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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Urgent advice - domestic violence towards sister living abroad

110 replies

jollyboysmum · 21/04/2011 17:35

Can anyone offer practical advice, please? My sister lives in Egypt (Sharm el Sheikh, not Cairo) and has been married to a local man for approx 27 years. She has 5 children, her husband has always been violent towards her, punching and kicking her in front of the children and locking her in. Now he has thrown her out, she has no money, nowhere to go, and he has the passports. She will not leave without her youngest daughter (8 yrs old.) Does anyone know of a women's refuge in Sharm el Sheikh, or Embassy/consulate as these are in Cairo (8 hours away). She has left him in the past and needs his permission to travel with the children without her husband. She was detained at the airport until the security guards spoke to him on the phone to confirm she was not leaving without his permission. Urgent advice required.

OP posts:
Original poster
jollyboysmum · 24/04/2011 20:38

That's great - the network of British women is very strong - it needs to be. Yes sis is fluent in Arabic. She could see how husband was treating the sweet lovely youngest daughter and could not bear for her to go through it all too. Other sons truly brainwashed. It is such mental cruelty. Let's hope they can escape asap. Thanks again for your support x

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oxocube · 25/04/2011 19:27

Am watching this thread JBM and really hope your sister and her daughter manage to get to you in Britain. So horrible to think that she has 'lost' her boys but am praying she and her little girl can find happiness and a better life

Original poster
jollyboysmum · 26/04/2011 21:19

fingers crossed, hopefully passport for 8yr old will be ready on Thurs so booking flight asap!!!!!!! please all hope that my sis and niece will be able to travel and arrive her very soon x

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oxocube · 27/04/2011 07:32
Smile
feistychickfightingthebull · 27/04/2011 09:15

Thinking of you all jolly. I have everything crossed for your dsis and dn, how utterly heartbreaking for you all

QuietTiger · 27/04/2011 09:18

This is just a thought, but did the DD have a British passport as well as an Egyptian one? If she did, there will be a record of it at the passport office and it should make issue at the Brit embassy in Cairo easier.

ShoutyHamster · 27/04/2011 09:43

Best of luck to your brave sis. Keeping fingers crossed x

HerHissyness · 27/04/2011 09:55

Oh that IS good news! I wish her the best and speediest of recoveries.

Sad to say, expect PTSD, possible agoraphobia and other complications. this woman has been in prison for nearly 30 years in what I felt to be (although I don't know Sharm) to be an open insane asylum.

I'm able to allow myself to think about my experiences there now, it's no longer gut-wrenchingly painful to be reminded of it, and I don't want to run a million miles when any memory is dragged up, so you know where I am if your DSIS needs an ear/shoulder eh, just PM me?

If she has any issues at all, or is fearful of being stopped, perhaps she could get someone from the Embassy to attend the airport with her, to make sure she gets through security/immigration? I know the embassy staff will willingly do anything to get to go down to Cairo Airport and kick some supercilious arses whenever they can do. X had problems once and the Irish embassy were chomping at the bit to steam on in there.

But if you book her a ticket with a return for no more than a month, 2-3 weeks possibly the best and also the fact that she has other DC to come back for, the immigration ought to buy her story.

Original poster
jollyboysmum · 27/04/2011 22:08

So we have the emergency British passport for my niece, but the Egyptian authorities have to issue a stamp to approve niece's exit, and they will not do so because there is no male with them. Can't see how we can get around this. Sis doesn't know any men (during our last visit she couldn't even stay in her own house with my husband when I went to buy some food with her children). Is it worth trying British embassy do you think, to see if they will go with her to get this stamp?

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QuietTiger · 28/04/2011 08:27

Good God YES. The Embassy will have encountered this more than once, so speak to them and see if they can help.

We're keeping our fingers crossed here.

Original poster
jollyboysmum · 28/04/2011 10:14

DS asked yesterday at the Embassy for someone to go with them and was told no, not possible. They are back at the office now to get this stamp, and have a lawyer with them. If they don't get anywhere today then I will phone the UK Embassy and demand that assistance is given. Part of the problem is that the person they are dealing with in Cairo at British Embassy is Egyptian.

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QuietTiger · 28/04/2011 10:19

Ask to speak to one of the Brits in the counsular section and push for it. One of the things that the locally employed staff are employed for is to deal with routine stuff. They also block deal with routine requests so the British staff are not unindated.

Get pushy, get stroppy be forceful, and get names.

Original poster
jollyboysmum · 28/04/2011 10:30

Thanks QuietTiger. Which department/office should I ask to speak to when I phone there? I don't want to be fobbed off. It all shuts down at 1pm local time today til Sunday... day the flights are booked for :(

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QuietTiger · 28/04/2011 11:09

Demand Ask to be put through to the Head of the Consular section - it's the consular section you want. I'm sorry, I don't know the name of the person off hand. At the very least then, you should get to speak to a Brit in the consular section.

LongWayRound · 28/04/2011 12:36

The emergency number for British citizens to contact outside consulate office hours is 002 02 2791 6000 (according to consulate website ukinegypt.fco.gov.uk/en/help-for-british-nationals/.) The Embassy website makes it clear that this is the Embassy switchboard, and adds "if you have difficulty in accessing this number then please try the London Number 00 44 207 008 1500."
Hope this helps.

Original poster
jollyboysmum · 28/04/2011 18:07

Finally, after being in the office all day, they have the stamp they need for my niece. And guess how? The lawyer who went with them bumped into a cousin at the last minute before the office shut. Other wise, they would never have been given it as no male part of the family with them. Just keep fingers crossed they are not stopped before boarding on Sun eve.....

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QuietTiger · 28/04/2011 18:12

Fingers crossed. Infact everything crossed that your DSis can get out of that Misogynistic hellhole on Sunday. :) Please let us know if she made it back to the UK safely.

Geocentric · 28/04/2011 18:24

Good luck! Hope it all goes smoothly and they are home with you soon...

thisishowifeel · 28/04/2011 18:42

I've been following this and I really hope everything goes smoothly and calmly on Sunday. Thinking positive thoughts.

HerHissyness · 28/04/2011 19:03

Oh I won't rest until I know she is out of that dreadful place. God Speed and all that, and a huge hug to you for all the support, you are one great sister.

remember I'm always here if you need me.

HerHissyness · 28/04/2011 19:04

QuietTiger: How do you know so much about that place, you got the scars too? [cgrin]

Original poster
jollyboysmum · 28/04/2011 19:25

Thanks everyone - will certainly post on Monday when hopefully, she is here safely. Her Hissyness, I will be in touch for advice on sister's recovery :)

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QuietTiger · 28/04/2011 20:55

Don't have the scars, but I spent 10 years as a UK immigration officer before I met my DH and my dad was a British diplomat, so I've come across more than one person needing embassy support for various things. :).

HerHissyness · 28/04/2011 21:29

God Bless you anyway QuietTiger, when we are so far from home, and dealing with such alien concepts, people like you can make literally a whole world of difference! Grin

jollyboysmum: I'm minor league in comparison to your sister, I can barely imagine what hell she has lived through, but I'll help in any way I can!

nailak · 28/04/2011 21:34

some men need some beats themselves... despicable.

im happy your sister ot the paperwork sorted. hopefully her sons will understand one day.