DH, Drugs and Me....

[oldbeforemytime]

I'm hoping that some of you worldly mumsnetters can give me a bit of perspective on this...

When DH and I met we used to go out clubbing a lot and recreational drug use was part of our social life. Since becoming pregnant i've lost interest in clubbing etc byt DH hasn't. He has (after much pleading ) cut down how often he goes clubbing and rarely disappears abroad or to the other side of the country any more.

But, he still does a lot of drugs when he goes out and at the moment we have about 200 pills in our freezer, apparently it's cheaper to buy in bulk....

I could tolerate all this but DH feels betrayed that i no longer enjoy clubbing and getting off my face. I've tried going out straight but TBH I find it a bit of a let down and it just doesn't seem worth the effort, also I find Dh and his clubbing mates a bit ridiculous when thry're monged. My refusal to go out is causing massive problems and at the w/e DH said he thinks we should separate as i've lied about who I am and he can't understand why I've changed. He was drunk at the time but it's a recurring theme.

I'm not interested in all that except on the stereo and given that he's pushing 40 (i'm a lot younger) I find him a bit sad and desperate. Any tips on getting him to accept that I find all that boring and would rather watch a video?

Sorry this is so long!

I take it you don't have anything deadly in your house then (knives? bleach? glue? )

I agree he's being irresponsible though, I just think these things should be taken in perspective.

lucy, you can't compare having knives, bleach and glue in the house to having 200 es in the freezer. It's not illegal to have knives, bleach and glue in the house, is it? No police are going to storm in, and no crazed bleach addicts are going to come after you and yours. You are not going to be struck off from your job or sent to prison for these items. What is more you will most likely be compus mentis while you are using these items and remember to put them away safely again afterwards.

Well, the point about being compus mentis is the best one so far. But I'm presuming that OBMT's DH isn't in sole charge of the child while on E.

But as I said earlier, E users are not like crack addicts. I think it is very easy to get carried away with these things when propertionately, children are far more likely to have other kinds of accidents (even taking into account the fact that not very many people take it).

Agree that E users aren't the same as crack addicts, and that Toni Anne Byfield is a bit of red herring IMO as her father was involved in Yardie gangs in Jamaica, which is much more dangerous than being in the Mafia, and it was the Yardie connection that did for her dad and her.
Iron tablets kill babies, alcohol can kill older children yet we keep them in the house.
However, I still don't think illegal drugs belong in a family home - particularly in these quantities and where there is drug dealing. I do think the illegality is the problem here, and the fact that you can't be a good parent while actually on drugs. I don't like drugs, have never taken drugs but know perfectly nice people who do or have done, but not once they have children.

Message withdrawn

why is being in a Yardie gang 'much more dangerous than being in the Mafia'?

I would say they are about the same donnie, ruthless and corrupt.

well yes doormat, I agree but someone else said very confidently that being in the Yardies ( is that what you say ?) is 'much worse'.Personally I find all gang / organised crime culture vile as it exists on a diet of drugs, guns , slave trading and prostitution, and frankly I think all drug dealers are choosing to buy into this way of life. And every time anyone takes a bit of cocaine they are ensuring that farmers in Colombia etc are oppressed and starved, and giving more money to the drugs barons to buy guns and kill children like Toni Ann Byfield.

Of course I know Yardie crime is drug crime. I'm not stupid. But selling Es to your friends is NOT likely to involve you in international gun feuds involving ruthless Jamaican gangsters coming round to shoot your kids. It just isn't. It's like saying having a drink will make you a Yardie target. In this country, gun and drug crime from Jamaica is quite big, ruthless and public. When was the last time you heard of ordinary civilians going about their ordinary business being caught up in a Mafia hit in the UK? I live in S London. There are reports of Yardie shootings week in week out. The E culture is TOTALLY different. I don't take drugs, have never taken drugs, but I, like most people who live in a city, know people who who do and who have. And much as I dislike the drugs trade, they are not evil people.

What happened with this oldmeforemytime ? Have you had your baby yet ? Has your DH changed his lifestyle ?

Well, he scared himself sh**less by spending 4 hours driving round in circles before summoning me to come and get him at 5 in the morning. Ironically he'd left the club early because he was bored and tired. When he called Ireally thought he'd been arrested fro driving under the influence.

The main thing is that the big goody bags are gone, so feel much calmer. He still would lke to go out more (and for me to go with him) but that can't happen at the moment because of work pressures and I still have no interest in going out with him and his saddo 40 year old mates who are desperately clinging to their youth.

I think I've just made peace with the fact that he's pretty crap in most ways and go my own sweet way.

Thanks for asking.

LOL, OBMT!

Hey Ho! But I think it's sweet that he DOES want you with him, even tho it does sound like an embarrassing nght from hell, and I'm not surprised you are glad of the excuse to bow out!

Glad to hear that things are a little more settled for you now and that those little white 'doves' have flown their chilly nest.