person is you. Just ask yourself why he, the cheating, lying so-and-so, deserves more consideration. You have feelings too, they matter, and you should be respected when you say "I don't want to go out with you any more". He is showing you a massive lack of respect when he comes crawling and whining back. Get thee unto a counsellor, m'dear, and find out why someone else's (faked?) pain is worth so much more than yours.

Original poster
thesunshinesbrightly · 01/07/2011 08:35

Thank you Annie

OP posts:
Anniegetyourgun · 01/07/2011 08:40

Good luck pet. You can do this.

Original poster
thesunshinesbrightly · 01/07/2011 08:47

I know all of what you have said is true. Thank you for making me see sense and i'm being childish have been in a abusive relationship so i suppose making him dump me was just easier because i can't be bothered with his reaction and being stalked again.

OP posts:
BertieBotts · 01/07/2011 09:35

If you have no children can you not just cut all ties with him and disappear?

AnyF · 01/07/2011 10:53

If he stalks you, inform the police and have them sort it out

You shouldn't stay with someone because you are afraid of what will happen if you don't

Everyone has the right to terminate a relationship because they want to, if they are honest and transparent.

buzzsore · 01/07/2011 11:18

I think maybe make yourself a plan, of what you'll say to end it, and what to do if he starts harrassing you or stalking or if he tries to emotionally blackmail you. Get a couple of friends on hand to help you go no-contact. Tell him it's over, delete his number, possibly bar his number, delete him from your email etc and set it up so his emails go to junk or are blocked.

I bet you know what he's likely to do already, since you're tried to split with him before, so this time you can be prepared and have your friends ready to talk you down. And be prepared to go to the police if he does stalk you - you have a right to end the relationship.

Original poster
thesunshinesbrightly · 01/07/2011 11:39

I do have children - not with him tho.
I am being a wuss - i know.
Thank you for your advice.

OP posts:
AnyF · 01/07/2011 12:19

good luck x

springydaffs · 01/07/2011 22:17

good luck OP xx

Original poster
thesunshinesbrightly · 04/07/2011 00:00

Up date for anyone whos interested - Have decided to stay with my partner and work on our relationship but thank you to the people that gave helpful advice.

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 04/07/2011 00:06

you don't like him

he cheats on you

you don't trust him

you are scared what would happen if you finish it

but you have decided to "work on it" and stay with him

why

Original poster
thesunshinesbrightly · 04/07/2011 00:33

Hi AF,
I have no proof he is cheating on me.. just gut and he is a gorgeous man. Maybe its me being insecure with him, maybe its me and i need to work on myself.
I think im very confused with how i feel about him at the moment so hopefully giving a chance i can feel the same as i did about him.

OP posts: