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Original poster

I want rid of them but it will really mess him up. WWYD?

70 replies

SplatteredEasterBunny · 23/04/2011 09:07

Been together for around four years. He moved in with me around 2 years ago. I am the breadwinner, he earns minimum wage. Everything he own was paid for by me, the furniture, the car etc. Things were great between us at first, we had loads in common, went out a fair bit, had similar interests and he was great with DD. After a year or so I found out he'd been lying about things. Silly debts (like buying an ipad on a credit card when he had no money to pay for it) and texting/facebooking other women in a way that suggested if I hadn't found out, it wouldn't have ended innocently. I got it all out of him but other stuff started to piss me off too such as his messyness around the house, he turned really boring, never wanted to do anything and complained that DD was spoilt when I bought her stuff (My money, I'll do what the hell I want with it tbf). Then the icing on the cake was that he agreed with his ex wife that their son could move in with us and didn't bother telling me until a WEEK before the lad was due to arrive. I did not agree but what could I do at the end of the day? His mother was leaving the country for 6 months and DP had already agreed to it. Well the kid is a nightmare, he's loud, cocky, messy and I'm expected to buy him the world when he asks for it "because you buy her everything".
So I'm at the point now where I just want them BOTH out. Thing is, DP would be up shit creek without a paddle if I did this because he'd never be able to afford to rent a place of his own (and would fail credit checks anyway), without my car he won't be able to get to work and he won't be able to afford another one and he won't have enough money to re-pay the stuff he owes.
Is it my problem? should I allow it to be my problem or am I being a cold hearted bitch just wanting to pack him a suitcase and say cheerio? I also know he's been slagging me off to his son (seen the text messages) and taking the piss out of me to work collegues. I don't love this man. I want to see the back of him. I begrudge my money being spent on "keeping" him and his son. I want my house back and my car back. Is it really bad to just chuck them out?

OP posts:
winnybella · 23/04/2011 09:10

My only concern would be his son-what will happen to him? Does he have other family that will take him in?

Other than that, no, you don't owe anything to that twat.

davidtennantsmistress · 23/04/2011 09:12

I think you need to think about yourself & your daughter - that is selfish yes but you've said you dn't love the man, so I think you need to concentrate on you 2 and leave him to think about his child & himself. give him a fair period ie a month when you expect him to have found something. from the buying things for the children thing - it might not be your child & direct responsibility however I do believe all children in the house should be treated equally materialistically or not.

rainbowinthesky · 23/04/2011 09:13

I would give him 2 months notice to leave and make sure it is enforcable. Dont know if you can get advice on this - maybe put into writing. I would then change the locks on the last day of notice. 2 months is ample time for him to sort himself out.

PonceyMcPonce · 23/04/2011 09:13

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

atswimtwolengths · 23/04/2011 09:15

No, get rid of him.

He's had a free ride, hasn't he, and he obviously thinks less of you for it.

Don't give him a week or so to get out. Tell him you want him to get out immediately. It's up to him what he does from then. If his son had been nice to you, then I would not recommend an immediate move, but given what he's been like, get rid of both together. They must have someone they can stay with. If not, the boy's mother will just have to send some money over immediately.

He has an absolute bloody nerve acting the way he has.

Oh and before you tell them to get out, remove every electrical item that they might want from the house. Remove your purse, your cards, everything. Otherwise they may just take what they want. If he has access to your cards, make sure you cancel them immediately.

God, I can't believe you're asking, actually! You will be so much happier when they've gone.

By the way, how old is his son?

atswimtwolengths · 23/04/2011 09:16

I wouldn't give him any notice. He'll just use that time to steal from you and give you hell.

lubeybooby · 23/04/2011 09:18

He would get help with tax credits and housing benefit etc if his income is that low. If you officially evict him then the council will have to help house him. If it's really that bad

Why not scrimp and save for a while though, eg don't buy one single thing that isn't essential to life, and get him a deposit for a place sorted. Then wash your hands of him (apart from as dd's dad)

2littlegreenmonkeys · 23/04/2011 09:29

Get rid, now.

I agree the boys mother must send some money for you P and their DS to get settled in the short term, he can sort himself after that. He is taking the piss big time.

Xales · 23/04/2011 09:36

Is your DD his? I don't think she is from the way you say he complains about you spending on her.

At the end of the day you are not responsible financially for his DS or him.

If you feel morally bad in just saying fuck off out then give them notice so he has time to sort stuff. Not that he gave you notice to move his child in. Be prepared that this man will probably get very very nasty and aggressive if you give him time he doesn't have a problem with being insulting behind your back.

I would personally bite the bullet and swift boot out the door.

LadyInTheRadiat0r · 23/04/2011 09:39

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

zikes · 23/04/2011 09:41

If you're a blended family, the children in it should be treated equally. Seems to me best all round since you resent the son and don't love the man that you part ways.

The best route may be to formally evict him so he and his son are officially homeless and hopefully high-priority for rehousing.

I think the nice thing to do would be to let him keep the car (or buy him an old banger) since you evidently don't really need it if he's been using it for work all this time. Making him homeless and unable to work at the same time is pretty harsh.

ChaoticAngelofchocolateeggs · 23/04/2011 09:57

Pack his bags for him and leave them outside the front door. Change the locks to prevent him from getting back in if you think he'll cause trouble.

Original poster
SplatteredEasterBunny · 23/04/2011 10:01

haha I'm not going to give him a £10k car! I'm not that stupid rich. I earnt that car. I'm sick of being an atm for him. He wouldn't give a shit if it was the other way around, he once had an mp3 player worth about £60. He went and bought himself an ipod touch so I asked if I could have the old mp3 player. He told me I could "buy it off him" for £50. I told him to shove it up his arse.

I feel a bit bad for the kid but even that is difficult after hearing months of "tight cow" and "witch" etc.

I would even resent buying him an old car tbh. Or paying his deposit. With all the money he has "Borrowed" from me in the past two years he should have enough to buy a fecking house of his own.

OP posts:
buggerlugs82 · 23/04/2011 10:03

This reply has been withdrawn

This post has been withdrawn due to privacy concerns.

Pancakeflipper · 23/04/2011 10:04

This relationship is not equal ( you both seem unable to share finances openly) and there seems little trust. You are not happy. Time to move on. Give him 1 month to be out. He can get into rented. The ex-wife can help with his DS.

buggerlugs82 · 23/04/2011 10:04

This reply has been withdrawn

This post has been withdrawn due to privacy concerns.

notoriginal · 23/04/2011 10:08

Him being without a car is not your problem. You could offer to help him with deposit but other than that you owe this freeloader nothing.

Tell him to go immediately. Does he have any family he could freeload off until he gets a flat sorted out?

notremotelyintofootie · 23/04/2011 10:12

Could he not move into the ex wife's place if she's gone for 6 months? Get rid ASAP!!!

TimeForMeIsFree · 23/04/2011 10:53

I totally agree, get rid, ASAP!

jumpingjackhash · 23/04/2011 11:00

Agree with the other posters - tell him to do one (and teach his kid some respect while he's at it).

GypsyMoth · 23/04/2011 11:05

op....the only consideration i would give here,is,if possible...get these bloody bank holidays out of the way first. he can then go to council.

stream · 23/04/2011 11:05

Won't he claim half your house if you split?

OkeeDoeKee · 23/04/2011 11:10

You're not his mother so don't act as such.

Give him clear notice of when you want him out and he can sort himself and child out. If he is working and has a child he is entitled to child benefit and tax credits so he needs to start getting himself sorted. If he needs a deposit refs etc for accommodation he can ask his ex to sort out as he is accommodating their son (has the ex not left a vacant property whilst she is away that he could temporarily move into with his son??? Just a thought but it's down to them to sort not you)

BertieBasset · 23/04/2011 11:38

Just wanted to say I had an ex who was a financial leech. Don't worry, he'll land on his feet and will find some other mug to out up with him. Feckless idiots always do.

BertieBasset · 23/04/2011 11:38

*put

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