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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

....to think my dh is being a knob?

90 replies

goatshavestrangeeyes · 28/04/2011 10:15

Cut a long story short he is very very jealous of my ex. This is for many reasons and some of it my fault Sad

I have a dd with the ex who she sees once maybe twice a week as we have recently moved 5 mins up the road from him (dh's idea, i was a bit unsure about it at the time but i thought it was working out just fine)

Now my dh has decided this is enough and that i shouldn't be letting him see her that often, or if i have a problem with childcare then i shouldn't be asking the ex to have dd etc. He says he can't understand why i would want the ex and dd to have a close realtionship as when i first met him the ex wasn't on the scene and thats how he thought it was going it to stay?

No i do see his point but is hbu? or is it just him being silly over a bit of jealousy?

OP posts:
Happymm · 28/04/2011 21:49

OMFG! Hope you're OK Goats. Hope you've kept him out :(

QuelleLeJeff · 28/04/2011 21:53

Worried here.

RumourOfAHurricane · 28/04/2011 22:08

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Change99 · 28/04/2011 22:47

Talk about over reacting. Just what are you people like !!!!

TheSecondComing · 28/04/2011 22:58

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

pooka · 28/04/2011 23:06

change99 Hmm

CatPower · 28/04/2011 23:26

Goats hope you're okay. Your thread scared me so much, your H sounds like a frightening, controlling, pitiful excuse for a man.

Any decent husband would want your DD to have a good relationship with her dad, especially since you and H have a kid together too - he knows the value of a relationship between a father and child. Or at least he should know, he's too busy reading your emails and checking your phone.

Hope you're okay. Get him out of your house as soon as you can. X

Anniegetyourgun · 29/04/2011 08:29

When I started reading this thread I was going to say "Well now you know why he never had a previous relationship for very long". But then it escalated...

You do realise that if you never spoke to DD's father again H would find something or someone else to kick off about? There would never be an end to it, because it is not really about insecurity, it's about control. He can't stand you and DD being separate people instead of little satellites to him. He'd keep you in a box if he could. By bringing things to a head like this he has done you a massive favour, although I'm sure it won't feel like that now or perhaps for quite a long time.

Oh btw he doesn't get to dictate who keeps what out of your marital assets. It doesn't matter what is in whose name or who paid for it, if you're married everything belongs to both of you.

Lizzabadger · 29/04/2011 08:35

Big red flags, OP.

Anniegetyourgun · 29/04/2011 08:42

My guess is that change99 read the OP, then flipped to the end to see whether people had started shouting "Leave him!" yet, having missed the bits in the middle about the hitting and such.

Lizzabadger · 29/04/2011 09:02

Oh God - posted when had only read first page. Please contact police and WA.

heliumballoons · 29/04/2011 22:03

goats How are you today?

Lucyinthepie · 30/04/2011 11:43

I keep wondering how goats is getting on.

WhereYouLeftIt · 01/05/2011 17:14

Bump - also wondering how OP is.

Original poster
goatshavestrangeeyes · 03/05/2011 16:40

well.....i'm fine. Dh has read all of this while i was at work, forgot to delete the history as he walked in the door literally as i was typing on this thread. Quickly closed it before he could see. He was not happy but said he did not realise this is how i've been feeling and that if i don't want to be with him then i should just tell him and he will leave no questions asked.

We have had several heart to hearts over the past couple of days which has been great, finally we are starting to understand and care about eachothers feelings.

I think he realises that he is controlling and thas its not healthy, he was mortified at so eof the things i had written down esp when i pointed out that all of it was true. Says he doesn't want to treat me like that but is just scared of leaving me. Says it all stems from him believing he is not good enough for me and that i don't love him anymore but that i'm his world and it would devastate him to lose me.

The truth is i'm just finding my feelings difficult to cope with atm, i realise he hasn't been nice to me so it is making me pull away from him and not want to be very nice to him either (really hope this all makes sense lol!)

As for dd, she really is an amazing little girl and has coped with eveything fantastically. I know some of the things that have happened have been awful and i have spelled out to dh that if it happens again then thats it me and the kids are gone. My kids are my world and i would do anything to protect them so this isn't just an idle threat i will carry it through if he upsets her again.

Anyway i still haven't really got my head around everything and i'm not naive enough to think that this will all end here. Atm i'm just going to see how it is, if he makes any effort to change the way he is. Apart from that i'm not sure what else i can do. I defiantely think our realtionship isn't very healthy atm and is abusive, but i am as much to blame for that as he is.

Thankyou all for your kind words, i shall keep you updated!!

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