ex mil and court

[cdcd]

Hi my ex mil is currently dragging my through court for access to my 10 month old baby. Her son my ex is a violent drunk they havn't seen baby since she was 10 weeks old as ex smashed up my house stole my car and was sent to prison. when he was released he continued to harass me he was given a harassment order which he breached, smashed up my (new) car, tried to kick i my front door at 3 in the morning was a arrested and bailed breached his bail waited at my eldest childs school an threatened me. He was again arrested and given a community order, alcohol treatment and a restraining order not to contact me etc. He has threatened to kill me and my family on numerous occasions and threatened to take the baby. His mum (who he lives with) wants access just received a letter for the next hearing stating because of my Implacable hostility it is to be held at the county court. WTF!!! how is it that because I wont let my baby girl near my dick of an ex who's threatened "If I ever get to see her you'll never see her again" I'm being Implacably hostile.

"seemed to think" and "told you" are two entirely different things, Tyr.
Fuzzywuzzy didn't say that the judge "told her" that it was fine for her to be hit; her implication is that whatever the judge did say seemed to give the impression that the judge either didn't accept her version of events or that the judge seemed to think that the level of violence she was experiencing was acceptable.

If you have been referred to the MARAC process you would be supported through the court process and the magistrate would be well aware that you require support to keep your child safe.

MARAC is a process which is available in limited areas of the uk, it was set up specifically to provide co ordination between services as appropriate where a family require protection from domestic abuse, it brings together social services, legal assistance, police, housing, counselling services, gps etc to give a coordinated care plan for a family at considerable risk.

Therefore I'm really confused that you seem to think you need to find the money to pay for a solicitor. Legal assistance would be funded as part of the process.

Further, the situation you describe with the grandparent posing a risk ( lying about her son living with her for example) would be dealt with by the MARAC process, it's unlikely in my opinion that the grandparent would be allowed any access other than indirect so soon after the sons release.

So are you still receiving support through this process or not?

OP "cdcd" who later became "hdhd" also posted thread tiltled "Hubby!!!" unless I'm missing something both stories cannot be true [confusded]

Oh yes! Cocked up a name change and has outer him/herself........

Did have suspicions as the MARAC process would have dealt with this.

I've read hundreds of these stories and I could almost write the script. Actually, one of the limitations of a forum like this is that you get only one side of the story.

Perhaps you would be better off taking your offensive and one-sided presuptions elsewhere then, Tyr.

Of course there are two sides to very story, that doesn't mean that the women on here who have bad experiences are all liars. People change, even men that start off kind, loving & trustworthy can become abusive as a result of time, circumstance, even mental health problems.

The OP is asking for advice - if you are unwilling or unable to give it fair enough, but don't turn the thread into some kind of a witch hunt for your own edification.

OP have you tried calling Rights of Women - phone line manned by female solicitors specialising in giving free legal advice to DV victims - 0207 251 6577. Open odd hours but will tell you when on a/phone message.

"Perhaps you would be better off taking your offensive and one-sided presuptions elsewhere then, Tyr.

Of course there are two sides to very story, that doesn't mean that the women on here who have bad experiences are all liars. People change, even men that start off kind, loving & trustworthy can become abusive as a result of time, circumstance, even mental health problems."

Either you haven't read what I said or you are being deliberately offensive.
I haven't made any presumptions -unlike you and others. I asked questions which is what intelligent people do to ascertain facts.
I have never said that all women here are liars or anything of the sort.
Rather than being abusive to me, why don't you read what was actually said, rather than spouting ill-informed nonsense.
You don't know what you're talking about.

Thank you thumbwitch, the judges closing statement was actually horrific for me, as it was filled with implications that I was violent & that ex had rights to discipline us physically to a certain extent.

It's all laughable now, as actually I'm half exs body weight and have never ever been in a fight I my life! & ex spent the two days squaring up to the judge & accusing everyone of lying ie the police, the teachers, the DV intervention programme assessors (whom I had never met nor spoken with, he had!) etc etc...

My barrister told me he knew the judge well and she held 'old fashioned views' regarding marriage, I considered her views barbaric frankly.

Thankfully I had a relatively sane judge regarding contact & he categorically refused to allow unsupervised contact when the DV specialists refused to recommend it in their reports.

OP regardless of the digressing views (or rather one view) pls call women's aid, ask for their help, and look around for solicitors you might get legal aid & have to make a small contribution if you have an income.

Be brave, & tell the truth, be calm and have all the paperwork to hand in a file properly indexed so you can pull out documents if requested.

Well I'm confused!

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/1204463-Hubby

What is the point in this type of trolling? I dont get it

Op appears to be trolling. Have reported.

Serious cock up with the namechanges there, hdhd is posting about her 18 year marriage on another thread.

in the other thread she suspects her husband (Whos phone she has been through) of having an affair.

Blummin trolls.

you do know that people really are going through this kind of shit in real life and really are seeking support and advice?

you idiot.

Bloody trolls

Some of those who attacked me for asking questions might want to reflect on how they were ready to jump to conclusions, whilst ignoring the holes in the story.
That is disturbing and does nothing to further the cause of genuine victims.

Tyr, are you actually the OP too?

Am really quite relieved to see that this one was a troll - thank goodness that someone who is really in that kind of situation and desperate for help didn't post only to be confronted with Tyr's offensive attitude.

DuelingFanjo Sun 01-May-11 17:06:05

Tyr, are you actually the OP too?

DuelingFanjo (love the name) That is actually a smart question but no, I'm not the OP.

As for the rest of you, consider how quickly you distorted what was said, jumped to conclusions, applied your own prejudiced assumptions and sought to validate what was (apparently) a spurious story.
Then you describe my attitude as "offensive." Simply by asking questions that challenged your own bigotted and sexist views, some of you subjected me to the kind of verbal abuse you would try and encourage others to use against a parent in court proceedings.
I suppose bigots don't do irony but at least try to step back and listen to yourselves.

It's not that Tyr. It's the fact that you jumped in, hectoring, pulling apart the 'story', casting doubt, practically sneering at the OP.

You don't have to have blind faith in someone's story just to afford them the common decency of not jumping on them looking for clues that they might be lying - especially when they are posting about something so upsetting and sensitive.

You could easily have listed your points in a neutral way, got your point across and perhaps gone on to say that you hoped the OP got things sorted. Instead you turned it into a bunfight.

You say you've stood in court alongside people who've gone through this kind of trauma, as well as people falsely accused of it. I find that really hard to credit - that you have seen first hand, not through a computer screen, the distress of this type of hideous family breakdown, and yet your first move is to wade in with hobnailed boots and make crass, provocative statements about the possible lies the OP might be telling.

Doesn't matter a HOOT that this was a troll - all the above stands. As it will for someone really in this situation who maybe googles for help, finds this thread, and is knocked back again from asking for help in RL for fear of scorn and hostility.

Shoutyhamster,

Read what you have just written and then try and understand that it applies to yourself, not me. like most of the others who jumped in with their victimhood theories, you just weren't shrewd enough to smell a rat.
Now go fetch a handkerchief and wipe the egg off your face

Oh Gawd... why am I bothering...

My whole post above is not about who was 'right', it was about coming onto a thread of a sensitive nature and acting like a boor. And me saying that that's a shit way to act.

I'm sure all of the people who take time to give advice to people in difficult situations would rather be supportive to a hundred trolls than give a slap in the face to one poster in true distress.

You seem to be in the other camp, and that is the root of people's objections to your comments on this thread.

Also, your last sentence makes you sound like a tit.

Shoutyhamster,

I disagree. There is a difference between support and advice; the facts being a prerequisite for the latter. Also, it is not in anyone's interests to always try to validate accusations.
What you and all the others who jumped in feet first ( I didn't- go back and read) forgot was that this should not be about the OP (troll or not) and her ex. It is about a child having a right to know its father and paternal family, in the absence of compelling evidence to indicate the contrary. Note the word "evidence."

Well I think that as this is the internet, you have to take things at face value or just not bother at all. So what's the point in trying to guess at an alternative explanation than the one presented by an OP.

Anyway, I reported this thread at about half 6 this morning; I'm not sure why it's still up, but it's quite sad to post about this sort of subject just to get attention.

(Gavel)

Taking things at face value is probably not the most intelligent way to go about anything, internet or not. Surely that is now apparent?
As for reporting threads, don't you have a life- at 6.30am on a Sunday morning?
That is sad........

Tyr,

I have to agree with whoever it was who said your postings make you sound like a tit.

If you are really that offended by someone posting here at certain times of the day then maybe Mumsnet isn't really the place for you? It surely can't be doing you any good to get wound up so by the timings of the actions of other people.

Why not go and find somewhere else to play which doesn't irritate you so much?

Haha, fuck off love, there's a dear

You put much more effort into this thread than anyone else. Not particularly intelligent either eh?

Tyr,

You might want to bear in mind that it was others who discovered this poster was a troll, using methods that had nothing to do with disparaging victims of domestic violence, while you were too busy sneering to figure it out.