I was talking to a long term male friend of mine the other night on the phone about porn. He's a keen user of it, and as I'm not really emotionally invested, at was an excellent opportunity to ask him about it. His preferences, why he watches, etc. I was trying to get to the bottom of why he uses it, but from what I could gather, he just doesn't feel it's wrong. He's comfortable with it, and not ashamed about using porn. I mentioned I was uneasy about it myself and didn't really know how I felt about it, porn in general I mean. But my own feelings, whether they come from my upbringing by a lapsed catholic mother, or whatever - they are just as valid as his feelings about porn. This is not to debate the porn industry as a whole, something which happens on here quite a lot when a woman posts about her DHs porn use. But in terms of they way people react to it, men and women seem to approach it from rather different perspectives.
It's a bit like smoking, for example. Some people are okay with it, others aren't. Some people say they've given up, then continue to sneak around behind their partners back and lie about it. Others quit because they respect their partners feelings on the matter. Others say, 'well this is me and something I like - if you don't like it, don't be with me.'
I've realised of late (especially after talking to my friend) that there are different ways of using porn. It's not a totally clear cut issue. Some people using it are really really deceptive, and that can hurt more than what they're being deceptive about. Women can feel shut out, stupid, ugly, taken for a fool when they discover their man has been actively using porn regularly without their knowledge.
For many, the type of porn matters, i.e for some people they'd be calm about their significant other watching some material, but would rear back in alarm if what was being watched veered down a different, more worrying route. Other times, its the frequency that makes something okay or not okay, with an occasional past foray onto the internet on one end of the spectrum, and obsessive, frantic, addictive use on the other. Most people have their boundaries, wherever they may lie. And for some, their boundary is that they just don't like porn, full stop. If that's the case, I think it's important to be an honest as possible so you give the person you're with the chance to think about how they feel and what matters more; watching porn, or being in a relationship with you. And likewise, it's helpful (though unfortunately this doesn't always happen) if someone using porn can be honest about their use, to allow their partner the chance to decide how they feel about it. If you don't know something is going on, how can you decide how you feel about it, or even if it may be a dealbreaker for you?