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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Relationships

What would you think?

38 replies

WillIEverBeASizeTen · 18/06/2011 23:37

Second date and you go to the guys home for dinner...in the lounge there is a photo of him and his wife (separated around 9 months) red flag?

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BooyHoo · 20/06/2011 22:09

"Just because she may be a big part of his life doesn't mean he needs pictures of her plastered across the walls. Do you really need pictures of your ex's to prove/show there a part of your life? And if you WANT a picture of you and your ex sitting on the side you still have feelings for the women/man,"

wow, what an open minded attitude!!

he had A picture. not pictures plastered all over the walls. why do people feel the need to distort facts in order back up their opinion? is it because they cant logically back up their comments based on the ACTUAL facts?

2)no, i dont have pictures of anyone in my house to prove anything. i have pictures of the people i love and hold dear in my home, because it is MY HOME and i like to be reminded daily that i have a family (and yes my ex is part of that family-blood isn't the only family we can have) who love me. my neighbour visits me daily. apart from that i rarely have visitors so if i wanted to prove i was over a relationship, putting pictures of my ex in my house would be teh least effective way to go about it.

WillIEverBeASizeTen · 20/06/2011 19:41

Buzz Didn't think your particular comment was sleazy, or rude/disrespectful. It's amazing sometimes how these threads get out of proportion

However, it was a cheap date, he was as tight as a ducks arse no pool or tennis courts there then...

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buzzsore · 20/06/2011 19:19

WillIEverBeASizeTen · 20/06/2011 19:09

Truthtalking Thank you so much for your post. You are completely correct when you say that some people on here are rude/arrogant/disrespectful etc..

I see it all the time on here but the first time I have been on the receiving end. I think, apart from the sheer ignorance on their parts, it normally means the subject has struck a chord. However, it's good to get opinions from others, makes you realise how normal you are

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buzzsore · 20/06/2011 09:55

Dull really ? That I'd rather go to a gig or pub or restaurant or cinema or even a hoe-down for a date, than round some guy's house to stare at the photos on his wall ?

Ymmv.

SpringchickenGoldBrass · 20/06/2011 09:53

There is nothing wrong with going to someone's house and having sex with them on the second date - doing it on the first date when you only know about the person via online dating is regarded as a bit risky: online daters are advised to make the first meeting in a public place etc.

truthtalking · 20/06/2011 09:49

Buzz you sound dull! Do you still have your parents taking you to dates! Bless!

buzzsore · 20/06/2011 09:20

I didn't think second date at his house was 'sleazy', truthtalking, I thought it might be unsafe, (if she hadn't known him before).

Not to mention cheap and a bit dull.

SpringchickenGoldBrass · 20/06/2011 00:30

As it was only the second date, you were pushing your luck a bit to complain about a photo of his DC's other parent being in the house.

truthtalking · 20/06/2011 00:30

Yes a family picture is completely different. acceptable and i can see how its good for the children

He may as well have a wedding photo of the two of them on the side, would that be so different? Or would people think that was normal when your dating a divroced guy?

lubeybooby · 20/06/2011 00:13

I have a picture that has me and my dd's dad in it, I've always had it up since before the split... it does have 5 other members of my family and dd in it though.

I wouldn't call it a red flag if the rest of how he is, is ok.

truthtalking · 20/06/2011 00:09

Wow Lucky Escape how dare they, are the people on here serious? This is a site for helpful opinions and advice not somewhere women come to be put down and judged!

Unless you know the full story i do not think you can comment how you have.

2nd date at his house? strange i think not, we are not living in the 60's, times moved on, dating at a blokes houses does not mean its sleazy!

2nd date 3rd date 4th date 2 years down the line, when is the right time to ask questions? Why let things that bother you wait. If your like me i say what is on my mind! Maybe some of the less educated people on here may like to waste time on men, however i do not have time to waste on men who are still in love with ex's.

I believe your right red flag, (i'm not sure it would be coming out of your head though)

If i was dating a bloke, even on the first date and i went to his house to find a picture of his wife and him cuddling at a event, i would be shocked as well as completely put off, some women are more excepting than others, but i would feel uncomfortable with the fact he needs the picture in his front room.
Just because she may be a big part of his life doesn't mean he needs pictures of her plastered across the walls. Do you really need pictures of your ex's to prove/show there a part of your life? And if you WANT a picture of you and your ex sitting on the side you still have feelings for the women/man, especially after a sore break up like cheating!

I think the guy is weird, his wife cheats on him he keeps a picture of her and him on the side,(this isn't the same as them and the kids) he obviously is incredibly hurt and his pride punctured i would steer clear. Men like this usually come with many other issues/problems.

Unlike the rude people i would say YOU have had a lucky escape!

Don't take the negative comments to heart some of the women on here don't think before they post offensive messages. We are all here for the same reason, for advice, if you disagree there is something called constructive criticism not complete time wasting comments.

Some people are so disrespectful.

BooyHoo · 19/06/2011 17:17

just to add, i am over the relationship i had with my EX. but i now have a new relationship with him and anyone new who wishes to be in my life will have the intelligence to get their head around that and see that it is a logical position to be in with the other parent of your children.

WillIEverBeASizeTen · 19/06/2011 17:12

Thank you ladies...and men..I shall now go and have my mental health issues sorted out as I'm clearly a raving lunatic

Opinions much appreciated thank you :)

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BooyHoo · 19/06/2011 17:12

i have a photo of my EXP at his passing out ceremony in the living room. i also have a photo of my best friend and her husband on their wedding day, my sister on her graduation day and my children. these people are all a part of my life. i will not hide my ex's photo as he is still a part of my life just as much as my best friend and my sister are. my children should be able to have photos of both their parents in their own home without any other adult (new partner) making them feel guilty for it.

akaemmafrost · 19/06/2011 17:08

"I'd say he had a lucky escape tbh"

I concur.

shesgotherlipstickon · 19/06/2011 17:05

Some right strange ones on here. It's his ex, the mother to his children. Why wouldn't he still have pictures up of her for the children's benefit?

Why should he erase her completely when someone he has dated for only the 2nd time gets shitty over it and start implying he should have moved it.

I'd say he had a lucky escape tbh.

WillIEverBeASizeTen · 19/06/2011 17:05

scott Maybe you should be on the Cbeebies website not MN...so juvenile..

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akaemmafrost · 19/06/2011 17:04

And actually I would be quite cool about it is someone asked me about the photos too.

I might actually think someone was a bit of a loon if they asked about it on the second date.

SheCutOffTheirTails · 19/06/2011 17:03

"I beg your pardon, but there appears to be something... just stuck in your hair there... a little higher... no, it's something red you've got attached to you somehow... ah, you've got it! Let me see. Oh goodness, why it appears to be a tiny little flag!"

akaemmafrost · 19/06/2011 17:03

Not sure really. I have photos up on my wall of ex with dc, he is still their Dad, not going to remove all trace of him from their home.

It certainly does NOT mean I still have feelings for him.

WillIEverBeASizeTen · 19/06/2011 17:02

buzz Knew him before (friend of a friend) and yes, I also had pics of ex AND kids, NOT of me and ex all dressed up attending a function...THAT is weird..

And no, I'm not a control freak and cannot bear anyone full on, just think that if you're ready to date then you should be over the ex, it's only fair on the other person..

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WillIEverBeASizeTen · 19/06/2011 16:56

scott Actually, I do think it's my business, and would have no problem asking the same question again.

If his wife is SUCH an important part of his life then maybe he should have stayed with her!

Oh and trust me, I don't need mollifying...just not on the lookout for a rebounder...such timewasters

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berries · 19/06/2011 16:54

I've got photos of x and kids around the house. Never occurred to me would be a problem tbh. Current dp also shown me photos of his x with boys. Quite liked satisfying my curiosity while being open about it :)

buzzsore · 19/06/2011 16:52

I think 2nd date at his house is a bit weird - surely it's a bit soon to be on your own with some guy? (Unless i suppose you knew him well before dating.)

As for the photo, I think on its own, not a red flag, but combined with other things it could be.

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