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Original poster

I want rid of them but it will really mess him up. WWYD?

70 replies

SplatteredEasterBunny · 23/04/2011 09:07

Been together for around four years. He moved in with me around 2 years ago. I am the breadwinner, he earns minimum wage. Everything he own was paid for by me, the furniture, the car etc. Things were great between us at first, we had loads in common, went out a fair bit, had similar interests and he was great with DD. After a year or so I found out he'd been lying about things. Silly debts (like buying an ipad on a credit card when he had no money to pay for it) and texting/facebooking other women in a way that suggested if I hadn't found out, it wouldn't have ended innocently. I got it all out of him but other stuff started to piss me off too such as his messyness around the house, he turned really boring, never wanted to do anything and complained that DD was spoilt when I bought her stuff (My money, I'll do what the hell I want with it tbf). Then the icing on the cake was that he agreed with his ex wife that their son could move in with us and didn't bother telling me until a WEEK before the lad was due to arrive. I did not agree but what could I do at the end of the day? His mother was leaving the country for 6 months and DP had already agreed to it. Well the kid is a nightmare, he's loud, cocky, messy and I'm expected to buy him the world when he asks for it "because you buy her everything".
So I'm at the point now where I just want them BOTH out. Thing is, DP would be up shit creek without a paddle if I did this because he'd never be able to afford to rent a place of his own (and would fail credit checks anyway), without my car he won't be able to get to work and he won't be able to afford another one and he won't have enough money to re-pay the stuff he owes.
Is it my problem? should I allow it to be my problem or am I being a cold hearted bitch just wanting to pack him a suitcase and say cheerio? I also know he's been slagging me off to his son (seen the text messages) and taking the piss out of me to work collegues. I don't love this man. I want to see the back of him. I begrudge my money being spent on "keeping" him and his son. I want my house back and my car back. Is it really bad to just chuck them out?

OP posts:
atswimtwolengths · 23/04/2011 11:53

Stream, he can't claim half the house if she's only been living with him for two years!

stream · 23/04/2011 11:56

Oh, that's good then. [busmile]
I was worried for her.

TimeForMeIsFree · 23/04/2011 11:58

He can't claim half her house anyway as they aren't married. She has no obligation towards him whatsoever.

WinterOfOurDiscountTents · 23/04/2011 11:59

Kick him out, and don't be such a doormat in the future.

Collision · 23/04/2011 12:00

I would pack a bag for them while they are out.

Change the locks and call people so you have backup in case he gets arsey.

Write him a letter telling him clearly what is happening and that you have had enough.

Do not give him any warning or he might clear your bank account and take stuff that does not belong to him.

No way would I be treated like this.

southofthethames · 23/04/2011 12:01

Get rid of him. His son cannot stay either - the child of another man and another woman is not your problem. He doesn't respect, much less love, you and he's a parasite on your resources and goodwill. I expect he had a good laugh when he told his ex-wife their son could move in because he had a woman who was a free benefactor who would pay for his responsibilities too. Quick, get him out! Enlist the help of a strong male friend/relative to chuck him and his stuff (I suspect "his" stuff is minimal, seeing as you paid for shared possessions) out if there is a chance he might not budge.

ChippingInLovesEasterEggs · 23/04/2011 12:02

Get rid NOW - the sooner the better and don't you dare feel guilty about it! You have supported him and he's been rude, thrown it in your face, been caught with the facebook shit and you don't love him.

You owe him NOTHING - he owes you a lot.

He's a cocklodger.

Whilst I feel sorry for the son to a point, it is the blokes problem, not yours. There's clearly no love lost between any of you. The son is old enough to have a phone and for him and blokey to be exchanging messages about you, he's no tot you have to worry over - let his parents do that.

We have a social services system in this country that will not see him homeless.

How he gets to work is his problem - he can bus, walk, bike - rollerskate for all I care and for all you should care.

He's been using you for (at least) 2 years - put you and your daughter first now.

Do what someone else said and take all of the expensive/sellable stuff that you can out of the house and tell him he has until next weekend to find somewhere and go. End of.

ChippingInLovesEasterEggs · 23/04/2011 12:08

Actually, you know what I've changed my mind.

Don't give him until next weekend, change the locks, dump their stuff outside & tell him to return your car NOW (if he's out in it). Tell him you will call the police if he doesn't and if there's any trouble. Call someone to come around & be with you.

Don't waste another day supporting him, being used by him.

zikes · 23/04/2011 12:10

It's funny, if positions were reversed and the guy wanted to chuck out his partner & her child, I bet the majority of advice wouldn't be to give no notice and just throw their stuff out.

Whatever he's done, there's a child to think of.

WinterOfOurDiscountTents · 23/04/2011 12:13

His child, for him to think of and provide for. If you think a woman has any more right to leech off a man and expect him to provide for her and her kid, you're the one being unreasonable.

Xales · 23/04/2011 12:16

There is another thread on here this week about a woman considering moving in with her partner which is why I gave her the advise to sort everything crystal clear before they do move in together as the man could just leave her bags at the door and say see ya.

atswimtwolengths · 23/04/2011 12:40

I think anyone who treats another person like this deserves to be dumped.

If she gives him a month's notice, what can he do anyway? He won't have any more money in a month's time than he has now.

He needs to learn that he can't treat people like that. His son needs to learn that when people behave like he and his dad (and also his mum) do, then other people dump them.

There is a massive risk that he will take things that don't belong to you if he stays, knowing he's going to be kicked out, OP. Don't let him do that.

Collision · 23/04/2011 12:43

Zikes I do not think you are right.

If the OP was a man and the GF was a cow who was off in his car, spending the money, earning little, racking up debts on ipads, bitchy texts to her dd and being a bitch to him then I think we would tell him to get rid.

Am just worried for OP that if she gives warning she is chucking him out that he will take TV, computer, car, money and other stuff.

No love lost in this and the child sounds older. They could book into a travelodge for a while til he sorts himself out.

PaisleyLeaf · 23/04/2011 13:39

You're going to have to be tough - he's not going to go easily.

EvenLessNarkyPuffin · 23/04/2011 13:55

Send him off somewhere with his DS overnight. Change the locks. Pack his stuff/get professional packers in to box up his stuff.

reddaisy · 23/04/2011 14:03

How old is his son? I would be tempted to pack up his stuff - IE the stuff he has paid for, not the stuff you have bought, and book him and pay for him to stay in a travellodge until Tuesday when the council opens again and then he can make his arrangements. Don't give him a deposit for anywhere or a car, you are not his mum!!

reddaisy · 23/04/2011 14:04

I meant to ad, take his stuff to the travellodge and then give him the key explaining that your house is no longer his home and change your locks. Job done!

CarGirl · 23/04/2011 14:04

I think you need to wait until Tuesday and then do it, no warning tbh - 8am send him down the council offices and clear the house whilst he's gone.

Ensure you know where your car log book and all the keys etc are.

No doubt he'll use your address for his credit ratings......

EvenLessNarkyPuffin · 23/04/2011 14:06

Agreed about Tuesday. The council will have a duty to house him and his child, but they can't help on a bank holiday.

ChippingInLovesEasterEggs · 23/04/2011 14:10

Zikes - yes there is (a child to think of) and he has two parents to think about him, Splattered isn't one of them. He is not a young child, he clearly isn't attached to Splattered and his father has been treating Splattered like crap. His FATHER needs to 'think of the child'.

I would not be changing my advice if the sex of the poster and the parent were reversed, why would I.

I thought it would go without saying, but who knows... of course don't give him a deposit or a car FGS you have given him enough, more than enough!!

southofthethames · 23/04/2011 14:23

Yes, OP, change the locks after you've turfed his stuff out. (Get the locksmith to be there the moment you put his boxes / bin liner bags outside the front door!) I suspect his ex-wife will have provision for her own child over the Bank Holiday....after she has done so for a few years! Again, not OP's child, not her responsibility.

ohmyfucksy · 23/04/2011 14:30

He's useless - kick him out

It won't be long before he finds someone else to sponge off

GitAwfMayLend · 23/04/2011 14:32

Christ - I don't blame you for wanting him out. He doesn't have a smidgen of respect for you at all.

Mind you you will have to be careful as he seems as if he would be the type of person who will empty your house of belongings. And there are kids involved - his son yes, but also your daughter who you will not want to witness such goings on.

If I were you I would pack their stuff and put it in the garage or something. Change the locks and take back the car keys somehow. Then book a travelodge or something for a couple of days for them, so they won't be homeless, and that will give them enough time to be rehoused by the council. And if you have family/good friends, make sure that someone can be with you when you tell him that he has to leave from immedieate effect.

Don't worry about him - freeloaders like this always fall on their feet. With any luck he has been facebooking some other poor mug and he can rock up at her door.

EvenLessNarkyPuffin · 23/04/2011 14:34

The child's mother can't look after him if she's is out of the country as OP suggested. And dumping the stuff on the doorstep is a bit tacky. The stuff could be boxed and put into a store facility that's paid up for 1 month. Her soon to be ex DP could be handed the paperwork and the OP could keep copies. Then it's secure and the OP will have the paperwork to show that she's not responsible for any losses. Her sooon to be ex may be a cock, and she's not responsible for his child, but she's showing her own daughter how to treat people. Standing up for yourself if fine. Bin bags on the doorstep on a day the council offices are shut is petty.

EvenLessNarkyPuffin · 23/04/2011 14:38

If he's a real cock, you might want to leave a note in the window stating that the locks have been changed, so he can't wait until you're out and phone a locksmith claiming to have locked himself out - he'll have bank statements and a driving license with your address on.