Will I regret sending this letter to xmil?

[Aimsmum]

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I wouldn't have anything to do with her. The letter is a sort of hand grenade lobbed at her. It may feel temporarily satisfying, but it takes up your energy and implies that you give a shit. And I'd rather my x-mil knows I don't, personally. Apart from which, it may start off a series of skirmishes. Sounds like it may lead to hassle.

I always think of xmil and xp as being the living dead tbh. It amazes me that xmil imagines herself alive.

Brilliant Aimsmum Totally agree with the sentiment but also agree not to send it from your DD. It is your gripe, not hers. If she choses to feel the same when she is able to make her own decisions then that is fine but she will have to realise these things for herself.

DEFO Send it though - absolutely great idea.

I understand your feelings on this matter but it isn't fair to make the children take the flak for it, that is why I wrote my rather scathing letter.

I feel better for having had the chance to have my say on things and now I just write once a year enclosing copies of the children's school reports (which, of course, to my mind are a glowing testament to me).

I think the letter just gives her "hard evidence" to wave about and say "Look! See! I was right about that evil bitch all along! See what she's sent me?"

"All I did was send my dear grand daughter some presents for her birthday... sob sob, boo hoo...."

You are probqably right to be the bigger person and not do a thing but I just couldn't. It would nark me for ages and ages and ages and then I would end up doing something worse than if i had just acted on instinct in the first place.

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LOL Aimsmum - it's a brilliant letter - BUT I'm with FF, in principle.

It is important, though, to have fanatsy revenge, to keep you sane.

I used to write loads of letters to his family expressing my feelings and threw most of them away, but will admit to having great pleasure when xsil wrote to me to tell my of xfil's death. She had the audacity suggest that we may be upset to hear such news.

I will confess to replying along the lines that she could have saved the cost of the stamp cos I thought he was a complete w*nker.

Write two letters. The insulting, "nasty" one that honestly expresses your sentiments and one from your DD which simply says "Thank you very much for the clothes you sent me for my birthday. I look forward to growing into them.". Send the second one and tear the first one up.

I think sd is right or just vent here and ignore

but as i said that's me

Agree with Rhubarb etc re: name

But DEFINITELY send it - if it was me and I didn't send it, I'd lie awake at night feeling angry about it! This makes your point perfectly and she can't argue with any of it.

send it... she can't use it as ammunition.. because everything in it is true!

I wouldn't send a thank you letter at all.

I'm too eaten up with hatred and malice.

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no no being the bigger person is permanent or it's wasted...

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Aimsmum,
I agree, dont send it from your dd.

But, if you think that your xmil has been unpleasant enough to give up some of her grandparently rights, then send it from you.

I had to refuse presents from my parents for the chidlren, because in the context of what my parents have done, I now think its insulting for them to throw a Christmas present at my children as though there are not major issues between us.

And yes, Ive had the "how can you make your children suffer" routine from my family, but frankly they (my family) have proved over and over again that they dont give a * about my children.

Ha ha ha - I knew there was a drawback to being the bigger person!

The problem is this won't draw a line under anything, but rather open up a new front IME.

I have written letters in the past, largely to make myself feel better, and really regretted it.

I'd say don't do it.

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But if you sign it from DD then it won't be from you - even if the sentiments are obviously from you. If you want to have your say, and don't care about any comeback, then do it from yourself and say exactly what you think.

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Send it from you and don't put enough postage on so that she has to pay to collect it (-: