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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Just had a horrendous night of it- shell shocked.

100 replies

toptramp · 07/05/2011 05:34

I have posted about my recent break up with my ex due to sex/drinking problems.
I admit I was foolish and sent him too many texts saying how much I loved him and wanted him back. stupid. stupid. stupid.
He then called me at 2 in the morning to tell me to stop contact.
I was a bit drunk and told him there was no need to be nasty. He wasn't being that nasty. He was just cold (quite rightfully so as I was not getting the message)
We ended up having a vicious slanging match. Again; stupid, stupid, stupid.
I just looked on facebook to block him and there is a message saying how wonderful my daughter is and how I don't deserve her as I am not worth a horses shit.
I think I hurt him but this has got nasty. From my side too. I definately don't want him back now but I am shell shocked, hurt, broken and feeling like the most horrendous mother, ex girlfriend and person in the whole world. :-(

To make matters worse I am needy as fuck.

OP posts:
HerHissyness · 08/05/2011 10:23

For god sake, delete his numbers, sever all contact, concentrate your energy into living and the future and not picking over the bones of the past.

HerHissyness · 08/05/2011 10:24

Sounded a bit harsher than I meant it to. You can do this, stay strong! Smile

AnyFucker · 08/05/2011 22:12

you both sound as bad as each other

but you are posting, so I will tell you that you need to grow the fuck up

and cut down on the drinking, you are meant to be a responsible mother

Original poster
toptramp · 08/05/2011 22:56

Hello, I know we are both as bad as each other. I have apologised on my part. I have explained that I know I am a right old nag etc, etc, etc. I have said that we said mean things out of anger etc, etc, etc.

I don't want the relationship back BUT I hate leaving things on a bad note. What hurt the most was when I said ''can't we just be mates?'' and he said ''What you and me mates? Come on?'' as though I was nothing to him. This is considering he has lots of female friends he adores (and I love too).

After tonight i no longer hate him. i just want him to feel just because things have ended dosn't mean we have to hate/feel spite etc. we just press each others emotion buttons.

Anyfucker; when we were splitting up i texted him sayoing i felt it was my fault and i was sorry can't we be mates etc. to which i get abuse.

i'm out in the cold but i now feel better for it.

OP posts:
Original poster
toptramp · 08/05/2011 23:00

any fucker. i know you think you are right but plese get over yourself. i never said I wa sperfect and i know full well i am partly to blame. you are not in the least bit helpfull. it is my pet jhate on mn these harsh but fair posters who in other words are cyber bullies. i bet you have the perfect love life. good on you love. yawn.

OP posts:
Original poster
toptramp · 08/05/2011 23:00

i bet you never drink too. double yawn

OP posts:
SpringchickenGoldBrass · 08/05/2011 23:07

It sounds like you need to get over yourself. You are dumped. Deal with it. Trying to maintain contact with someone who has dumped you is never a good idea, it only hurts you and makes it harder to move on.

AnyFucker · 08/05/2011 23:10

^I'm past wanting to hurt him to be honest. I'm just going to ignore, ignore and ignore and rise above it.
Yesterday I was livid and did want to hurt him but I've decided to rise above 100% now.^

You don't have to take my advice, your own is spot-on

Original poster
toptramp · 08/05/2011 23:22

It is indeed. Look I am not a great advocate of getting drunk among kids. Anyfucker and solid gold. I know you consider yoursleves to be the mumsnet mafia. My advice to you is if you are not going to be suppotive, don't post at all. You may think you are being ''honest and straight'' but really you feel you can police this site. Why not go and attend to your (i'm assuming) perfect love lives instead of posting on here? Just a thought?
oh hang on a minute.. if you had the perfect lives you wouldn't be posting on here would you?
Just a thought ladies . Stop ganging up. Boring, boring , boring. a bit like me but at least I can admit it. Over and out.

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 08/05/2011 23:27

I don't consider myself to be anything at all and have been drinking this evening

Your defensiveness does you no favours, TT

Northernlurker · 08/05/2011 23:32

Not sure I can see why the op is posting tbh? Crappy end to a crappy relationship - best to ignore and move on. Re the drinking - being drunk should not be a regular event. By all means have a glass or two but if your find that booze is regularly playing a part in relationship dramas then you are most certainly drinking too much.

bibbitybobbityhat · 08/05/2011 23:36

Extraordinary!

I bet you one million pounds you don't leave things there op.

I expect you'll find someone else to blame if you carry on acting unwisely, though, eh?

BecauseImWorthIt · 08/05/2011 23:40

Oh dear. I think, from these posts, it's your drinking that is the problem

Anyfucker and SolidGold are brilliant posters who give fabulous and consistent as well as wise advice.

How you could see fit to harangue them in this way, or call them bullies, does you no favours.

Why not wait until you've sobered up and then post asking for advice?

AnyFucker · 08/05/2011 23:41

fwiw, I would love to be in sgb's gang, but she wouldn't have me Smile

SpringchickenGoldBrass · 08/05/2011 23:50

AF: I don't have a gang. I've eaten them.

AnyFucker · 08/05/2011 23:51
Smile
dittany · 09/05/2011 00:27

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Patienceobtainsallthings · 09/05/2011 00:35

Thats good advice from Dittany,TT.

HerHissyness · 09/05/2011 01:08
aurynne · 09/05/2011 03:53

Before I read AnyFucker's post, it was me who was going to say that you are both as bad as each other. They way you write and the things you write don't show you as an innocent Snow White, darling.

And after your reaction to AF's posts, I am not even going to bother with any advice. I don't know if you're going to ditch him or not, but I don't doubt you enjoy the drama of the constant "I love you", "I hate you", "Come back to me", "get away you bitch/bastard". I am just sorry for your poor daughter.

Original poster
toptramp · 09/05/2011 07:58

I am not contacting him again actually. I have no desire OR means.

It is normal to grieve the end of a relationship, however bad it was before moving on - no? I want to move on but sounding off on here is one way which is helping me do this ok?

Suggestions such as ''get over it'' are not only unhelpful, but also patronising as that is exactly what I intend tpo do. My way of getting over it is getting together with supportive friends, analysing what went wrong and having a good bitch, mope, cry etc.

I'm afraid that posters such as Anyfucker and solidgold are not supoportive friend material. Blunt and truthful , yes. sensitive no. At this moment I am sensitve and need support.

OP posts:
Original poster
toptramp · 09/05/2011 08:02

Or mabe that should just be blunt rather than truthful. There are many times when I should have finished it but didn't and there are many times when I threw him out and took him back. Telling me that I should have done this or that is not support and v judgy. And of course i'm going to be defensive anyfucker if i feel under attack.

OP posts:
Original poster
toptramp · 09/05/2011 08:02

anyway thius thread is over as far as I'm concerned. Back to rl.

OP posts:
Northernlurker · 09/05/2011 08:02

If you are so 'sensitive' then you need to stop drinking because being drunk will not help you process emotional occasions in anybetter way - it will just make things worse.

Original poster
toptramp · 09/05/2011 08:03

I know I'm not innocent. I know ive been a bitch but quite frankly mumsnet has revealed itself to be a hotbed of bullying. Thanks.

OP posts:
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