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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Urgent advice - domestic violence towards sister living abroad

110 replies

jollyboysmum · 21/04/2011 17:35

Can anyone offer practical advice, please? My sister lives in Egypt (Sharm el Sheikh, not Cairo) and has been married to a local man for approx 27 years. She has 5 children, her husband has always been violent towards her, punching and kicking her in front of the children and locking her in. Now he has thrown her out, she has no money, nowhere to go, and he has the passports. She will not leave without her youngest daughter (8 yrs old.) Does anyone know of a women's refuge in Sharm el Sheikh, or Embassy/consulate as these are in Cairo (8 hours away). She has left him in the past and needs his permission to travel with the children without her husband. She was detained at the airport until the security guards spoke to him on the phone to confirm she was not leaving without his permission. Urgent advice required.

OP posts:
LoopyLoopsNincompoop · 28/04/2011 21:39

My goodness, I'm keeping all my fingers and toes crossed for your sister and niece. :)

bringinghomethebacon · 28/04/2011 21:44

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Message withdrawn at poster's request.

bringinghomethebacon · 28/04/2011 21:45

This reply has been deleted

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Selks · 28/04/2011 21:47

Oh my goodness...all fingers and toes crossed for your sister and niece to make it safely out of Egypt.....

GColdtimer · 28/04/2011 22:06

jollyboysmum, good luck to your sister and your neice. I can't imagine how you will be able to relax until they are on that flight.

blueshoes · 28/04/2011 22:35

Jolly, you already have excellent advice. I just want to add my support to you and your sister in this terrible situation. I wish and hope she and your niece will be safe with you in UK shortly.

jollyboysmum · 29/04/2011 07:12

Thank you so much, I would have found the whole process more terrifying if I hadn't had support and advice from this brilliant network. I just hope her husband does not wait at the airport - he doesn't know she's flying out so just praying they can leave safely. I'm very sad for her eldest daughter who has been helping her in Cairo, when I spoke to her yesterday she said she feels like an orphan now. We will need to help her leave too in a month or two. At least we know how the 'system' works now.

OP posts:
oxocube · 29/04/2011 19:16

How old is the eldest daughter? Can adult women leave Egypt without their father's consent? Again, good luck. I can't imagine the pain and fear your poor sister must be feeling right now. Please let us know if/when she gets out safely

oxocube · 29/04/2011 19:21

Sorry, just seen eldest daughter is 25.

AnnieG29 · 30/04/2011 18:26

Hi, not meaning to worry you but please never ever underestimate an Egyptian, they are game players, they lie and they all stick up for each other and will lie for one another. I lived in Egypt for 4 years and my life was pure hell all at the hands of an Egyptian man, the only good thing I have from him is my baby. Your sister will need a lot of help when she gets back to the UK, after 4 years I couldn't hold a proper conversation with men, I couldn't make eye contact, didn't like going out, these men make you feel worthless. Yes, there are some successful relationships between westerners and egyptians, but for every good one there are 20 bad ones. I wish your sister and her children all the very best for the future, when she does come back to the UK, never ever let her go back to that hell hole. Good luck xx

jollyboysmum · 30/04/2011 19:02

Hi AnnieG29. Glad that you have managed to escape, and I will not relax for one second until I know my sister and her daughter on actually boarding the plane. I know what it's like there. I would warn anyone even considering such a relationship to stop, stop, stop.

OP posts:
jollyboysmum · 01/05/2011 11:21

Mainly for BringingHomeTheBacon - if my sister is stopped today at security, should she say her husband is in Sharm or UK? My gut instinct is to say UK or they will try to contact him to check he has given consent to travel. Please can you advise? They are off to the airport in an hour. Many thanks x

OP posts:
welshbyrd · 01/05/2011 11:57

Not new advice from me Im afraid, not a subject I have any experiences with.

But another Goodluck, and Im keeping my fingers crossed for your DS and DN. I really feel for them both, her situation sounds terrible, and the last 3 decades of her life sound appalling, im not familiar with Egyptian men, but from the posters who are,seems like she is going to really need a lot of help coping with her new freedom, when she arrives.

I really hope she gets back to UK, without any problems

Well done OP, im so glad she has such support offered to her

ShoutyHamster · 01/05/2011 12:33

Goodness, UK I would say, seems like common sense - then they cannot check - fingers crossed, am thinking of your sister and neice xx

ShoutyHamster · 01/05/2011 14:06

Did they get the plane ok OP?

FabbyChic · 01/05/2011 14:08

Sending good wishes to your sister and her daughter.

jollyboysmum · 01/05/2011 16:18

We haven't heard otherwise, so I think they're on the plane..... will update when they have arrived x

OP posts:
feistychickfightingthebull · 01/05/2011 16:30

hi Jolly, hang in there and keep us posted, we are all rooting for you. MN helped me so much with a rather traumatic situation and I second you on that the people on here are brilliant. Fingers crossed x

HerHissyness · 01/05/2011 16:37

I was with my now X for 10 years, we lived in his land for 3 years. I cam back in May 2009. Only this year can I actually look males in the face, and even then, not all the time.

I don't live in London, thankfully, so I don't hear Egyptian spoken around me anymore, but for a while if I did, like when visiting friends etc, it was literally all I could do not to RUN like the wind in the opposite direction.

The Agoraphobia is getting better, I am forcing myself and it's a daily struggle. If given an excuse to stay in, I'll take it. Not great when you have a child, although he was brought up in the cage as I was, so we don't get cabin fever.

I have work most weekends now, so we do have to go out, but even if there was a weekend of us not leaving the house, it'd be a lot less than the 3 straight weeks indoors we'd have back in Alex.

My guess is she'll be overwhelmed by the outside world, So I advise plenty of patience, not too much stuff organised at once, allow space and time for pit-stops and she ought to be able to get through the days.

When she's ready, perhaps try the freedom programme, or at least a few calls to Woman's Aid for guidance and support.

I'll be checking back later, I do hope she is on board.

MorningCoffee · 01/05/2011 20:46

I have no experience of this but i just wanted to say that i hope your DS and DN get back safe and well, fingers firmly crossed for you all.

QuietTiger · 01/05/2011 21:19

Fingers firmly crossed that the news we hear is of her arriving in the UK safely. xx

mousymouse · 02/05/2011 07:30

Unlurking here.
I hope that your sister has arrived safely and that she is now sleeping soundly in loving surroundings!

jollyboysmum · 02/05/2011 07:36

They are home!!!! Seeing them later this morning. Now the work begins to find counselling (any suggestions?) and a school asap. Thank you everyone for your support, it has been fantastic xxxxxxx

OP posts:
mousymouse · 02/05/2011 07:43

That is great!

JsOtherHalf · 02/05/2011 08:06

What brilliant news!

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