I'm thinking more and more that counselling would be such a good idea. I'm really not sure you're in a happy place, and this relationship doesn't sound something that's going to bring you joy and fulfilment. In fact, the more you post about it, the more I think that.
Counselling is good because it provides a place, a relationship, where you can work out stuff that you perhaps didn;t have time, opportunity or help to work out earlier in your life - specifically in childhood and adolescence,, where lots of us do our emotional and relationship experimenting, and get bumps, and grazes occasionally, but also a lot of experience - ideally in a way that has a safety-net.
ideally, that safety-net is the experience of having been loved, cherished, and given (good) attention at an early point in life. Some people don't get to have that, for one reason or another.
In the latter case, without counselling, you can find yourself working stuff out in relationships, with people who aren't really so super-duper, or are limited in some way. Or working things out in ways that damage us and other people. Even if the other people are well-intentioned, it's not really ideal, it's beyond their remit to be providing help in that way. With the best will in the world, it'll go pear-shaped. And the most likely scenario is ending up with people who need someone who is not so confident about their needs/boundaries when in a relationship. And some of those people can be very worrying indeed - dangerous even.
As i said, in an ideal world, there would be no need for counselling, or very little, we'd all have enjoyed enough fulfilling relationships of all kinds (parents, siblings, family, friends, workmates, people at school, all sorts) to have a fair idea of how it works when it works well, and to see us through the bad relationships, and help us learn from them. But, sadly, it's not an ideal world.