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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

stay or go

8 replies

raychie26 · 14/06/2011 11:48

i have been with him for 20 years and thought all was great up until last october when i found a secret facebook page he had set up just to talk to one woman when confronted with it he said it was just a laugh and she made him feel happy they have never met but had spoke on the phone and text each other some of the text were sexual after finding this out i have become paranoid everytime he is on the phone or the laptop i'm thinking its to her. i now find him on swingers sites and looking at porn all the time,oh the swingers site is where he met this woman, i am at the end of my tether and he wont talk about it,the tension in our house is mad walking on eggshells all the time

OP posts:
GypsyMoth · 14/06/2011 11:54

if he's been told how its made you feel and he's STILL doing it,then i'd go,lifes too short

MeAndRoo · 15/06/2011 16:45

If he is still using these websites and refusing to talk about it then chances are that he is communicating with more than one woman. Although it's only through email etc it's obviously still wrong. If i was in your shoes I would tell him that you were leaving if it continues and if he doesn't give it up for you then I would leave! Sorry if I sound a bit harsh but you shouldn't have to feel that way, do what's best for you and your kids.

humptydidit · 15/06/2011 20:16

honestly? I would go.

I know maybe some people would say that it's not that bad... if it was just browsing these sites I think that's not so bad, but if he is still chatting to that woman despite you telling him you don't think it's acceptable then I would say ditch him!

YOu deserve more respect than taht

FabbyChic · 15/06/2011 20:52

Why are you still with him? He is cheating! Maybe not in the physical sense but he is still cheating emotionally.

I'd offer him an ultimatum fuck off the swingers sites and this woman or fuck the fuck off out of the relationship.

You are worth so much more than him.

annieatnofour · 15/06/2011 21:02

Hi Ray

This could be me writing this post - iam so sorry to hear you are going through this.

My H was ( and still is - since 2003) using all these swingers sites and then instant messaging women on yahoo etc.

It makes you feel so inadaquate - and you are worth so much more than that.

If i can be any help plse pm me ( my thread is help and support needed)

Take care
annie

humptydidit · 15/06/2011 21:07

excellent advise fabby life is too short to waste on these arseholes

HipHopOpotomus · 15/06/2011 21:15

I've had some personal experience and Sid a bit of research in the past. This kind of behaviour tends to escalate I'm afraid. It's all the secrets and lies over it too. Tends to kill intimacy in real life relationships! Does he have access on his phone ? If he doesn't stop I think you have a big decision to make. I feel for you.

AnyFucker · 15/06/2011 21:18

get out before you spend the next 20 years looking over your shoulder (imbetween visits to the STD clinic)

seriously, what are you still doing with him ?

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