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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

OMG

21 replies

partnerleft · 15/06/2011 20:30

I'm just sat stewing as usual about OW and realised she is nearer in age to my DS (who dies 5 years ago) than EP. It's making me feel sick. Ds would now be 27, OW is 33 and EP is 46 , is this sick. Wonder if this is why they have having sex problems
Does anyone else think this is sick, god i want to punch this bitch so much

OP posts:

Northernlurker · 15/06/2011 20:32

You want to know if a 13 age gap is sick? Err no it isn't. Does that help?

Marne · 15/06/2011 20:33

Not sick at all, you sound very angry and hurt and i dont blame you for being angry but i'm sure you would still be as angry what ever age she is. I am 29 and Dh is 43, i have a step son who is 19 (i have never thought of it as being sick). Don't blame you for wanting to punch her though .

TheOriginalFAB · 15/06/2011 20:34

What has their sex life got to do with you?

akaEmmaFrost · 15/06/2011 20:38

Well I can understand why you might be dwelling on it a bit but how do you know they are having problems in that area. Is he confiding in you?

VelvetSnow · 15/06/2011 20:39

ffs OP I think you're clutching at anything to be pissed off about here. It's an adult relationship, not sick at all

Where are you getting your information from re: sex life?

FabbyChic · 15/06/2011 20:41

Sorry but there is nothing wrong with that age gap. Im 46 and wouldnt have a problem seeing someone of 33.

PaperView · 15/06/2011 20:43

Sorry, i too think YABU.

My dad is 51 and his girlfriend is 31. I am 29. I am not comfortable with that but it's not sick as both are adults and free to do as they choose.

ohmyfucksy · 15/06/2011 20:44

Not a weird age gap at all

Why do you know about their sex life? Ew. Get your own.

Original poster

partnerleft · 15/06/2011 20:48

must just be me then ! Ep has told me they have having difficutly when we were rowing last week . iwas screaming she must be great in bed and he siad she was nothing special and things were not too good in that department, i also found viagra in his pocket and he had to admit things were not happening
made me feel a bit better anyway

OP posts:

baguettecut · 15/06/2011 20:49

Stewing won't help you. There's nothing wrong with that sort of age gap.

akaEmmaFrost · 15/06/2011 20:50

I think it sounds as though you are still far too enmeshed with your ex partner and you need to establish a bit of distance. Of course you are going to be thinking about it, if he is telling you that kind of stuff. Why were you going through his pockets as well? Are you still living together?

Eddieshead · 15/06/2011 20:53

So sad to read about the loss of your DS

As for the ex, no that age gap is not sick. In the least. Going through his pockets, caring about his sex life, screaming at him and wanting to punch his partner arent great though.

Northernlurker · 15/06/2011 20:54

Gosh - he goes off with another woman then bitches about her to you, his ex, behind her back. So what did you see in him exactly?

You're better off out of it - now don't let him dominate your thoughts.

akaEmmaFrost · 15/06/2011 20:56

Yes, sorry about your ds OP, missed that on first read .

One thing that works for me when I get in that kind of cycle of stewing is to think purposfully of something else. I usually think about a place I went on holiday where I was really happy, my thoughts then turn naturally to other things. You have to work at it a bit though.

Original poster

partnerleft · 15/06/2011 20:56

He is wanting to stay friends as we havebeen together 25 years.I am struggling to stay friends want to love him to much to let him go, he says he loves ,me and there is no one in the world he is more comfortable with than me. but we are over and that won't change
last week we had a bbq and he was hot so put on pair of younest DS shorst while he was asllp in the sun went through his pockets and found his little blue friends

OP posts:

akaEmmaFrost · 15/06/2011 20:59

Oh he wants to be friends does he? Fucker. What he really means he is not sure it will work out with her and wants to keep you in place in case he has to do a swift U turn. You cant be friends with him, that may come later. You need to get cold, you really do, tell him, no friendship, no contact unless about dc and thats it. Its hard it really is but while he is having you as a "friend" he really has got it all his own way and not much has changed for him has it? Everything is rosy for him, life not changed that much at all, he gets to play happy families whenever he feels like it in the name of "friendship".

Northernlurker · 15/06/2011 20:59

Eh? Come on - what do you want of of the rest of your life? Staying 'friends' with somebody who valued you so little that he went off with another woman and can't get it up? (I know the latter is a cheap shot )

Look - you are putting a lot of energy in to think about him. About defining yourself throug him. Hating the other woman because of him.

What about you? Don't you deserve some of that energy? You've had some awful things happen to you. You deserve more than sitting at home seething about the age of your ex's girlfriend.

fuzzpigFriday · 15/06/2011 21:00

I'm so sorry about your DS :(

YABU, they are adults, and 13 years is really nothing. I am closer to my DSCs' age than DH's, and he's closer to my parents' age than mine. But it's all great, age is just a number really.

Anyway it is nothing to do with you. It must be so so difficult but you need to move on. Moving on from him does not mean you are moving on from or forgetting your DS. You deserve happiness again, and you cannot possibly have this while you are so caught up in hating your ex.

Xales · 15/06/2011 21:41

Sorry if I have got the wrong person but hadn't your H moved out of your house, was living elsewhere and told her you were separated?

If so, why do you want to punch her in the face? She is not the one who has done you wrong it is him.

Your anger is very misplaced.

Have you thought about counselling about the break up of your relationship I can't remember if you said you had some.

Oh and my young man is 17 years younger than me I don't find it sick at all.

pickgo · 15/06/2011 22:39

Oh come onnnn.

The OP just wants to let off steam. What human being wouldn't want to smash the face in of the OW or OM?
Get a cushion OP and punch that little OW's fucking lights out! Twat her good'un hard so she'll never forget it!

...then breathe

... and concentrate on getting your life just how you want it without worrying about some twunting fuckwit of a low down, cheating H.

Seriously, sounds like they are both on a short road to misery and your revenge will be to oh so smugly be having a happy life.

Xales · 15/06/2011 22:56

If her H was living elsewhere and told the OW they were separated what has the OW done wrong to deserved her fucking lights punched out?

It is not her fault. She is not an OW by design or intention. She deserves as much sympathy as the OP for being lied to and deceived.

The person whose lights she should fucking punch out are her deceptive and cruel H who carried on sleeping with her and leading her to believe they were a couple when he was off doing things with the OW.

For her to carry this level of venom and hatred at the OW is misdirected and it is not doing her any good!

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