********************It's over****************

[Mhamai]

I was on a thread a while back because I was having problems in an early relationship, well we broke up for good yesterday and although the writings been on the wall for some time, well actually he kept me dangling for a few wks and dont get me wrong because I wanted to dangle! but I erupted at the wknd, got drunk and ranted into his voicemail stupid txts ect I feel like my world has just caved in and I suppose I just want sompe support, I mean I've gone through breakups and suvived and I know time is a great healer etc but its the pain I'm in right now that is killing me, I just feel so empty.

'hand-to-mouth', I meant!

Really don't have any words of comfort for you Mhamai - you are in good hands with anorak I think - but just wanted to say I am sorry you are feeling so down.

Thanks Lonelymum and Anorak, you know your right Anorak, when I went to bed last night I lay there trying to reach inside myself to comfort myself but I couldnt, theres a heaviness on my chest I swear it actually feels like a physical weight, I just feel like I want to curl up somewhere and sleep till this ache has passed, I know it all sounds a tad dramatic but I swear I would rather be on the moon than feeling like this.

Take courage. Think what a positive step you've taken. You've done what's right for you even though it's a painful process. That's a sure sign that you're learning to make better long-term choices. You've made a mature choice for a better life later on, although at this moment there is no payoff. Many people never in the whole lives reach that level of maturity.

Hi Really sorry to hear what you are going through. I know everyone will say you will look back on this & realise it was for the best, but I know right now that seems a long way off. You will get through it & it takes a braver person to make the right decission than to just carry on. Give your little boy a big kiss and keep strong for him. Why not do something wacky with your son at the weekend and try to lift your spirits. Good luck

I dont know why you have made me think of this Anorak but growing up I was labelled the "black sheep" in reality I was the "scapegoat" but I was the "joker" and "clown" roles I played all too well! What struck me is you mentioned maturity and it's something I always felt eluded me and to hear someone refer to me as having emotional maturity has made me well up. Oh God I feel like someone has died or part of me is dying, I'm so scared and feel so alone, and whats killing me is that i'm scared if he contacted me, Id be straight back there because I feel so insecure.

Thanks Jimy2, God your a mind reader because here the kids in Dublin the kids are on their mid term break and I'm going to bring my ds4 to the cinema, he's very perceptive and knows somethings not right, he's been giving me loads more cuddles than usual. I really do have so much to be thankful for and have to concentrate on that.

Sorry, repeated the kids but bear with me, the old heads a bit frazzled, jeez I even considered antidepressants earlier and I'm thinking, sod that, I bet that fu**er didnt loose any sleep last night! Oh It's mental, my emotions are swinging all over, one minute my hearts breaking, the next, I could happily strangle him, but I suppose it's all normal huh! If thats normal get me out of here! Not Exagerating but this is me at the mo, Just want to again.

Mhamai, is he not the father of your children?

Perhaps you've hit the nail on the head, Mhamai. A part of you is dying. The part that used to settle for second best because you thought that was all you were worth.

Change is scary, but can you feel a little excited about it? A new part of your life is beginning - one where you are cared for as well as caring. Make it so! as the saying goes!

No Lonelymum, thank God!

I know Anorak it's weird, I started my degree in Counselling a few weeks ago, I'm waiting to hear back from a writers group I signed up for and then got word on Tues when we broke up, that I've got the position as a part time receptionist. So there is so much happening, that I've initiated but I suppose having him and that would have been the icing on the cake! Wrong Guy tho!

You know it wouldn't have been. You split with him for good reason.

A new start for you, in all ways!

I have to admit, I even said it to my therapist, and this was before the split, that I feel like I'm peeping over the hedge at lifes possibilities and that now that there is so much finally within my grasp, that I know I just have to step forward but it's so bloody scary!

Oops ds4 has just made his presence felt, very loudly! will check back later, thanks eveyone and Anorak, well I think you know! [[hugs]]]]]

It may be scary to look at the new possibilities but it's a lot more scary to think you could go on in the same old way!

I know your right Anorak and I know all that makes sense on a rational level, I just dont feel very level headed at the mo, I feel like I know I'm going to do the right thing but I'm still at the stage where if I get a txt or the phone rings I'm jumping out of my skin, hoping it's him, then thinking of the times when he told me I was the only one he could really talk to etc and Im thinking, God didi I mean nothing to him, how can he be so cold hearted, I'm sorry I'm so not in a good space, just feel like I'm torn between starting again, letting go, and then wanting to run to him for shelter even though knowing its not what I need, oh I'm sorry Anorak I'm rambling and to be honest I just feel like Im loosing the plot!

You're doing that classic thing of worrying about what he's feeling, what he's thinking...

Do you think he's preoccupied with worrying every second how you're feeling and thinking? Ha!

I'm sure he's big enough and ugly enough to take care of himself. You lavish your attention on yourself . Fill those emotional stores. As Dr Phil always says, you can't give away what you don't have. If you're empty the day after he left, is he ever going to build you up at all?

You deserve to be cared for and worried about and unless you give yourself a footing on the priority ladder no other b*er will!

Well said Anorak! Sadly I do still want him to want me because I know on some level he did care but was obviously not "mature" enough to sustain a decent adult relationship, I suppose I'm just facing up to the reality that I am probably going to dwell, reminisce, throw some pity parties for myself, I am for instance telling myself that from Monday ie starting new job and not to mention college work, I will certainly have enough to keep me busy! God some day I want to look back on this as an important crossroads for me and know that this was although painful a major turning point in my life, just right now it's so damn hard, but hey, I'd rather this pain and move forward as you said Anorak, than be stuck back in the familiar but fruitless past, I'm not saying that anyone should need a man to make them feel complete but I've never had a decent relationship, I just hope some day there is someone I can share some of lifes journey with because I would like to find love, guess it has to start with me though ps I know I'll start to sound like a broken record but thanks Anorak for being such a kind, patient and considerate person, your dh and children are very lucky to have you!

Wish my kids agreed with you!

Well you sound a bit more positive! I know it's hard, and scary, but looking back on my year of therapy and the subsequent changes in my life my only regret is that I didn't do it years before.

Have to go out now. I'll check you later or tomorrow keep thinking positive!

Cheers hun

ok it's late and I'm a little drunk but feelin very low and a bit angry tbh and after this post will prob have even less support than before but I cant help but notice there has been tons of support but it seems you have to have had a child or children with the person your breaking up with! As I say drunk and very emotional so by all means feel free to come back and flame me because I couldnt feel much shittier than I do now!

Not at all Mhamai, sorry I was asleep at 2.35am or I would have tried to offer support!!

I don't think it makes any difference to how bad you feel after a break-up whether there are children or not. In your case it's a complication because he's been a father to your child. It must be hard to know how you're supposed to feel if you know what I mean.

You can love someone just as much when you haven't had a child with them, of course.

Sorry Anorak, I feel like a bit of a wally I was throwing the mother and father of pity parties last night, I sent txts to him, I know big no no! but I swear I feel like I'm havin a nervous breakdown! I havent set foot outside the door since Monday, ah well thank God I'm startin this new job tomorrow! I think I'll name today as my last official day of mourning! Anyway sorry again for the rant earlier.

Aah,if I'd have been up at that time I'd have chatted to you,like Anorak said you dont love someone more because you have children with them,it can just be a bit harder to let go thats all,if you love him then you love him,simple as that.Did he reply to your texts?Bet you wish you hadnt have done that now?I always make a rule of not getting drunk if I think it may be possible that I will make contact with an ex!