Have name changed as there are a few peeps on here who know me in RL and I dont want my RL world to know about this as I am embarrassed if I am being totally honest. This is going to be a right old ramble I fear as I try and explain things.
Married 10 years. Together 15. 2 DC 13 and 10. DH has never been a particuarly social person. Never had any close friends long term mates really a few peeps that come and go but then we have moved around alot in our marriage due to his job. I however, make the most of where ever we live and always seem to have some kind of social group of friends. Things between us are OK. Not fab but not awful. I do sense we are not as close these days but then we do little together. He does not like the things I like to do and I am not that keen on his interests either. We do just tend to just rub along. I am not unhappy but slowly realising how little time we enjoy together.
We had a long distance relationship for about 18months before moving in together. I now realise thats some of his persona he put across to me before moving in together was not 100% accurate- although he never actively lied. What I am trying to say is that I never got the impression he was an unsociable person. When we used to see each other, me where he lived and when he came to my town - we used to spend alot of our time out with other people and having fun. Within 6 months of us setting up home together (where he was then working) I fell pregnant - not planned (DC now just turned 13).
We then spent the following few years with babies and toddlers and no support network as we lived 500 miles from family. We rarely went out together. Infact my DC were 3 and 1 before I went out again. He would go to the occassional work curry night or similar. For years and years it was like this as we moved house every few years. Slowly it dawned on me and through some discussions together he admitted he disliked socialising really and couldnt be arsed with it. He knows friends are important to me and we have slipped into this kind of seperate social lives. He plays PS3/walks up hills, I go for coffee/lunch/pub/shopping with a mate and still pop to my home town every 6 to 8 weeks for an overnight stay to see my parents and best friend.
He is a very optomistic person and he spends his free time mountain biking, mountain/hill walking and gaming on the PS3. All of which he does alone. Occassionally me or one or both of the kids will join him on his walking or biking, occassionally a friend/mate from work but for most part he goes alone. He is certainly not depressed. He loved his job and is so enthusiastic about these few things in life. He is also a fab full hands on Dad to our DC.
People do notice how unsociable he is and I worry that he comes accross as rude. We had a small street party (4 families) in our street for the Royal Wedding and he was the only 1 who didnt join in on the day. He stayed in playing PS3. The other families commented in a jokey way that they rarely see him, he rarely speaks to even say hello and joked it was embarrassing in the mornings when they were all getting into their cars at the same time (in a cimmunal car park by our houses) and he does not even make eye contact with them. One person said he looks embarrassed to say hello. I just told them he is shy - which I suppose he is/must be.
However, he does spend ALOT of time alone. I will go out and do stuff with my mates, our DC etc. For instance if the DC want to go into town shopping on a weekend I will take them -they go off with their mates shopping and I do my own shopping. Its a win win situation - we then meet for lunch or tea and go home to DH who is either sat infront of the PS3 or back from a 12 mile hike.
DH hoards stuff galore. Hard to believe with the amount of times we have moved in the past 12 years but he wont chuck anything and its now getting to be a bit ridiculous. Our bedroom is piled high around the edges of stuff he will not chuck - old computers, old TVs and clothes. He has a tripple wardrobe, 2 chests and clothes piled high in the bedroom. he wont chuck any of it. We have had chats and rows about this over the years but nothing changes. He hides stuff in the attic and then when we move it obviously gets found. You would not believe some of the stuff he has kept.
Last weekend me and DC cleared their rooms. They decided they wanted to chuck their old videos out. So I just binned them - black bag ready for bin day yesterday. I work in a charity shop and videos have stopped selling and we have recently stopped accepting them as wer cannot give them away. No one I know has a video anymore so I just thought I would bin them.
Well he has gone mental. These are Disney videos. most of which the DC have duplicated on DVD. I have just resigned myself they will remian in the carrier bags he has put them in placed behind the diningroom door. He will do nothing with them and I cant face a row so its another pile of shit just sitting in the corner of yet another room.
Something else happend on the weekend which has really made me stand back and look at him and I suddenly see a bit of a loner weirdo freak and not my husband.
I swear to god I am not making this up.
I got up Sunday morning to our usually chaotic messy kitchen. Loads of glasses/dishes etc waiting to go in the dishwasher, which was waiting to be emptied. I noticed something yellow in a glass and just knew straight away it was urine. I sniffed it and it was. My 10yo was with me and also guessed what it was. I took the glass through to my husband who was in the lounge on the PS3 and asked him why he had done it. He looked a little embarrassed but didnt deny it. I asked if it was because he could not be arsed to shift his arse upstairs to the loo. He said nothing and played his game and asked me to throw it away. I refused. I left it on the kitchen windowsill for him to dispose ofand cleared the rest of the kitchen. Went out to the Gym and shops etc.
Later that day he came over all amorous to me. I told him to piss off. His pissing in the glass had upset me, pissed me off and I thought it was vile and disgusting. He then mumbled something about thinking he had something in his urine and needed to look at it. I dont believe this. It took him 7 hours to come up with this. Further discussion last night about his Drs visit to get checked out, confirm my doubts. He is way too vague about the details and he reckons he has to wait until next week for an appointment when I phoned yesterday and got offerd 4 different appointments for myself for yesterday or today. Infact our med centre is linked to his work and personnel generally get priority for appointments. That said in the 14 months we have lived here I have always managed to get a same day or next day appointment.
Further still, assuming he is being honest and he wanted to look at his urine there are other containers he could have used - several sample bottles in the first aid cupboard as our DC has kidney issues. Secondly - why just leave it out.
More disgusting though that was when he realised he had to dispose of the glass of piss himself, he just chucked it down the sink. No bleach, just a little run of the tap.
Every glass in the house has been dishwasherd - but I now find myself no wanting used the glasses. I am not usually such a wuss with things but this has just turned my stomach. There have been a few incidents before when I have smelt urine in the kitchen or even the bathroom sink (have a sepearate loo) but just never thought much about it. Am now wondering if its my husband.
I dunno - the wee incident has kind of flipped a switch in my head which has me thinking - he has gone too far with his wierdness now. I have just been totally turned off.
Dunno what I want anyone to say or suggest - perhaps an outsider view on how they would feel if their husband did the same.