If someone said " i'm trying my best to fall out of love with you it's all going to end in tears"

[fairyfly]

How would you feel?

Honesty needed now, impartial factual advice, no beating around the bush.

I would say dump him, and keep him dumped this time.

I would say 'you pretentious arse, when you get that stick out of your backside come back and talk to me'

i said it, he is pissed off and sick of my attitude

I'd say he was scared of commitment but scared of not having you too, and struggling like hell to know which way to jump

Sorry

But didn't want to give you a crap answer!!!

I would ask them precisely what they meant. It's not very clear really.

I would think they were scared of commitment

haha, pmsl at twiglett, i am a pretentious arse

I don't know the history, so I would say it's a strange thing to say.

i'd reckon he didn't feel sure of you and was trying to force a reaction.

why did you say it?

.. hang on its YOU saying it

oh that's totally different

in that case I would say that this man has put you through the wringer and doesn't deserve you .. dump him and find someone new

coming from a bloke it just sounds different

snurk

he keeps asking if i mean it and going " ffs fairyfly i can't handle your negativity"

i actually mean it though, he makes me feel out of control and weak, i really love him

listen to and act on the ''its all going to end in tears'' bit and ignore the dramatic bollocks at the begining.

oh god how long did that post take me!?

Vert interesting

I still think my answer holds - just insert 'you're' instead of 'he is'

its too late

i tried that with dp a few years ago but its worked out good

it still stands

hmmm, you've got to be pretty strong to be able to let go enough to luxuriate in someone else taking control and making you feel weak. Does he understand?

The joy of sexism twiglett, hoorah!!!!!

soapbox, spot on, in the custom of mumsnet come and live with me for a week and become my therapist, all in a good cause, hehe

i don't think i can pair bond, i loose my marbles, my life is getting too complicated

i think that is my massive downfall, i have hit the red alarm button too many times and shit my pants about liking him, to counteract it i call him a twat, not right, any of it

do you work at this love thing? really? do you bother again, when we are together and he looks at me i could pass out with love for him, i then analise and analise and analise, cant seem to just have fun

Give up or feel weak and vulnerable?

I'd think either

a) he's a commitmentphobe or
b) he wants reassurance that I love him and am committed to him so that he can give himself permission to ignore the fear and commit.

Do you tell him the out of control weak with love part, or harp mainly on the don't want to risk it part?

i tell him the...... this will never work it's doomed, part.........

the....... i feel weak, i love you part doesn't come out much

i find it a lot easier to criticise him and second guess he will let me down.

i nearly lost him last week, the only time he has ever risen his voice to me, he said he cannot constantly feel like he is letting me down anymore and trying too hard to not be in trouble and make me happy. He told me going out with me is like living onegg shells , he lovs me so much and always has but i'm starting to drain him and undermine his personality.

I was kind of speechless

Honestly? I'd think 'what an arse' and skip gaily (or possibly not so gaily, depending on circs) to find someone else.

fairyfly..... are you scared that he is going to end up hurting you?
are you, in a way, pushing him away because it's easier for you to reject him than to go through him rejecting you?

Ha! Didn't read the thread so my reply would be as honest as possible.
You really must stop talking to the poor bloke like this!

He sounds so lovely in all your threads, but you can't help feeling vulnerable and scared. Just try and tell him a bit more about how much you love him and why it makes you so negative?