If someone said " i'm trying my best to fall out of love with you it's all going to end in tears"

[fairyfly]

How would you feel?

Honesty needed now, impartial factual advice, no beating around the bush.

I'm shitting my pants about him hurting me, i cannot believe i have been so stupid and given it all away again. I look at myself and ask.... where has your brain gone? i think i am a complete idiot for falling in love again.

The entire thing is scaring me to death and i stopped acting normal with him some time ago.

Why wouldn't it work? Why is your relationship doomed?
Sorry, but I'm a simple person - if you love him, tell him, not us.

i ended up at a point where the choice was to stop acting like you are now or lose him. at that point it was too late to fret about it cos we did split for a few days and it was awful. if he leaves you now, how will you feel?

I would think this person has been through hell and is feeling very vulnerable. I would wonder whether they and I had enough resources to make it work.

i haven't really been following your threads about him... but i have always been the same.
find someone fantastic, then get so shit scared of them leaving me that i ruin it myself so that i don't have to go through them ending it.

i think that if you love him, and want to be with him then you need to have a long talkj with him,
maybe he needs to be a bit more lenient, to understand what you're feeling and why... i said to dp a while ago that I KNOW my behaviour is unreasonable but i can't help it and that he needs to make allowances for that

I also snooged someone last week to try and cure myself of the dreaded love thing.

Didn't even like the bloke.

Sorry, that sounded much harsher than I meant it to. What I was trying to say, is tell him how you feel. I'm a great believer in talking (as anyone who knows me will testify) - if you're scared, tell him.

Scummy said the wise thing I was about to say if I'd thought of it first.

done that too. doesnt work at all

i do tell him i love him, i think he thinks i am a schitzophrenic, as soon as i have spent a night being lovely, being me, i turn again.

I think i need constant justification off him, totally unhealthy.

I know i will loose him very soon if i don't stop, i am trying so hard to shut the f up, really i am.

sounds like you're trying to wrestle back control by effectively forcing him to finish with you. You need to find another way, whether you stay with him or not. I think you might need him to help you with that.

personally I think this is pap, but who knows, it might help?

Yup and i do want him to finish with me, he has noticed that, even today he mentioned it.... your trying to piss me off so much that i leave you, why?.......

I said

No idea

Perhaps it was all just too soon.

oh my goodness trefusis, i got paranoid for a minute he has found mumsnet and was posting.

You are totally right, absolutely, thankyou x

great posts, trefusis.

Just stop it - all the bl**dy nonsence.

Just let it be - let whatever will happen happen.

You will survive if things go wrong - you have done before and you will again! Maybe it won't all go wrong, maybe this really is the one. Maybe you'll be with him to your dying day.

Who knows, no-one does. You are no different to everyone of us posting on here tonight, tomorrow and the next day. It could all end anytime, for any of us. For many of us it has done in the past but shit we all survived. Possibly not without baggage, but hell we're all here trudging along!

Its about being brave, and feeling that you are worth it. That even you can deserve a bloody good relationship! But you have to just let it be, to believe in it, that somehow what will be will be, without any intervention by you.

As they say 'give love a chance' PMSL

.. and I was scared I was being harsh

I like trefusis's posts .. I think she talks mucho sense

would you like help removing the stick now?

Ooooh bollocks, your all bloody amazing and so so right. I have totally poured out my overly analytical brain on this thread and i am chuffed i did.

I'm going to sound like a sad old slapper now but i am printing your messages off to remind me of how utterly selfish and self obsessed i'm becoming.

I know he feels as on edge as i do, he cannot relax with me anymore, i know it is my behaviour creating it too.

I don't know where to go from here, it's all become a bit mental and bruised between us recently. Very dramatic and saga ridden.

I hope i can calm down as i truly know he is a f*ing good catch.

First thing in the morning i am buying some masking tape for my mouth.

try yoga classes - seriously good for calming yersen

i think to go on from here you need to:

1: show him this thread?

2: if you don't do one then TELL HIM EXACTLY HOW YOU FEEL!

3: make sure he knows that you know what you're doing and that you don't really want to be doing it!

4: start each day afresh. Don't think about the shit that has happened in the past.

5: trust in yourself. and in him (don't gag when you think this or he might just get scared off anyway)

good idea, i used to practice yoga a lot and wasn't a needy lunatic. i will see tomorrow if any are availible at the right times.

for you