Is he giving mixed messages - or am i thick?

[veryconfusing]

Had a first date from a guy 10 days ago and it went well.

Then after a few days i saw him on facebook and said hi and he ignored me. Then the following day he said he could do something again, but both of us have been a little busy.
Some days i get ignored, and then i get contacted.. and although hes said about doing something, nothing has been said.

On wednesday i asked if he wanted to do something over the weekend and got no reply for 5 hours ( sent a text) so thought id but a closure on it and sent a message saying, not to worry and it had been nice meeting him. He replied within seconds saying i was being foolish and was over reacting, and he did want to. texting went on all evening.

Thursday hes been very flirty on my facebook page, so i sent a text, to which i got no reply. Today we have so far been in a poke war.

Im bloody confused.

last weekend before we were both busy we had said about doing something tonight, but nothiing has been said since, and he didnt reply when i asked if he wanted to do something.

Ive now made other plans, but i dont know if i am indeed being foolish and inpatient, or hes just messing me about.

He might not be messing her around. To be honest...I'm on his side. It sounds like he likes Veryconfusing but was perhaps taken aback when he got told to sod off after 5 little hours. Jesus...we have finance meetings at work that go on longer than that. Maybe he was just busy...

What on earth is wrong with keeping your options open after one date? Remember men that are hugely full-on at the beginning of a relationship are quite likely to be abusers and calm the fuck down. One date does not mean the other person is your partner now and can be held to account for everything s/he does that does not prioritize you.

Sounds to me like he's not interested, but enjoys the attention you pay to him (text/FB). I'd move on, it's a waste of your time.

think you are being given a hard time over the 5 hour text thing, as presumably he normally answers v promptly given you were constantly texting before the date. agree with the others - doesnt sound like he's that keen on a 2nd date, so you need to move on.

I think honestly he's just not that bothered tbh, options are open and he's looking over his shoulder - fair enough his choice, but clearly you want more and no games therefor this man's not the one for you.

FWIW in future, DP & I did text a lot hell of a lot once he finally got my number (had to work hard for it thou) and it took me about 3 days to reply to his text but had forewarned him it would do as I didn't have the phone at the time. anyhow, after the first date, I sent a message of 'thanks for a lovely evening or something of the sort to be polite (as it's rude apparently not to say thank you for being taken on a date so said thank you and left it at that) he text right away we were texting later that night & from then on & every day there after i've always left him to contact me first. I figure he knows where I am, (esp the early days) if he was that arsed about me he'd ring/get in touch some how, and if he didn't/wasn't then 'meh' not fussed will just stay single. honestly let them chase you.

As it was he went away 2 days later for a month but rang me every night for at least an hour plus texted. and then got a weekend date. That's a man who's not into playing games. The one previous to him was, and kept messing about with dates, so tbh he did get a text saying look lets not bother, had a reply back after a week or so but i wasn't arsed in game playing.

So one date and the other person's basically on a lead and has to jump every time the phone beeps with a text? FFS I am so glad I don't do this sort ot thing. This bloke probably thoght after the date, hmm, well, maybe, and then got bombarded with texts and thought, hmm, maybe not, but maybe I'll give her a chance. If he's not running for the hills right now he's either a mug or an abuser.

I don't think that's what I said at all was it, its the mixed messages. The one day lots of contact, then ignoring me the next. I find it confusing.

I saw him for a few hours Friday. We both got awfully drunk and ended up in bed, but didn't have full sex. I woke up at about 4 am and said I was going home but he said stay and he would give me a lift in the morning..but I still left. He said something about next time.....
He asked me to text a pic of somewhere where I was going yesterday... And I did, but got no reply....

So, have decided to relax about it all and just see where it goes. Slowly.
Good idea?

Has he sent a pic of his cock yet?

Yes!!

You are joking OP?

Sorry but this sounds as if it's going from bad to worse.

How did you manage to meet Friday after all? Did he suggest it- or you?

My instincts tell me that:

you pushed
he said okay- presumably hoping he'd get leg over with an over-keen woman
it didn't work out in bed
you realised it was a mistake so you decided to leave at 4am ( weird thing to do if it was all going well)
he tried to make a gentlemanly gesture re. lift as he felt a bit guilty
he now realises it's all too much hard work and he's stepping back.

no?

Just leave it. you are coming over as desperate. having a hissy fit after a gap of 5 hrs between texts- eve if he had been keen to start with, is simply mad.

Romeo Romeo....where for art thou cock pics Romeo.

( Shakespeare for the 21st century)

No. He asked.
We didn't have full sex because it naturally came to an end before we got to that part. He had said I could stay, and had offered a lift home from the beginning... I left because one I wanted to avoid the looking like death in the morning with someone I don't realky know, and two I wanted to avoid any morning awkwardness.

He asked.me to text when I.got home so he knew I was safe, which I did... And he replied. I text what he asked ( was a funny work thing) and he's been poking me on facebook all yestetday.

I don't think you are well matched and I can't see the relationship lasting long term to be frank.

if you need to leave a guy at 4am because you feel awkward and worry about your face ( I do understand that) hen it seems to say the decision to stay over was ill thought out and impulsive. It also sounds like you aren't really that comfortable with him.

I don't understand your comment about the sex- assume you mean premature ejac- but who knows.

This all sounds such hard work.

maybe i am an old fogey but i thought dates were supposed to happen quite naturally, without all these complications of FB pokes ( whatever they are) and texting or not texting.

I think you need to step back and stop over thinking.

Look, for your own sake, calm down and stop fussing about this man - find yourself a hobby or something. You are coming across as desperate, whiny and permanently anxious, and this sort of behaviour is offputting to nice men and an absolute magnet to arseholes. Is your relationship history one of either nasty abusive men - or of you falling madly in love on the first date and clinging and bleating till they run for the hills? You do sound like you need to work on your self-esteem a bit and not make such a massive deal out of two dates and what sounds like a fairly crap shag.

I've met him twice and I just feel that he doesn't need to see me in all my hair sticking up, make up halfway down my face, last nights clothes glory. That would have been super awkward. So, I left.
Lesser of two evils I thought.

Not premature ejaculation.. just by other methods.

Yes, it all seems overcomplucated, and it is probably me overthinking it all. And yes my marriage was abusive. My self esteme is fine, but I'm just unsure with men. I try to work out their intentions, probably before they even know what they are themselves.

Leave him alone long enough for him to discover he likes you and misses your company, texts, pokes or whatever it is you two do.

PS poking on fb is passe and now a little, dare I say, childish, imo

I know, I thought so too. Took me a few days to realise I was meant to do it back
I shall just have to wait and see.
I think essentially its a self defence thing. I want to know.if they want a relationship from the first date, which is stupid. But I feel like I don't want to risk getting hurt.
I don't think this will ever go away, I'll probably always feel this way, but I have to learn not to show it.

Look, give up on dating and men for a bit and work on your self-esteem and concentrate on you. Because wanting 'to know if they want a relationship from the first date' is, as you said, stupid and risky: you might as well write 'Kick me up the twinkle' on your forehead. By showing that you are desperate, you are handing all the power over to the other person - they get to decide whether you are lovable or not and, if the other person is not nice, they get a stick to beat you with and an opportunity to lord it over you - as you are the one who wants them and they can give you affection or withdraw it on a whim.

TBh you sound as if you need to do a lot of work on yourself before you go into online- or any other kind- of dating.

Can you hear what this- or any other guy- might say to his mates. "God, i tried online dating and they were all weird. Came on uber strong after 1 date, freaked out when I didn't reply to a text straight off..blah blah..."

You need to start valuing yourself so that when you might a guy you like, he will have to work hard to catch you cos you're gorgeous! That's the mind set you need.

Noone ever knows how long any relationship will last- even if they are married You really will fulfil your worries if you enter into dating with this mind set.

oops- xd posts SGB!