What does unconditional love mean to you?

[Blondie73]

if you love your OH/DH/DW unconditionally, does that mean you never ask for anything back? that you never give up on them, even at the expense of yourself and your feelings? even if they don't expect it from you?

No I don't. And I don't think I should. I love my children like that, no one else. At some point you should assess all other relationships, otherwise imo you are just co-dependent

Even if you love someone unconditionally you still have to love yourself enough to not let your own feelings/needs/etc be put on the back burner.
Why give someone unconditional love if it's not returned?
You don't want "doormat" tattooed on your head! x

what does co-dependent mean? Sorry if I'm being thick!

Blondie73, I am going to disagree with you here in the sense that I don't really think two adults in a sexual relationship can love each other unconditionally. I just don't think that it is possible. It's always 'you scratch my back. I'll scratch yours' (not in a cynical or conscious way) Think unconditional love is reserved for children only.

When I say 'sexual', I mean a relationship and not just sex by the way.

Tricky one. I believe I love my children unconditionally, I don't love them only if they do X Y and Z. However I don't get nothing back from them, they give me back respect (which I don't have to ask for) and will help me practically or emotionally if asked.

I have loved my DH unconditionally, he has behaved very selfishly a lot of the time which has been at the expense of my feelings and, at times, my mental wellbeing. I am no longer prepared to love him unconditionally as I don't see it is healthy in our relationship.

If loving my children inconditionally affected me in the same way I would probably not love them unconditionally either.

The two relationships though are different IMO. I still love my DH despite what he does but I am not in love with him and to be honest don't like him very much at the moment and there is little respect for him.

I don't think relationships between partners should be unconditional.

I have certain conditions that must be met if I'm going to fall in love with someone. Conditions like not cheating, not being unkind or cruel, not being violent...

Unconditional love is reserved for family. Even if my dad or brother murdered someone, I would still love them. My partner? No way.

It means loving no matter what happens. That shouldn't be the case with adults - love should be given free of expectation but not free of conditions (thinking mutual respect not 'buy me flowers every week' type conditions)

As a parent you should know what unconditional love is. If you don't then I feel sorry for you and your kids.

If you do then the question is, do you love your DH/DP the same.....

I don't wish to come over as dismissive, but if love between adults in relationships was unconditional we would not have divorce.

Unconditional love for me is the love I have for my children.
There is absolutely nothing they could do that would make me stop loving them.
Dh, is different, I love him dearly but there are things that could easily kill any feelings for him that I have. Cheating, violence etc.
Same with other members of my family I think too, my parents or my brothers, if they were to hurt my Dc or something along those lines...

The only unconditional love can be for your Dc.

Unconditional love is what I have for my children.

My love for my dh has conditions attached....eg: the he not cheat on me, that he treat me with respect, that he respects me etc etc

I would walk on my knees through broken glass for my dh, but I would die for my children.

I disagree izzybiz - I think you can have unconditional love for people other than DCs. I think there's a difference between unconditional love, and liking or accepting someone or what they do. The former doesn't necessarily mean that you have to do the latter.

I'm separating from my husband. I love him unconditionally. But I don't want to be with him, nor does he want to be with me. For me, those can co-exist.

Unconditional love (for children/adults) is a bit of a myth to be honest. Even for your kids, would you still love them if they turned out to be Hitler?

I think it's good if our love for our children can have an unconditional element to it, though we may never fully achieve this, as we're only human.
I feel I could have done with more of this myself, and sometimes felt love and affirmation was tied a little to being good or achieving things.
As others have said I think the concept is less applicable to adults, perhaps especially to those in a relationship or partnership.
It is probably unachievable between adults, and whether it would be a good thing anyway is also questionable.

Loving someone is about loving the person they are. The relationship is conditional not the love and respect you have for them.

Same goes for the kids

bennifer I think I could TBH, I might not like everything they do in life but I will always love them.

conflugenglugen Like I say, I don't believe that my love for Dh can be unconditional, there are so many things he could do that could turn my love to hate.
I really don't believe you can love a partner unconditionally.

Izzy

I'm not sure the difference between a partner and your children, and why you can love one unconditionally but not the other.

I can see on one hand you can choose your partner, but to an extent, if your children did something unforgiveable (murder a load of kids), you could choose your relationship with them

Okay, Izzy - I'll clarify. I believe that I can love my partner unconditionally - and I do, everything else about him and our relationship notwithstanding. And I'll extend that to my family, my friends, my enemies, anyone that I know, anyone I meet, anyone I'm aware of. Unconditional love takes no effort, and can have layers of emotions on top of it, from like to annoyance, dislike to hate. Yes, I believe that love and hate can co-exist too. Just ask D H Lawrence.

Tbh, I find it more difficult to like and/or enjoy someone's company than to love them.

Niceguy2 if you read my OP again properly then you'll see I was referring to (in no particular order) OH/DH/DW NOT my relationship with my son! Of course I love him unconditionally - thats natural. My question was could it exist / does it exist between two adults (i.e. partner/husband/wife).

Unconditional love is only for children - they love unconditionally, and need unconditional love for their healthy development.

Love between adults is, rightly, conditional. You make a choice to love that person for their loveable qualities. If they stop being so loveable, you stop loving them. And that's as it should be.

Agree with garlicbutter. Unconditional love is when there are no preconditions at all. It is what it says on the tin. As an adult there are mutual responsibilities. You can't abuse each other, or the love can be removed. You have responsibilities to your kids, they have none towards you. That is the only time that applies.

Anyone who says someone doesn't love them unconditionally and is complaining about it is abusing the other person. There should always be conditions. Reciprocity, mutual support, kindness, honesty. It even says at the start of the CoE marriage ceremony that marriage is about mutual love, comfort and support. It isn't remotely unconditional, marriage - lots of very explicit promises get made, in fact!

Just to echo what everyone else has pretty much said.
I love my dc unconditionally, there is nothing they could do that would stop me loving them. I'm sure I wouldn't always like what they do but i'll always love them.

I love my DH hugely but is it not and cannot be unconditional. Our love is based on mutual respect, he doesn't cheat on me, doesn't abuse me etc.
I don't think it can and does exist between couples.

I think there's a difference between unconditional and unfaltering.

Unconditional - parent:child.
Unfaltering - well obviously if DP cheated on me, abused me in any way, changed hugely etc etc the love would change. However, I do not believe it will falter unless one of the above happens.

Yeah, it's the difference between committed, and blind, isn't it? I am absolutely committed to loving my husband, but I do not and will not love him blindly. I expect him to treat me well, just as I am obligated to treat him well myself (and because I love him, I want to treat him well).

My antennae go up when anyone thinks love should be without conditions. I think the key condition is that the other person doesn't take the piss, because you love them so they can. You see, sadly, too many women post here where that seems to be the case.