What now - how do I prove it!!

[Twinkie]

Message withdrawn

Have you asked her why she doesn't want to go back? if she can give you a reason it might be enough for you to be given full custody.

Don't know about the dictaphone thing - they are easy to edit and so I don't know how reliable they are considered.

chin up dear, big hugs... wish I could be more help!!

Message withdrawn

Who decided on the joint custody anyway, is it a formal agreement or one you have come to between yourselves?

Message withdrawn

thanks for your good wishes on my thread!
What does your solicitor say? do you get on with his mother?
If you refuse to let him see her, could that cause problems for you at court?
If she likes her Grandma, why not suggest that you drop her off at her Grandma's house and use her as a go between?
Sorry things are horrid for you, hugs!
x

So if it's not formal can't you just keep her at yours and say 'plans have changed you can see her once a week'.

Phone your solicitor tell them you want full custody until the court date, explain the situation tell the solicitor your fears for your daughters mental well-being through all this (and physical if it's really a concern)... tell them you fear that he will abduct her if he sees her alone so you'll only be happy with him having supervised visits - his family can over-see this if they agree. Call the childminders explain the situation make it clear that he is no longer allowed to collect her.

If he doesn't agree to seeing her once a week then it'll be down to him to fight for more custody.

Most courts and solicitors think it is in the best interest for the child to be with the mother for the most part - that's what my solicitor told me anyway.

I'm only talking from my experience so might not apply to you of course. The abduction thing was a concern in my case because I had a text saying I would never see her again but as soon as there's a threat the police/courts take it very seriously (IME)

Oh Twinkie, I'm so sorry, this must be heart-wrenching for you. I think it does sound a good idea to talk to our solicitor, after all, there might be risks in being seen to be 'happy' with a situation where your dd is away from you for part of the week. Perhaps any witness who is not related to you in any way might be able to make a statement. As far as I can see you are committed to enabling her to keep up some sort of relationship with her dad, but not sure why she should be there for half the week! How does she react when you pick her up again?
And I agree with Aloha: in the short time I have been MN-ing, you have seemed to change, and grown into your natural self; funny, strong, wry, intelligent, playful, kind.

Hi Twinkie sorry to make you cry!
I do know how you feel. My stepdaughter had periods like this - really sobbing when my dh dropped her back at her mother's. It was heartbreaking and my dh used to cry when he got home. It was partly so horrible because her mother refused to comfort her because she was so annoyed that my stepdaughter loved her dad so much. So even though we are on 'the other side' I do understand your pain. However! While I am very sure that she does want to stay with you I think it may be the awful emotional turmoil of the actual handover that is causing a big part of her grief . I think spending more time with you wil help her feel more secure bt maybe she is so desperate to be with you she will say anything, including some things about her dad which aren't true (I hope). Maybe she thinks that way she will see more of you. I truly hope this is the case and he doesn't hit her. As for the letter, well yes, It might be a good idea to write to his mother to say you hope that realises that she will always be able to see her granddaughter whatever happens and that she can vist her at your house. That can only do you good in court (facilitating contact between both sides of a child's family is a very important part of deciding who gets residence ) but I don't think it will make any difference to how often your ex will want to see your dd between now and when you go to court and I doubt his mother will turn against him - she's his mother after all. So I don't think it will make a practical difference right now. Re the taping. It might seem a bit odd, but you could start keeping notes and use the tapes if all else fails... but I'm really doubtful it will help you much. My dh's ex also denied that his daughter ever cried BTW. Be strong! Do you get to speak to her on the phone regularly? If so, why not call her now. You should be able to speak to her at the childminder's IMO>

Twinkie could she be upset because most of the time there is a confrontation between you and ex dh.Children feel torn when parents split and she is obviously not coping very well with the situation.

can someone else drop/pick her up, that way your dd will not see the confrontations you have. Surely your dp or a friend or even your uncle could do this for you and your dd.
Try it for a few weeks and see how it goes.

The letter to his mother go for it, you have nothing to lose.

As for the bashing thing (ok you cant see him doing it) is there any bruises/ marks on her to substantiate this remark.
If there is why arent you keeping her with you END OF.You see I dont understand this as what is the worst that could happen if you KEPT her and reported this.You only have your childs best interests at heart so I cant see any authority body ie social services/ police sending her back there with those allegations.They would have to investigate these claims and she would not go back until they are satisfied.

On the other hand if she is not getting bashed it seems to me she is playing the both of you off against eachother.She knows how you both tick and what will get you both angry.

I think Twinkie rightly feels (on the advice of her solicitor) that if she starts changing existing arrangements on an (apparent) whim, then the court might feel she is not reliable or may not stick to court-approved arrangments. It's very sad but hopefully will all come right in the end.

Message withdrawn