verbalising my needs

[kallima]

can anyone give me any tips on how tips on how to verbalise what I need and want from my relationship without feeling like I am being

a) controlling
b) demanding
c) needy

....and probably other things i can't think of right now.

I tend to get all caught up with feeling confused about how to state it effectively without feeling like I might be overreacting. so I keep quiet, or drop crap hints which don't work, making me feel worse, until I explode and it all comes out wrong and then I end up feeling like I'm ruining our relationship :(

any advice greatly appreciated, thanks

writing things down

having a 5 min each talk,you say anything you want and other person listens without interrupting for 5 mins then they have their turn, after that you can have further discussion

Say what it is you feel or want or need without directing the other person as part of a discussion. Your feelings are valid but they are only part of the picture, the other person has the right to respond int heir own way and if there is conflict then it needs to be talked through until compromise is reached or you agree to disagree.

May I add, be clear if possible on what you want, eg a particular thing you want your partner to do, or a particular thing you really don't like that they should stop, rather than a catalogue of woes with no solution. Have in mind some compromise or counter-offer, perhaps (eg if you want to go out on Thursdays, suggest another night your partner can have free, whether going out or resting at home; if you want a lie-in on Sunday, offer to get up early Saturday).

If the discussion looks like it's turning into a row, suggest you call time on it, and fix a date and time to talk about it again when you've both had a think.

Mind you if your partner is not interested in listening however well you approach the subject, we're into a different ball game entirely.