I don't love you anymore . . .

[BlueistheColourIthink]

My other half of 2.5 years arrived this evening (long distance) and uttered the immortal words of "we need to talk".

All boils down to a kiss last week where he didn't feel the spark anymore. This added to the fact that he doesn't miss me anymore and doesn't love me anymore. We talked for hours, he's just left. I explained that I felt all relationships go up and down and that surely there must be something else, but no, apparently not. There is a girl at work who he quite likes but nothing else and he doesn't want to go out with her. I've said lots of stuff, some of it quite nasty and some of it quite pathetic.

Has anyone had any experience of a relationship ending this way? On either side?

Blue

xxx

It's a bit of an emotional roller coaster at the moment. Swaying between wanting to talk to him again at some point to get to the truth, explain a few things I said and I suppose,double, triple check that he meant it and knowing that it would only prolong the agony to do so.

Told a few more friends today. Most people are just shocked, we were the stable, happy, loved up couple in my circle.

My daughter is back today, she has spent 3 days with her Dad. I thought it would help but it's brought the situation into a crushingly sharp perspective.

He's met someone else. He has. Men do not just turn up out of the blue and decide they need to leave their home, their girlfriend and their children 'just because'.

I've just had a moment of weakness. Looked her up on his facebook profile! She is 19!!!! And listed as 'in a relationship' with someone they both work with. I can't believe he would go out with a 19 year old, nevermind one in a relationship. Really?

Maybe he just fancies her. Most men fancy many women.

Blue- I am very impressed with you taking taking control so early. Actually, it may take many months but I guarantee that he will try it on again with the new you at some point; probably if/when he is rejected or the new girl wears off. But it will be too late. You mustn't blink...just work harder on the x-trainer...turn adverse situation into your advantage....also guarantee that when you least expect an upgrade bloke will fall at your feet....it may take some time so be patient andstay focussed. Bets wishes

So much to think about - this relationship was the happiest I've ever had. We were serious and we were in love. We supported each other through redundancy and ill parents. If the crunch came because of the move, then I'm almost ok with that.

I'm doing the right things, I know I am. Mostly because of some fantastic support from my friends. But I don't feel in control. Waves of sadness take me over at random points and I can think of nothing else for that moment/minute. Also finding it very hard to connect with my daughter today. I thought having her home would help, but it's very difficult.

Maybe she isn't in a relationship with anyone else but with your ex?

I have never ever thought why a man has duped me if they have. Feels weird.

Blue- but you are doing brilliantly and exercising control. How old is your daughter?

OrigiinalFab, her page names the person she is in a relationship with and where he works. Clicked on his picture and it took me to his profile page though obv most of it set to private, unlike hers. Lots of pictures on hers of her and her boyfriend. Thing is, she looks a little like his daughter! Creeps me out a bit, she is slimmer than me, with bigger boobs. Of course!

I'm a questioner, it's a weakness of mine. Philosophy background. I wish I could just cut the ties.

My daughter is 5 - always slightly more of a handful when returning from Daddy's. My best friend is doing a marvelous job of entertaining her. I think self preservation has kicked in and I can feel invisible walls around me with regards to him, not sure how to let them down and let her in. That sounds much more dramatic than it is. I can't focus on anything at the moment, which is making it horrendously difficult to prepare for work on Tuesday (teacher).

The most important thing is your relaionship with your daughter. A good bloke will drop by before too long.

Oh of course I know she's the most important thing. I just feel disconnected from the whole world at the moment. Just about to run a bubble bath for the both of us - think it'll help and it always calms her down.

yes, why don't you write down everything that is great about you....or play your favouite music and dance with your daughter and sing out loud....she wil love it.

Music and dancing and bubble baths - not quite the magic cure I would like but they go along way. Daughter hasn't noticed anything wrong with Mummy so guess to the outside world I'm managing to function as a human should.

Dark moment this morning, bf has to go home as work beckons. Tonight, I suspect, will be tricky and I had myself convinced earlier if I only spoke to him then perhaps this could be all ok. If I just explained one or two things . . . which I know is nonsense. Even if I wanted a reconciliation (tbh about 21% of me probably does) I know it has to come from him or I'll always wondered. Anyways, what kind of fruit loop wants to talk to a guy that told her he didn't love her anymore? Oh yes . . think I know someone who fits that bill!

his feelings would not have changed so quickly but something or someone may have accelerated this feeling

it does really hurt when someone says they do not want you, but you will move on and jsut have to accept that they don't and try no to question why. i know when i split with my ex i could have given him a million reasons why our relationship was not working but they would have all been excuses i jsut didn't want to be with him anymore. there was someone else but them being around jsut confirmed what i knew for sometime

people fall out of love, its as unexplainable as why people do fall in love its jsut happens

Blue - in all of this you make so much sense. THis will stand you in good stead....hang in there and I guarantee that you will emerge stronger; and fitter and possibly more appealing

and possibly more appealing

I can sort of see where you are going there but that's probably not the most tactful thing you could have written!!!

Well perhaps not tactful but it did make me laugh. I'm quite appealing already so the hours I've put in on my little x trainer can only help eh? ;-)

I've battled through today, desperate to call him. Now is our usual time to speak so have decided to busy my hands with something else. Absolutely no contact since. I've decided I will make contact in a few weeks, knowing that I've given myself permission to do it at a later date, makes it easier not to do it now if that makes sense. I hope I don't. I've deliberately not posted anything on facebook since we broke up If he wants to find out how I'm doing he can bloody well call. I'm not going to do fakeupdates about how great the weekend has been so I'm saying anything at all.

Deep down I'm so bloody sad. It took all my energy to appear normal at my daughter's swimming lesson today (on a bank holiday I know! Relentless but she loves it so we went) and tell two people "Easter was great thanks, you?". I cried those big, salty, but silent tears the whole way home in the car. Thank god for sunglasses. Tomorrow, I shall have to face approximately 150 people all wanting to hear the same thing. Better get the 'power' dress and shoes ready. Pity any poor students who push their luck with me tomorrow.

This,or something similar, happened to me. I didn't understand it at the time and I tried to fight for the relationship. I couldn't believe someone's feelings could just change like the weather. But they could, because they weren't real feelings - he was a narcissist and he experienced emotion as being something quite like the weather, outside his control.

I wish I'd had people around me then who'd told me what the posters above are telling you.

But then, in the end, I was the one who lived happily ever after

I'm glad you still have a healthy sense of humour

Hope your day was a happier one and you are hardened to people and their 'lovely' bank holidays. I am really sorry that it hurts so much. All I can do is echo alto2 in that it will get better...bit by bit and day by day.

You could try saying 'it was really shite actually' when the next person asks...that should send them running for the hills and fast!

hey, well today was hard for lots of reasons. Some of them expected, some unexpected.

I logged on to facebook at 430pm to see him online and a new mail message. For a split second I thought it was him - but no just an email confirming some dates for a hen weekend. Then I spent an agonising 30 minutes trying to decided if I should say "hey". Decided against it.

Not stopped me questioning why he was online for 30 minutes when he was at work - so perhaps he's not in, perhaps in on holiday and never told me, perhaps he logged in on his phone on a break, and forget/didn't lock in.

So, from feeling fairly strong, I feel sick again. I know it'll pass and I know, compared to what some people have got going on this is small fry.

I've decided I'm going to contact him when the 3rd season of a tv show we were watching together starts and say "know anyone who fancies watching this on x day"? and take it from there. Or is that a terrible, rubbish idea? sigh

Hello Blue,
break-ups are bloody hard and I am just going through the end of a two year relationship too, so, my thoughts are contacting him is a bad idea, firstly, if he does meet up with you and isn't that scrupulous it would be awful being on the recording end of a sympathy shag. if he says no you will feel bad and if he is missing you and wants to get back together then he will say so, apologize for what he has done and move heaven and earth to make it up to you. it's like an addiction and the compulsion to contact is so high but it inevitably ends up feeling worse. Take care of yourself x

Sorry, de-lurking to say NO! Please do not contact him!! Don't give him the chance to hurt you any more than he already has.

Stay strong! x

Do not contact him! No no no! You would sound desperate and pathetic. Is ok to feel desperate for him, but these feelings will pass and should not outweigh your sensible side!

And the person who does the dumping (or gives out the "I don't love you" lines) should always be the one to come crawling back (to be rejected by the wise woman of course), teenage rules sometimes make sense! Do not chase him like a lovesick puppy!

Must be v hard indeed teaching while going through this. Is there anyone nice at work you could confide in? Your bf sounds like a star.

Don't worry about dd, she is probably oblivious. Just stumble on as best you can.

How sad that the OW is 19. Maybe she doesn't even know of his interest and is all a pathetic fantasy.

Your bf is male? Is he straight? Single?!

Delete your ex from your facebook, self torture. Period of total avoidance best approach.

Well that was a wobble and I'm over said wobble. Thank God for Mumset. When I'm over this I'm coming out of lurking, and going to offer words of support whenever I can. The power of them is huge!

I rang my brother who told me on no account to contact him. I listened. I can't believe how strong the urge is sometimes! I know that if there is any chance of a reconciliation (successful not shag based) then it must come from him.

My bf is indeed male, but married to a lovely man himself. We have been friends for 10 years plus and sadly has yet to introduce me to a bloody straight man.

School was actually helpful today, it was good to focus on something else. I have confided in a couple of friends which helped. Just a reassuring look or a pat goes a mile doesn't it.

Thanks again.