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Original poster

What would you think?

38 replies

WillIEverBeASizeTen · 18/06/2011 23:37

Second date and you go to the guys home for dinner...in the lounge there is a photo of him and his wife (separated around 9 months) red flag?

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FabbyChic · 18/06/2011 23:38

He could have put it away, sounds like he still has feelings for her.

imawigglyworm · 18/06/2011 23:42

He should of put it away, sounds like its still fresh in his mind.

Original poster
WillIEverBeASizeTen · 18/06/2011 23:42

Says it's there for the DCs benefit! FC potential rebounder?

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lookingfoxy · 18/06/2011 23:44

I would say a red flag, if he knew you were coming for dinner he would have done a clean sweep for stuff like that (newspapers in the toilet were ex's worst offence), I would have found it really weird to see a picture of his ex and would have questioned him on it!!

bejeezus · 18/06/2011 23:47

I am in process of divorcing H and have been wondering about the family photos up on the wall- am thinking I will leave them up for the sake of the dcs- so could be that-but I am not 9 months down the line and dating someone else so not sure

Original poster
WillIEverBeASizeTen · 18/06/2011 23:51

SHE cheated on him too! Why would you want to have a photo staring at you of a person who had done that? Yep deffo rebounder..

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HerHissyness · 19/06/2011 16:35

He's a bloke,

IME, They usually find it hard to put the seat down, notice when we've had our hair cut, or changed it's colour...

you think they'd look at the walls of their own home? Grin

He should have done a sweep for that, but i'm not overly surprised he hasn't.

Any other red flags you are worried about? Separated only 9m, it is a bit soon tbh..

chris123456 · 19/06/2011 16:39

It's part of his history - what is to be gained by hiding it?

SheCutOffTheirTails · 19/06/2011 16:41

I'm surprised by the answers, I don't think it's a red flag.

If you're happy to date a man so soon out of a marriage, who has children, the presumably you're OK with the fact that he's likely to still have feelings for his (stbx) wife?

The photo just reflects reality - that she's a very important person in his life, and always will be.

I think it would be way more weird if he was arranging his furnishings to mollify the imagined hurt of a woman he's dating for the second time.

changeforthebetter · 19/06/2011 16:46

Have two photos of me and X in the kids bedroom (not a room any potential suitor is going to be going anywhere near, anytime really). They are entirely for the DCs benefit. It is possible one of them might trek a picture of "lovely daddy" downstairs Hmm but such is my loathing of the toad good housekeeping Wink, I would swiftly remove it upstairs again. I dunno, give the guy a break, it's a second date. If you like him otherwise, carry on seeing him, if you, don't, um don't. Maybe he is hung up on his X. It will become clear and then you can make a decision.

Original poster
WillIEverBeASizeTen · 19/06/2011 16:47

I don't think a sweep was even thought about, the photo is firmly rooted, eye level sitting on the sofa (how romantic).

When questioned, he was incredibly cool about it, in fact, a kind of "none of your business".

Yes, other red flags but as I'm running for the hills it really doesn't matter Grin

Like Bunny nuff said

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SheCutOffTheirTails · 19/06/2011 16:50

He's right, it isn't any of your business.

I can't believe you asked him about it! :o

buzzsore · 19/06/2011 16:52

I think 2nd date at his house is a bit weird - surely it's a bit soon to be on your own with some guy? (Unless i suppose you knew him well before dating.)

As for the photo, I think on its own, not a red flag, but combined with other things it could be.

berries · 19/06/2011 16:54

I've got photos of x and kids around the house. Never occurred to me would be a problem tbh. Current dp also shown me photos of his x with boys. Quite liked satisfying my curiosity while being open about it :)

Original poster
WillIEverBeASizeTen · 19/06/2011 16:56

scott Actually, I do think it's my business, and would have no problem asking the same question again.

If his wife is SUCH an important part of his life then maybe he should have stayed with her!

Oh and trust me, I don't need mollifying...just not on the lookout for a rebounder...such timewasters

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Original poster
WillIEverBeASizeTen · 19/06/2011 17:02

buzz Knew him before (friend of a friend) and yes, I also had pics of ex AND kids, NOT of me and ex all dressed up attending a function...THAT is weird..

And no, I'm not a control freak and cannot bear anyone full on, just think that if you're ready to date then you should be over the ex, it's only fair on the other person..

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akaemmafrost · 19/06/2011 17:03

Not sure really. I have photos up on my wall of ex with dc, he is still their Dad, not going to remove all trace of him from their home.

It certainly does NOT mean I still have feelings for him.

SheCutOffTheirTails · 19/06/2011 17:03

"I beg your pardon, but there appears to be something... just stuck in your hair there... a little higher... no, it's something red you've got attached to you somehow... ah, you've got it! Let me see. Oh goodness, why it appears to be a tiny little flag!"

akaemmafrost · 19/06/2011 17:04

And actually I would be quite cool about it is someone asked me about the photos too.

I might actually think someone was a bit of a loon if they asked about it on the second date.

Original poster
WillIEverBeASizeTen · 19/06/2011 17:05

scott Maybe you should be on the Cbeebies website not MN...so juvenile..

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shesgotherlipstickon · 19/06/2011 17:05

Some right strange ones on here. It's his ex, the mother to his children. Why wouldn't he still have pictures up of her for the children's benefit?

Why should he erase her completely when someone he has dated for only the 2nd time gets shitty over it and start implying he should have moved it.

I'd say he had a lucky escape tbh.

akaemmafrost · 19/06/2011 17:08

"I'd say he had a lucky escape tbh"

I concur.

BooyHoo · 19/06/2011 17:12

i have a photo of my EXP at his passing out ceremony in the living room. i also have a photo of my best friend and her husband on their wedding day, my sister on her graduation day and my children. these people are all a part of my life. i will not hide my ex's photo as he is still a part of my life just as much as my best friend and my sister are. my children should be able to have photos of both their parents in their own home without any other adult (new partner) making them feel guilty for it.

Original poster
WillIEverBeASizeTen · 19/06/2011 17:12

Thank you ladies...and men..I shall now go and have my mental health issues sorted out as I'm clearly a raving lunatic Hmm

Opinions much appreciated thank you :)

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