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Original poster

Last Night I .....

51 replies

TheLadyEvenstar · 23/05/2011 10:23

Went out for a few hours with friends and I didn't come home until 4am.
DP had called the police and my sister...

we have been rowing for a few days now and tbh I just didn't want to come back here to row again. So at 11,45 when my friends went home I went for a walk and just kept walking, trying to clear my head. Because of the area I live in I put my phone on silent so nobody bothered me. I checked my phone at 3.30 and found I had had 21 missed calls.

I know I was stupid and inconsiderate to do that but I am so worn out with it all.

I had 2 hours sleep and am now vegging on the sofa while ds2 plays.

When I came home we started to talk but shortly it turned into bickering so i went to bed.

OP posts:
mrsbunnthebaker · 23/05/2011 10:54

that was very silly and your OH must have been beside himself with worry

I always say to my OH and my kids if you are going to run away/leave, at least leave me a note so that I am not imagining you have topped yourself or been murdered

boxingHelena · 23/05/2011 11:07

4 hours out and about in the night and did not once check the phone? a bit crazy hu !

Original poster
TheLadyEvenstar · 23/05/2011 12:33

I was so hurt and upset I just needed to have some space. If I had come back earlier it would have just been a full blown row and I really couldn't cope with it.

I started walking and just didn't stop.

OP posts:
mumblechum1 · 23/05/2011 12:36

TBH I think you should have texted him to tell him you wouldn't be home for quite a while and not to worry.

Original poster
TheLadyEvenstar · 23/05/2011 12:40

I had spoken to him and he was being nasty. I told him I would not be coming back to hassle. So he did know.

I was wrong.

OP posts:
PurpleRayne · 23/05/2011 12:41

Poor you. It's hardly something you planned or were doing rationally. I think you need some help, would you consider going to your doctor?

cheesesarnie · 23/05/2011 12:46

so you did tell him!
it was bit silly wondering around that late but if thats what you needed to do.have you talked about why you needed to do it?

Original poster
TheLadyEvenstar · 23/05/2011 13:11

We havent spoken all day.

I am at a loss as to what to say. I am worn out with the rowing and feeling hurt all the time. I soend my weekends out (friday and sunday) as I am sick of sitting here alone or when he is here sitting with someone who doesn't really speak.

The relationship was going well until we had a major row in February and he said something which really hurt me and I cannot forgive him for that.

OP posts:
cheesesarnie · 23/05/2011 13:16

you need to do something(im a rubbish one to speak!Grin),you cant keep wondering around the streets in the small hours.

shesgotherlipstickon · 23/05/2011 13:19

I think it's 6 of one, half a dozen of the other here tbh.

You had a row, he's been nasty whatever. You disappear out for hours in the middle of the night on your own, ignoring all calls, but leaving your phone on. Not once checking it Hmm

What was he supposed to think.

Honestly? I think you are playing games to and wanted to "make him pay" and worry, he called your bluff and phoned the police.

I think you need help tbh.

Bohica · 23/05/2011 13:24

You need to speak to him, maybe write him a letter. Do you want to forgive him?

garlicbutter · 23/05/2011 13:24

Sorry to hear this, TLE. I used to walk off my feelings, too - I understand why you did it, and you had told him (though a text halfway through would have been helpful.)

3 months is a long time to worry over an insult. There's more to it. Can you get yourself to a counsellor, to work through your feelings instead of thrashing around in frustration?

Original poster
TheLadyEvenstar · 23/05/2011 13:25

No I wasn't playing games. I am worn out with all the rowing. I had told him I would not be coming back to more hassle.

I have had some real shitty things said to me of late and yes they have finally got to me.

"if not for you having the kids I wouldn't stay, I only stay for them"

"I don't love you enough to marry you"

"I wouldn't be with you if you hadn't fallen pregnant with DS2"

they are just a few of them. I had told him I was on the brink if walking away from everything because I felt so down about things.

He didn't call my bluff as I was not playing any games.

OP posts:
TheOriginalFAB · 23/05/2011 13:27

You did what you felt was the best thing to do.

Do you want a divorce or is there a chance for you both?

garlicbutter · 23/05/2011 13:30

Ouch, TLE, no wonder you were beside yourself!
:(
Hate to say this, but is it time you took him at his word? You're worth better than to share your life with someone who doesn't value you. So are your kids.

Lipstickgal · 23/05/2011 13:35

Get out of this crummy relationship. What he has said is unforgiveable.

Original poster
TheLadyEvenstar · 23/05/2011 13:42

FAB do I want a divorce? oh more than anything I want a divorce - HIS DIVORCE FROM HIS WIFE WHICH HE PROMISED HE WOULD HAVE DONE BEFORE DS2 TURNED 1 - HE IS NOW ALMOST 4.

OP posts:
TheOriginalFAB · 23/05/2011 13:43

Oh. What are you going to do?

garlicbutter · 23/05/2011 13:53

He says he doesn't love you, is with you only out of duty. When you say you want him to divorce his ex, you're really saying you want him to love you & to freely choose commitment with you.

I'm sorry, my love, but you can't force someone to feel a certain way :(

I'm not surprised you feel stressed.

cheesesarnie · 23/05/2011 13:58

what garlic said.

horrible situation.

ChickensHaveNoEyebrows · 23/05/2011 14:03

If I were you, id start making arrangements to walk away while I still had my dignity. Yu can't make someone love you, and this dysfunctional relationship will be harmful to your DC.

Original poster
TheLadyEvenstar · 23/05/2011 14:23

I have been looking for rooms for him to rent today.

I can no longer stay this way so either we have to talk abd sort things out with a counsellor, as he does tell me daily that he loves me, but after he told me he didn't love me enough to marry me I have doubted he does.

I have also booked a weekend away in a few weeks for DC and me.

OP posts:
cheesesarnie · 23/05/2011 14:28

sounds like youve made a good start.

Mouseface · 23/05/2011 14:51

TLES - this doesn't sound like the kind of relationship that's going to go anywhere.

He won't divorce his ex.

He won't marry you.

He loves you, but is he in love with you?

You were out of order to let him and your sister worry so much about you last night. You know that and maybe it was a bit of attention seeking? Maybe you hoped that he'd worry about you to show you he does still care?

I can understand that in a way, like you just need him to want you..... it won't make this relationship any better.

He's put his cards on the table so tbh, I have no idea why he's staying. I really hope it's not for the DCs because that's just awful.

Two unhappy parents, rowing, shouting and feeling helpless. Even if the DC never hear you argue etc..... they will pick up on the vibe in the house.

What did he say to you that has caused this to bubble away and make you so upset?

Original poster
TheLadyEvenstar · 23/05/2011 15:14

I personally think it is an acumalation of all the things he has said and the lack of effort he puts into things.

Effort is probably the wrong word.

an example is if he has to make a call to pay a bill or arrange something he always and I mean always gets me to do it. When we are going out its me getting everyones clothes ready. To the point I hate going out for the day.

I mean he is 48yrs old and far from a child but in so many ways he acts like one. He had an abusive childhood and has not had any dealings with his mother for the last 8yrs. Sometimes I feel like its a mum he wants. Sad

OP posts: