I need strategies to stop my ex controlling me via the kids - long sorry.

[bustersmummy]

DD's are 9 and 12.

Today, for example... (I know this sounds petty but if you search you'll see there's a history)

There's an agricultural show 50 miles away from us. Today is the last day. He is at it.

So, he had discussed me taking the DD's to the show, I'd said I'll see, busy week, hasn't happened.

So, DS took the girls last night on a big brother bonding session and they stayed over at exH. (DS's idea as I'd not had a proper break with exH not keeping them an evening this week due to show and also I had to take girls last weekend)

This morning got text from exH to say that he had spoken to the girls and they wanted to go to the show so he had written them both notes to get out of school early, sent the free tickets with DD1 and I should collect them at 12 from school.

Now, first off, it's my weekend with them, how dare he? Second off, DD1 has 2 birthday parties we've not got presents for yet and a fancy dress outfit to sort. Thirdly, I didn't agree to taking them out of school. fourthly, how fucking dare he and free tickets or not it's going to cost me in fuel and food and parking.

AND I texted back and said "you should have discussed with me. Assume you have sorted presents and cards for parties then as I will not have time this evening if at show"

He texted back "No I have not sorted presents and cards. This is your weekend, your responsibility"

And of course, the DD's want to go, to see the animals and see their Dad so I will have to go.

So, gimme strategies to stop this please

(and sorry it's long)

Fantastic. What did the girls say, were they really that bothered?

He hasn't called or texted yet.

Girls weren't that upset - am just uploading photos of "superzebra" so you can have a look lol

Well done for making a stand. Sounds like you've had a fun evening with your girls.

My ex has a habit of not telling me he wants to swap around days till the last minute and it drives me mad.

OK if I've done it right you should be able to see superzebra on my profile?

your profile isnt public!!

Oh I thought it was hang on

I need strategies to stop my ex controlling me via the kids

firm "no" we will not be doing that
firm "no we can't do that
firm "no its not possible

never explain to him why, never give an explination or defend your answer - there is no need to defend your answer or make excuses - its your life

If he asks why - silence DO NOT engage and keep silent don't ever be tempted to engage let him rant if thats what pleases him and think about john cleese or someone you find funny.

He will get the message and you will get your life back with your girls

Really great Zebra outfit!

thats fab!!!

Painters coverall from B&Q £3 something

two rolls of black tape from poundland.

And a black blanket with a safety pin.

She's delighted

She is going to a swanky chinese tomorrow night and thence ten pin bowling dressed like that.

Oh well done buster!

That is definitely a very Super Zebra!! Well Done! (on all counts)

Fab Zebra!

Well done!

Sounds like your weekend is already being much more fun than a bleedin' agricultural show. If XH waited for them somewhere in vain, that'll teach him to answer his phone next time won't it?

Love the zebra. Wish I could do costumes.

I am crap at costumes. really really crap.

But I am quite chuffed with the superzebra

Bloody hell what a twat. No wonder he's an ex.

Fantastic zebra though!

The zebra was much more fun.

And the girls had a great time with stickers from poundland decorating two cheap photo frames as presents for their two friends.

Well done you, don;t you feel much better too?

He'll get the message eventually and you are sending a much better message to your DCs.

Again, well done!

Well done on this first step and good luck for all the following ones.

Just a little warning it is going to be very hard.

You are on a high because you have done what you want and said no to him.

Be prepared for him to up the emotional pressure via your daughters. It will be hard but you have to do this for yourself and your children. Also if he comes up with more like the 3 day notice for weddings hard as it is remember that line 'it is your weekend, your responsibility'.

The same with your DD and her activities. If he cannot take her she cannot go. Hard as that may seem you bending over backward for your children to do things because he can't/won't has to stop.

It is not you letting them down it is him. If he can't organise and sort things that is his problem. Do not let him treat you like a servant there to run about after him.

Eventually they will see who has been the selfish one all this time.

PS zebra is fantastic

Hi, I know this thread is years old, but I am going through similar now and wondered how it out panned out with your XH? Did he eventually get the message that you could not be controlled? I just want to know if you have any gems you could share. I've been divorced 5 years, moved on with my life, remarried, have another daughter and another on the way. My XH is trying to still manipulate and control me.