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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

What's he up to?

112 replies

mollymay · 29/09/2003 12:49

I've just discovered a test message on my dh's phone that say's "Hi Blue Eyes how RU? X"

I confronted dh and he said it was from a business woman customer (he's a plumber)..

I've hit the roof.. he's denied anything is going on. What do you think?

OP posts:
codswallop · 29/09/2003 14:20

oh sorry. Funny you ARE though (she says desperately trying to build bridges)

whatsaname · 29/09/2003 14:22

Some things people do when having an affair...

Delete sent and recieved texts straight away.

Use work email/phone - that partner does not have access too.

Phone bills are quickly thrown away. Or stop paying for itemised bills.

Delete received/dialled numbers from their mobile i.e if you know the phone stores the 10 last dialled numbers and there are only 8 currently shown in memory you have to wonder what happened to the other 2!! - THIS IS A GOOD ONE.

Go out at strange times or are out for longer than expected. OR. Ask you to just nip to the shop for something.

Start to turn their phone off when left lying around - this is not always the case though if the other person knows when they can and can't text.

Have a mobile you don't know about.

beetroot · 29/09/2003 14:22

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Twinkie · 29/09/2003 14:23

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Original poster
mollymay · 29/09/2003 14:23

I'm at work so won't be able to do it until tonight (if I can do it without him knowing). What I will probably do is get them and bring them into work tomorrow to have a look at...will keep you posted...meanwhile I'm playing it down as per Beety's advice (seeing as she seems to have the most experience in these matters)..if all fails I will "tell her to f**k off like Beety did!)

OP posts:
Original poster
mollymay · 29/09/2003 14:25

well I'm being to wonder if we do have a happy marriage...

OP posts:
beetroot · 29/09/2003 14:30

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Twinkie · 29/09/2003 14:31

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whatsaname · 29/09/2003 14:32

Does she know he's married?

have I missed that?

beetroot · 29/09/2003 14:32

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Twinkie · 29/09/2003 14:35

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Original poster
mollymay · 29/09/2003 14:41

thanks Twinkee I'll bear your offer in mind! Boy have I been tempted.!

OP posts:
doormat · 29/09/2003 14:47

mollymay dont get all bitchy,
be as cool as ice if you are going to speak to her
dont show no emotion otherwise she will think your marriage is in diffulculty
something along the lines of"oh my dh told me about you etc etc ....and I knew there was nothing to worry about as you are not his type coz he told me so"

Original poster
mollymay · 29/09/2003 14:49

doormat...you've done this type of thing before!

I am going to stay cool. Not quite sure how to be with dh though. I hit the roof last night and hardly spoke this morning. He has phoned but I have ignored the call.

OP posts:
whatsaname · 29/09/2003 14:51

I agree with Doormat on this one be cool, don't show her any sign of weekness.

Although I wouldn't recommend saying anything along the lines of 'husband said...'

IF there is something going on you don't know what's been said between them and it would be easy for her to realise you're lying.

Out of interest could you get hold of his phone for a few hours/day without him noticing?

doormat · 29/09/2003 14:55

whatsaname mollymay can USE the words that have come out of her ds' gobthat will not be lying
mollymay has he said she is this, that and the other???

Original poster
mollymay · 29/09/2003 14:55

whatsaname...no way..he uses it for business (practically sleeps with the bloody thing!)

Last night I demanded to be able to check all incoming/outcoming texts (nothing but the Blue Eyes one)..last calls, etc. nothing on there...

OP posts:
doormat · 29/09/2003 14:57

god eye,I have been through this type of thing, but your situation is probably innocent. I found my ex husband in a compromising position with a floozy on a couch in her house, I calmy knocked on the window.

Original poster
mollymay · 29/09/2003 14:57

not really he just said that she meant nothing by the terminology, she's just like that(?) whatevery THAT means...he says she doesn't mean anything by it but I know he's lying cause the next thing he says is that he was flattered by the texting....

OP posts:
doormat · 29/09/2003 14:57

sorry dh's gob sorry

whatsaname · 29/09/2003 14:58

It's all very well using husbands words but IF husband is doing something how much of it can be trusted?

Maybe it is nothing, maybe the woman just didn't think anything of it.

Does she know he's married?

Original poster
mollymay · 29/09/2003 14:58

oh my god doormat what did you do? are you still together?

OP posts:
Original poster
mollymay · 29/09/2003 14:59

whatsoname - OH YES she most definitely does know he's married. When I first had my dd she invited me in for a free facial and manicure so I've met her!

OP posts:
whatsaname · 29/09/2003 15:02

Oh I didn't realise you knew her, sorry must have missed that bit.

Maybe you should ask her if the offer of the manicure is still available...

doormat · 29/09/2003 15:02

you must be joking, no I asked her if I could speak to my husband and she went white and started shaking,
I thanked her for doing me a favour we became friends.