help: semantic nightmare is ruining my day

[Aimlesswhinemouse]

DP and I have real communication problems and sometimes it surrounds everyday words. I know this sounds trivial but, just to take an example that cause a major row last night...whenever I cook a quiche for a dinner party or picnic DP always refer to it as a ?flan?.

I've corrected his mistake lots of times (there are loads of other examples!!!!!!) - but he has consistently failed to take notice of my correction, continually referring to quiches as flans and using the two words as if they were interchangeable.

I am finding his insensitivity to linguistic nuance increasingly depressing and I feeling increasingly distant from him. I just don?t know how much longer I can go on listening to him keep referring to a quiche as a flan. I'm sure this must be a symptom of deeper problems, but I'm just going out of my mind and feel so confused right now.

Doesn't anyone have a Larousse Gastronomique to hand?

All quiches are flans, but not all flans are quiches.

DP insists on calling the Apprentice, the "Apprentist". He knows it's incorrect but continues to do so. It makes me seethe .

All I can say OP is that if this is the sum total of stress in your life right now you are one hell of a lucky human being. You might want to consider filling some of the time you have to get concerned by the semantics of pastry products with something a little more useful, fulfilling and life affirming. What about some voluntary work for a local school/charity/church (perhaps pass on the requests to bake quiche/flans for the summer fair though).

If the nightmare of the quiche/flan conundrum is actually masking more serious issues in your relationship then there are some very wise and kind people here on MN who will be glad to help.

TBH, from the information you've provided so far I think you should be bl**dy grateful your DH puts up with such slightly bonkers obsessive behaviour.

Stop making quiches

I had a boyfriend once who couldn't tell the difference between a skirt and a dress. I kid you not. I dumped him of course, but a bit of the pain is still there

OP, at least you're not married to my DH. English is his fourth language and so keen is he to be constantly expanding his vocabulary that he will often wake me up in the middle of the night to define an unfamiliar word in the book he's reading. I've had hours of therapy and a couple of conversations with solicitors about it and have reached the brave decision to stay with him for the sake of the children.

It's a Venn diagram problem.

All quiches are flans. Not all flans are quiches.

"Flan" describes a number of different foods, including quiche.

Same way all labradors are dogs, but not all dogs are labradors.

(good joke thread btw, Relationships is an unusual place for it)

OP the point I was making is that semantics is a moveable feast, different words are used in different regions of the UK, and the language has evolved and continues to do so.

I am quite aware thank you that wiki is an openly editable collection of knowledge and no, I don't believe everything I read (including your OP when I first read it!).

My friend has been through similar.
Her husband persisted in pronouncing hanging basket as hanging basket instead of hanging basket.

She took him to the cleaners OP

Actually, to be a tiny bit serious for a moment, XH did used to use wrong words and pronunciations for things, and persisted in doing so because he knows I am a pedant and it would annoy me. One day he shuffled through a dictionary and claimed to be shocked to find the F word. He said you can't put things like that in a dictionary. I said a dictionary records the language as it is, not as it ought to be, and if a word is in common usage they are duty bound to describe its meaning. He interpreted that as "you can make up language as you go along" and quoted this to me often thereafter, with a whinny of laughter . As I say, knowing that is a particular weakness of mine. Casual racist and sexist remarks were other examples of the same. I don't know whether he really is racist but he knows it annoys the life out of me, so he made a point of it. He got short shrift on sexism because as the only female in the house I just clearly was superior, and if he tried to deny that he was in serious trouble. He didn't go in much for confrontation; low-level irritation was his favourite weapon. Passive-aggressive git. again.

blatant EA. Do you want your children growing up and thinking this is normal. They are little sponges and HE is providing the blue print for their culinary ambiguity. Think seriously if you would want a DS of yours to act like this or a DD be treated like this. Do you think he might have NPD?

Show me a quiche that was ever made with custard!

Ooo yes, me too. Feeling really hungry now.

DH is clearly f*cking with the OP's mind. Is it time to talk about rape yet? :)

It's all about rape with you isn't it, Omigawd [disgusted]

DialsMavis, I don't think you should describe children as little sponges in a thread about quiches, flans and pies. Just saying.

All quiches are made with custard ffs.

Have you ever actually made one, OP?

No?

Then I pity your DCs.

You should be ashamed of yourself

From the information you have given us it seems highly likely that your dh has a drug addicition or is an alcoholic. Possibly both. Either way there is not much you can do other than leave him. Bastard.

I feel your pain. My dh insists on calling crumpets 'pikelets'. It makes my teeth itch.

Btw hanging baskets with the emphasis on 'bas'. Isn't that how everyone says it?