ex mil and court

[cdcd]

Hi my ex mil is currently dragging my through court for access to my 10 month old baby. Her son my ex is a violent drunk they havn't seen baby since she was 10 weeks old as ex smashed up my house stole my car and was sent to prison. when he was released he continued to harass me he was given a harassment order which he breached, smashed up my (new) car, tried to kick i my front door at 3 in the morning was a arrested and bailed breached his bail waited at my eldest childs school an threatened me. He was again arrested and given a community order, alcohol treatment and a restraining order not to contact me etc. He has threatened to kill me and my family on numerous occasions and threatened to take the baby. His mum (who he lives with) wants access just received a letter for the next hearing stating because of my Implacable hostility it is to be held at the county court. WTF!!! how is it that because I wont let my baby girl near my dick of an ex who's threatened "If I ever get to see her you'll never see her again" I'm being Implacably hostile.

Go see a solicitor. I would very much doubt that she can have access, apart from perhaps in a situation where it is in a controlled environment under supervision.

If I were you I would consider moving away. I know you shouldnt have to, but his family sound like they are taking his side and will be continually giving you grief of some sort.

Hi
I've seen a solicitor and her advice was to keep refusing access. Unfortunatly I can't afford a solicitor to represent me so have to represent myself but ex MIL who has never worked a day in her life is entitled to legal aid (doubt she'd be doing this if she had to pay). Seriously considering moving away but with schools work etc its hard

When you go present the evidence factually and try not to get emotionally involved, I feel that your ex has put her up to this so he gets access.

Advise the court you will allow supervised access at a contact centre only for your ex MIL. But as the father resides with her and there is a restraining order/injunction against him not to come near you you feel it is not in your childs best interest to be allowed in your MIL's home.

You must gather all of the evidence you have ... Police reports, photographs etc etc, copy of restraining order etc.

Cafcass have done a telephone interview I told them everything about my ex and they wrote it in their report for the court saying that having seen his police records they back up everything I say and if he was to go for access they would have to look further into it (which he is now doing got a letter of his solicitor on Thursday after 6 months of him being released from prison) but as his mother has no criminal record and she is not seen by cafcass as a danger to my baby she will have to reassure he will not be in if she gets contact. Its F%^$N stupid how do I trust her if she says he is not going to be there and after him breaching harassment orders bail etc how can he be trusted to stay away

You say you want supervised visits in a contact centre as her son resides at her residence and it is not a safe environment for your child.

I know thats prob what I'll have to say tbh dont want them having any contact when he was in prison she wanted to see the baby everyday I said no and she told me if I didn't want any trouble when he was released t start playing my cards right and doing as I'm told

Surely she has absolutely no rights whatsoever?

I wouldn't offer her any contact, your child will be in danger if exposed to this family. Your ex has a string of convictions & has made threats to you at your child's school. He's threatened to take your child.

When you're in court make sure you have all the reports, and e plain calmly & exactly what has happened & that you fear for your & your child's life & CAFCASS agree with you.

No judge is going to go against a CAFCASS report.

She will need permission from the court to apply for contact - I assume this is what the hearing is about?

If I were the Judge I would want to know:
If she accepts what her son has done/is capable of doing
What are her proposals for keeping your child safe
What are her motives for seeking direct contact.

I would have thought it unlikely she would be getting direct contact anytime soon with such a young child in the circs you describe.

Can you move? Because in your situation I would move and change my name so they couldnt find me. I would make it as hard as possible for any contact to be carried out.

Please don't move. The court will find you. If you claim Child Benefit, it is very easy to find you. Then you will be labelled as implacably hostile and it could have very nasty consequences.

This needs to be dealt with above ground. He cannot hide his background and activities. His mother will have to prove what she wants is in the child's best interests. I don't think, from what you have said, she will find this easy.

Surely she has no real right of access anyway, as she isn't the parent?! - she may have no criminal record but that's not the point!

Your solicitor seems to be saying that she wouldn't get very far anyway by telling you to just continue refusing access - can you get more advice on this? As in, you may be shooting yourself in the foot going down the supervised contact only route when it could come to court only for the judge to agree that she has no right at all.

If it were me I would indeed continue to refuse access completely. She is not the parent. You also consider her a danger to your child by virtue of the fact that she is sympathetic to your ex despite his behaviour towards you and his threats against the child. She has witnessed his appalling behaviour yet has him now living with her. So supervised contact may not be appropriate as there would be presumably no possibility of it moving to unsupervised - it would not be the start of a normal grandparent relationship.

You could say that you consider her action in bringing this to court an aggressive move which is merely designed to intimidate and upset you and say that it is orchestrated by her son.

Make sure all those threats, especially those to kill and to abduct your daughter, are presented to the court, and say that in your opinion she is as much a danger to your child as he is - she is NOT neutral, she has him living with her and is sympathetic to his hideous behaviour.

But most of all take advice - can you get some free time with another solicitor? - on whether this attempt is actually just likely to be thrown straight out. Also, if you end up representing yourself, maybe Women's Aid, for help on how to present your argument?

Failing all that, I would be looking into moving away!

Im not saying move before the hearing, but if she gets no access then move.

She has the right to apply for permission to apply for contact/residence orders.

Moving away to avoid the court process is bloody stupid advice. It will gain you nothing and you may lose an awful lot. If they are half as nasty as you say, they will track you down and you will have lost the court's sympathy.

FabbyChic, that is not how I interpreted your advice. you appeared to be saying move now. Sorry if I was wrong, but that is how it read.

But of course, if she is kicked into touch at the hearing then moving away is a good option, to give you a chance to start afresh and cut down on chances they can harrass you. But you will have to think of practicalities such as an address that the father can send birthday/christmas cards to. The court will only cut off contact completely in very rare circs, such as if he is in prison for murdering you.

If she has also threatened you, make sure you talk to Cafcass about this too. Keep saying it - she is acting for him, she too has made threats against you, that you do not think that any form of contact is appropriate right now, that your concerns include the fear of your daughter being emotionally abused by her even if contact were supervised. That given your ex's behaviour and the fact that any contact with him may not be in your daughter's best interests for a very long time, and given her current support of your ex despite his actions, she should not be involved AT ALL in the situation.

Get as much help as you can to get all the points you need to put across organised in a straightforward way. If you haven't told Cafcass about her threats, do so and get them in the report. This is about her, so you need to dredge up everything she's been involved in and make sure it's recorded. Then as fuzzywuzzy says, have those reports with you and make sure the judge knows that they're on your side.

No I was not saying to move before the court hearing either - rather that long-term if possible I would be considering making my home as far away from this family as possible! Certainly if any sort of access was awarded I would be looking at how I could (legally) make it as difficult as possible for them to continue to be in contact.

Sounds awful, but this clearly isn't a normal family and the DD will surely do better away from the lot of them. Good luck OP.

Aren't there a couple of posters who have managed to get no contact, in similar abusive circumstances? I can't remember names but if anyone does, they might have good advice on how to proceed.

I've been told by a solicitor that I cannot move while a court case is in progress but told by my domestic violence support worker that at a MARAC meeting held by themselves, his probation officer and the police that I should look into moving ??? all very confusing. She has applied to apply for contact which was granted as I said by all means she could apply but obviously I will be contesting it. I have offered her indirect contact cards letters etc but she turned this down baby received no xmas card from any of the family. She is saying he doesn't now reside with her but my restraining order from the court dated mid February gives his address as her house and when he was last arrested and bailed she rang me saying he wasn't being bailed to her address 5 minutes later the police rang telling me he had been bailed to her address. I'm so frightened she gets given contact and also worried by the fact the last judge we saw said I was being implacably hostile

You are allowed to move as long as the court has your address and you continue to turn up to court hearings. It often makes more sense to move to an address unknown to the other parties than to apply for non molestation or occupation orders.

Why did you agree that she could apply for contact if you were going to contest it? It would have made much more sense to fight it at the permission stage. The door is now opened.

I would be worried too if the last judge said you were implacably hostile. Was this said in ignorance of his history? or is there something you are not telling us?

I would love to just run away but I know that isn't the answer I have to stay and deal with this shit and fight to keep my daughter safe

At first I had a solicitor acting for me and she advised me to allow her to apply for contact but made it clear to the court we would be contesting it. The judge had a copy of the Cafcass report stating what my ex has done and that it was backed up by the section 7 police report. they then asked me if we were agreeable to contact I said no I didn't want her having contact as my ex had threatened on numerous occasions t kill me and take the baby and I said I wasn't prepared to put my child into a situation were my ex could easily take her and the judge then said due to your implacable hostility the next hearing will be at the county court.

What court did you start off in? If you were before a Judge you were already in a County Court. Or was it a District Judge saying you needed to be before a Circuit Judge?

Was it a magistrate who said this? I would be less worried if it was a magistrate. If it was a DJ, I would be worried; they are generally very experienced and very sensible and certainly take violence very seriously. The research about the impact on children of seeing and hearing violence is horrifying.

If you started off in the mags, cases get transferred up because they are complicated, which this certainly is. That is what may have been meant by that comment; not that you are to blame but that this kind of case needs a District Judge or Circuit Judge as there are a lot of issues and more than two parties.

It started in a magistrates court and has now been transfered the county court

That makes me feel better. Magistrates can say stupid things. I doubt, given this history, that you were really being labelled implacably hostile at this stage.