Chin up and tits out for the recently ditched.. in here!

[lubeybooby]

Hi all

Noticed this thread title before but it seems to have moved on to "dumpling no more"

I'm not quite ready for that yet and noticed a few of us being in the same situation so thought I would start this thread for anyone findingly themselves single all of a sudden.

Pull up a chair, get yourself a or a and a cream cake (or push it away because you still can't eat) and lets begin healing the wounds here.

We will survive.

Nice one I just smoked and drank irn bru for first 2 mths so I'm not the best example.

lolster I so identify with your last paragraph. I too am struggling although if I had a pound for every time I have said "I'm fine" to someone I would be rich .

When H asks me I am tempted to say that no I am not OK and just feel like I am going round in a mist or something but don't want him to know so just say "I'm fine". So does he.

DC seem remarkably unroubled by it all which is good but I hate it being the new reality. How old are your DC - mine are 7 and 5.

H has them tonight and I am off down to London for some (well paid ) work next week. I do various things connected with exams - mark accountancy ones in a college (next week) and for an accountancy board (mid June to mid July) and invigilate school and university exams, as well as doing some mystery shopping, so this time of year is a busy one for me. Which is good as I will (a) earn money and (b) keep busy as otherwise I am achieving v little. Whilst of course making sure the house looks tidy when H arrives to pick up children so he can see how well I am coping (which slightly deserves a )

Thanks so much LB :) Good work with the decorating and excercise!!

I have the problem of not eating but have plenty of stores ! and seem to be making up my calorie intake with cola and redbull/sugary tea and i still struggle to look after myself in basic ways most of the time.

I know i am much further down the line from some of you but i am far from over the relationship (or should i say the emotional scars it's left me with). have faced legal battles with X since the end in criminal and family courts and still ongoing. this i think does keep me in limbo from moving on but i guess really it's no different to anyone who still has to see an X for the dc. In rl i feel guilty for off-loading on a bad day as i imagine my few friends are sick of hearing about it.

i think we grieve for the future & family we thought we would have and for the 'men' we thought we were with. break-ups were FAR easier to deal with before dc when we could basically go and get wasted to get over it

i hope the weekend has been 'ok' for all of you, only one more sleep til monday and some structure and routine xx

Well, that's it then

I said everything I needed to say and held my nerve, and I do feel better and like I now at least have a chance of moving on which is far better than I felt before.

Chin up, tits out, onward and upward.

Well done :)

my ex phoned yesterday. ignored him. i have no wish to be further hurt by him.

Nice one lawrie

Well done toptramp x

TT, Way to go,!
That is such a positive step.
Not being patronising just giving u a bona fide compliment x

Do any of you wish that you could just think about something else. Constantly thinking of XH and missing him and i know its stupid because he is living his life and certainly not thinking of me. Drives me crazy. First thing I think about and last thing at night, in fact its always on my mind. My DCs are 7 and 5 and they arent having easy time of it???? Maybe thats my fault too. Youngest cried for 2 hours last night because XH video called her so she could see him and broke her heart cus she misses him so much. He heard her crying and never text to see how she was. Tonight he rang again, she cried again and he decides to text saying how is she, I miss them so much, 5 days is too long without seeing them (he has them Friday to Sunday every other weekend and every Wednesday). I wanted to rant back you made your choice but instead ignored him, where do they get off, off loading their needs when he never listened to my needs. Sorry rant over ladies, apologies but Im so tired of feeling guilty for everything when he feels nothing but his own selfish needs. :))))

Big hugs banana ,so sorry ur having to deal with this.I had the "you don't know how difficult this is for me "speech recently from my X and I just thought ,you have NO idea at all.

Hey ladies!!!
What a weekend!! Hell on earth but hopefully the only way from here is up.
I'm the same with regards to no appetite, really struggling but the dc's are starting to notice my serious lack of eating so need to get to grips with it. Not healthy at all!!
Banana I feel the exact same, goodness I could have written your last post. Have to bite my tongue every time when I really want to shout 'you made your bed go lie in it MATE!!!!'
I'll be back later this silly iPhone is a nightmare.
take care all you lovely ladies x

can I join too please? Ill post my story seperately but been sep for 2 months. still v angry but getting tired now-dont want depression just when thought I was getting better (:
the betrayal is the worst & yet my kids dont seem bothered- confusing

Well after feeling a bit better for most of yesterday today has been awful. I keep sort of hitting the angry stage but I have no outlet for it, I've tried to put it into a rant here but there just are no words so I will simply say

AAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRGHHHHHHHHHHHH!!! IT'S SO FUCKING UNFAIR AND THAT WAS THE CRUELLEST THING ANYONE HAS EVER DONE TO ME! BASTARD! UTTER AND TOTAL CUNTY BASTARD! HOW COULD YOU? HOW COULD YOU??!!! WHY DO I NOW HAVE TO PICK UP THE PIECES OF MY LIFE AND SUFFER ALL THIS PAIN WHILE YOU SWAN ABOUT IN RELATIVE HAPPINESS BEING A SMUG CUNT! FUCKING FUCK OFF AND ROT IN HELL AS YOU DESERVE!

Oh yay, found a few words there!

Ok so looking back on previous 'recently ditched' threads something I think was a good idea was to list your good points and his bad points. NO balancing it out with his good points allowed.

So:

I am:

Kind, helpful, attractive, I have raised a wonderful daughter, and when not grieving because of an arse of a bloke I am fun to be with and have a good outlook on life. I am reasonably intelligent and am a great cook

SO THERE!

He:

Farts a lot, makes inappropriate/tactless jokes, is useless with money and has dennis healy eyebrows.

damn, this is good! :o

Another thing I have done to try and aid this process is sign up to internet dating again. I don't want to meet anyone at the moment but having some attention has been nice.

AND

I have got in contact with an old FWB, someone I have known a long time and trust, and I have arranged to meet him Sunday. I have to start moving on and get past this mental hurdle... which is the feeling that I don't want anyone else to ever touch or kiss me. This is something I have to do because I have a ridiculously high sex drive, and being celibate isn't going to do me any favours. I will end up texting the EX and begging for it so I have to avoid that. But I don't want it to be just anyone, I need someone who I know is kind and gentle and respectful, so I'm very relieved that this man is still single and can restart our FWB arrangement.

Bit garbled but hope that makes sense.

Talk me into some common sense please ladies. I really want to go and see my ex for ''closure''. I do not want to get back with him but I do want to leave on goodish terms.

He phoned me on Sunday but I ignored and deleted his number. I am curious as to what he had to say. aaaaggggrrrr! I miss the bastard.

I won't do it of course. I am just sooos curious as to why he phoned me. I can't really face it as whatever he says will hurt right now.

TT noooooooo!!!!! Don't do it. It will only make you feel down and hurt. You done good to ignore that call, you can't go back, not now. The only way is up baby!!!

part of me wants to smack him and part of me wants to hug him and shag him senseless. i want the man back at the start of the relationship. the lovely man who gave me flowers and who i didn't apprechiate.

however, i know he's abusive. i thought he was one person and then he was another. i feel duped.

Reading that back I am aware of how confused I am.

tt forget the call. It would just be more controlling/abuse crap. You have done so so well, don't go back now love xxx

Ladies, I hope you are all having a better day. It so helps listening to you all and knowing my feelings are "normal", well normal in the circumstances we find ourselves. I feel like a terrible mother today. Had hard few days with DCs missing their Dad and I felt like shouting "fook off and live with him then". Im so exhausted with dealing with their grief and now reading this back I feel totally inadequate as a Mom. Wot the hell is wrong with me, I feel like I cant take any more, Im so exhausted. Im tired of crying for what was, its time to be be excited about the future, but Im not sure I will ever get over this :(((

TT Please dont go for closure. You will never get closure from your X. He will always keep you dangling. You can only get closure from you. This is not anything you have done, it is what he has done.

So good at giving advice but why dont I listen to myself!!!! Be strong ladies, we will do this and realise its their loss xxxx

i am STILL blaming myself for his behaviour. I always blame myself st the end of a relationship; for texting too much, for making too much of a big deal of certain things that hurt me, for being annoyed that we NEVER had sex anymore. I guess if we weren't having sex it was going bad but...

"UTTER AND TOTAL CUNTY BASTARD!"

Loving your work LB !!!!!

tt you are most certainly not to blame. The right man for you won't fuss over such trivial things and will love you as you are, no matter how much you text or don't text etc.

I am feeling a lot better again today and more like 'me'. I really hope this continues.