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Original poster

do you believe in soulmates and are you with yours?

80 replies

edwardsbella · 05/05/2011 13:01

do you think that there is only one man that your are meant to be with?
have you met him? are you married to him? were you with him and why arent you still together ?

OP posts:
OberonTheHopeful · 05/05/2011 17:28

I still like to think that just the right person is out there for me somewhere :)

KittyChat · 05/05/2011 17:31

Malificience - so would you never have another relatinship? And if you did, would it be fair to your new partner who would forever know he wasn't getting the 'whole' of you, if you know what I mean? What if he thought you were his soulmate?

IngridBergman · 05/05/2011 17:36

No...and no! i've had some intense relationships with people I felt very close to, but they are still other people, it's just good luck that we met and had some wonderful experiences together.

I've had one relationship that has been renewed and was lovely again the second time, but it's over now as we just were not suitable for each other.

Now I'm with someone I like very much but I don't think he is my soul mate, just my very good friend whom I happen to love to bits. that's all.

People who have shared a lifetime together have my envy and my respect. It must be wonderful - I don't think I have ever been ready for that. Too much changing and sorting out still to do, in myself.

TheSecondComing · 05/05/2011 17:36

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

IngridBergman · 05/05/2011 17:37

TSC...I'm with the one I wasn't meant to be with! Smile

Gay40 · 05/05/2011 17:43

I don't really believe in soulmates, but if you fit perfectly with the one you are with, then it's all good. People change, whether we like it or not - hopefully you change in a way that keeps the relationship lovely, but just over half the time it doesn't.

Ginabraz · 05/05/2011 18:00

No - people change and sometimes not together. It's a dream to me to think that a relationship can be effortless. Personally, I've always found the start of relationships the most exciting, but that's understandable I guess. I also think that there is more than 'one' for each of us and the more I think about being with one person forever the more I think it as strange.

mrscantona · 05/05/2011 18:10

I dont really believe in the soulmate thing either. I love my DH very much and we do a connection. We laugh, talk, fight and compromise. However I think we could both have made a life with someone else if we hadnt found each other.
However I do know a few couples who do seem so amazingly matched that I absolutely cannot imagine them being apart. In fact one couple who chose not to have kids as they did not want to share each other.

TheOriginalFAB · 05/05/2011 18:20

Having just posted on the One that Got Away thread I often think how life would be different if I was with the OTGA and not MrFab and I just think of all the things DH has done for me and how he is stood by me and nothing would make me chose the OTGA.

Malificence · 05/05/2011 19:00

No, I'm 100% certain that I wouldn't have another permanent relationship, ie. live with someone etc. I doubt whether I would even have flings tbh.
I don't expect DH to remain celibate if I died, (although I would rather hope that he would) but he is not allowed to
a. marry anyone else,

b. bring another woman into my house.

I don't know how people form new relationships after a very long and happy marriage in all honesty.
My FIL was widowed 15 years ago and has never had a relationship since, a couple of women friends have tried to tempt him, as he puts it, but he says he can't imagine another woman in his bed after MIL.

zikes · 05/05/2011 19:13

I think that's a bit weird tbh. I'd expect and want dh to find someone else if I croaked.

AnyFucker · 05/05/2011 19:29

NO

I believe there are many people we could happily spend our life with (if you are into that sorta thing...not everyone is)

I believe that of all the billions of people in the world, the actual odds of you even meeting your "one and only soulmate" in all your life are vanishingly tiny

I love DH, but if he were to fuck off, I would find someone else to be happy with (eventually)

AnyFucker · 05/05/2011 19:30

I think pinning your whole life and well-being on that one and only person is a recipe for disaster, tbh

AnyFucker · 05/05/2011 19:32

mal, I think your FIL "denying" himself and manfully resisting "temptation" is very silly

he is preventing himself getting some happiness in old age, IMO

AnyFucker · 05/05/2011 19:33

I don't put my DH on a pedestal, nor him, me

TheOriginalFAB · 05/05/2011 20:02

Nice to see you back, AF.

AnyFucker · 05/05/2011 20:08

thanks, fab

Bearslikehoneyintheirtummy · 05/05/2011 20:12

I think you can find people who 'fit into' your life and you theirs and I think you can be best of friends. If I have a soulmate I sure havent married him!

merrywidow · 05/05/2011 20:56

Yes, I met him when I was 19 and we got together, finally, when I was 44.

There have been three absolutely wonderful men in my life; my father, my son and DP.

DH was not my soulmate and I knew that from the start [huge red flags flapping in my face which I ignored emoticon]

natwebb79 · 05/05/2011 21:02

I didn't until I met my now OH. I walked into a club, bumped into a friend and jokingly said "Come on, you must know some nice single blokes I'd like!". Within seconds I'd been dragged towards OH and we were chatting away like we had been best pals all our lives. 4 years later and it hasn't waned. (Oh - and we weren't pissed in the club - not at that stage any way, haha!).

KittySpencer · 05/05/2011 21:11

The idea that there's just one 'right' person for everyone, and you won't be happy/complete until you find them (and that if you disagree, well that's just because you haven't met yours) is total and utter bullshit.

I know of many relationships which have broken down because one party was chasing after their 'soulmate'. The number who are still together with said 'soulmate' - significantly less.

AnyFucker · 05/05/2011 21:12

IME, the ones who wax lyrical about you being their "soul mate" are the ones to dump you from a massive height when their next (true this time ) soulmate turns up....

KittySpencer · 05/05/2011 21:29

AF - so true.

A man told me I was his soulmate, and wanted to leave his wife for me. He had thought she was his soulmate when they met, because they were very alike. Of course, then he met me, and knew that he was wrong and it was actually me he was 'destined' to be with, because we were complete opposites Hmm

WhenwillIfeelnormal · 05/05/2011 21:30

No. It is highly improbable that of all the thousands of people we meet in a lifetime, we happened to meet our soulmate in a particular bar, workplace, website or other venue. It's a nice romantic notion, but it doesn't stand up to scrutiny and also has its dark side, in that it stops people seeing others in an objective light, hence all the "one that got away" stuff and endless grieving for lost loves. There are lots of people out there with whom to share happiness and great sex.

That said, having been married for nearly 27 years and being happier than ever in that marriage, I think that couples who fit well together "learn" how to be eachother's soul mate and hence cannot imagine being apart. When we met, we were both pretty certain that this was going to be an extraordinary relationship, because it was an absolute meeting of minds, coupled with explosive physical chemistry. However, it wasn't frightening at all and felt like coming home.

This is also something H and I disagree on. He's very much in the "soulmate" camp about me, but I'm a bit more of a pragmatist. Smile

ohmyfucksy · 05/05/2011 21:34

No. There are probably lots of people I could be equally happy with tbh (shh)

This explains my feelings on the subject perfectly -