Just had a horrendous night of it- shell shocked.

[toptramp]

I have posted about my recent break up with my ex due to sex/drinking problems.
I admit I was foolish and sent him too many texts saying how much I loved him and wanted him back. stupid. stupid. stupid.
He then called me at 2 in the morning to tell me to stop contact.
I was a bit drunk and told him there was no need to be nasty. He wasn't being that nasty. He was just cold (quite rightfully so as I was not getting the message)
We ended up having a vicious slanging match. Again; stupid, stupid, stupid.
I just looked on facebook to block him and there is a message saying how wonderful my daughter is and how I don't deserve her as I am not worth a horses shit.
I think I hurt him but this has got nasty. From my side too. I definately don't want him back now but I am shell shocked, hurt, broken and feeling like the most horrendous mother, ex girlfriend and person in the whole world. :-(

To make matters worse I am needy as fuck.

You defended him because if you didn't, it'd show the world that you had made a mistake, and if you did that, you would have to end it.

Advice on the sex front. Make em wait a bit longer until you are more sure of them. Counselling seems to be a bloody brilliant idea!

That book is FAB! I'm still reading it and it's so true!

< squeezes hissy back >

You are giving yourself good advice here, Op

listen to yourself

how you doing ?

Oxytocyin bonding

I found this an interesting read TT.

Another book that was recommended on here was Women That Love Too Much,By Robin Norwood [i think ] I literally wept at parts of that book ,about how women get locked into the adrenaline cycle of abuse ,shouting ,violence and sex .I think confusing love for sex is a big part of it but if you have never felt love its easy to accept this kind of relationship in the beginning and fear being alone at the end .I was brought up on adrenaline fuelled conversations with my father's anger.
Healthy relationships are born out of mutual respect. 2 people that compliment each other with healthy self esteem .
Ive not been in a relationship since i split from my X 18mths ago . All the time I am growing emotionally but Im zero tolerant now ,Im worth more than that ,we all are .Once I stopped making excuses for his behaviour ,I lost all respect for him. He continues to try to control me emotionally with lies and unacceptable behaviour but as time goes by I am finally breaking free.
Some people may describe my life as boring now but I prefer to describe it as calm and a lot more positive.

I would like to thank Patienceobtainsallthings for linking to my article on the role of oxytocin bonding in abusive relationships. Perhaps more importantly, please allow me to mention a rather remarkable website that is focused on the subject of oxytocin: Hug the Monkey.

gosh

I remembered Grace linking the one I put up and it really struck a chord with me.

I miss Grace

There are lots of reasons why women stay with abusive men but for me the reason was because "I LOVED HIM" Thats why i never wanted to leave .
But it was a crazy ,fucked up ,co dependent love .Sometimes I feel stupid/ashamed that i stuck it for so long but I was just following patterns of dysfunction taught to me by others close to me throughout my life.
Like i said before once I stopped making excuses for him,stopped enabling him and stopped trying to fix/normalise everything ,basically there was nothing left and my X turned out to be an abusive selfish immature irresponsible arsehole with a drink problem.

I miss Grace too x

I wonder if she is still around, under a different name ?

Hows your friend AF that had the abusive bf.
Dont need to say if its tricky ,just hope she has more calmness in her life .

Waves to TT .Hope you and dd had a good day x

thanks for asking (you have a good memory...)

she has finally got rid of the abusive one, and got a new bf who seems ok

they are moving things very quickly though (she does this, drives me crazy and she won't listen)

hey-ho

Ah that sounds better though x

yes, better, definitely

You have been given good advice on this thread but because you do not like it you all people names. You asked for advice just because you do not like it does not make it wrong.

I actually like AnyFucker don't know them personally but their advice is always spot on and to the point.

If you cannot take critisism don't post something that makes it possible for you to receive it.

You are a very bitter woman.

all is CALL

fabby, I think OP calmed down a bit and listened towards the end of her input on this thread, tbh

fair play to her, she accepted that she thrives on drama, hopefully she will be taking things on board x

Sorry AF just see you were being slagged off and jumped in! I do that! jump in without reading!

Ooops.

very kind of you, fabs

I am a big girl now, though

I thought i hadnt seen Grace around for a while. Has she left ?

Not sure, diggs

I hope to see her around some time

I'd say its sounds like tit for tat getting low,

don't contact him again and block him