Skip to main content
Skip to main navigation
Skip to talk navigation

Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Saved Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Flip

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

1 2 3 4

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Relationships

My partner is an arse right?

83 replies

uniquegeek · 07/04/2011 04:59

I posted recently on AIBU re my boyfriend who didn't buy me a birthday card or present but happily let me pay for his spa on my birthday.
When I got upset about his lack of consideration he got angry.
Anyway last night I read his facebook page and he'd posted a public statement about if he should move towns or not. I got upset about this as I felt he should talk to me first. This is the first I'd heard of it.We had a row. I said I really needed him right now as my mum is dying. I asked him to come round so at leat we can talk about our differences. My dad told me yesterday and we are devastated.He didn't come round and comfort me but instead ignored my calls and de=friended me on facebook. Whenever we row he stonewalls like mad. i don't feel anything. I'm numb. This man is a not worth it is he?

OP posts:

Report

madonnawhore · 07/04/2011 13:31

This is freaky. OP, are you me posting from two years ago...?

So many similar details, even down to the birthday spa thing.

Weird.

Yes he's an arse. Get rid.

madonnawhore · 07/04/2011 13:33

When my ex and I broke up, he defriended me from facebook and he also defriended all my girlfriends with whom he'd become friends with over the years of being with me.

Apparently he sent them all really long, rambling messages about how he had no choice but to defriend them and how he hoped they understood.

They all thought he was a cock. As did/do I.

Your boyfriend sounds exactly the same OP.

holyShmoley · 07/04/2011 16:11

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

oldwomaninashoe · 07/04/2011 16:42

So sorry to hear about your Mum. If he doesn't feel enough natural affection for you to offer you support just forget him and disentangle yourself from this selfish individual.
It may hurt in the short term, but far less now than if you remain together ....he will never change. Spend all your free time and energy on your Mum and Dad they both need your support x

islandgirl1 · 07/04/2011 16:57

I am so sorry to hear about your mum OP.

If this guy can't be there for you at a time like this he never will be. It seems he has saved you the bother of getting rid with the whole defriending you business so don't waste your time responding to any calls/messages etc.

What matters now is you and your family - make that your priority. I'm thinking of you all xx

atswimtwolengths · 07/04/2011 18:00

So sorry to hear about your mum.

This man is a complete idiot who has only his own interests in mind. You don't love him - you might think you do, but actually you're misinterpreting your feelings. He's not a lovable person, is he? He's selfish and has no compassion and is not a friend to you. I imagine he makes you feel great at times, like the sun is shining on you, but then you feel awful at other times as though you are in shadow. He's not consistent in his behaviour, is he? It's common practice in bastards. He is manipulating the way you feel about him. If it were another friend, you wouldn't have anything to do with them.

Give the time your mum has left to her. Your so called boyfriend will make this a worse time for you, not better. Do what you can for your mum and dad now and you won't regret it.

Think of how your mum would feel, knowing she was leaving you with him. If she leaves you alone, she can be optimistic about your future. If she leaves you with him she knows you'll have a hard time ahead of you, with no promise that it will improve. I'm the mother of two children, 21 and 19, and the one thing that would make me happy in this situation would be thinking that either they were with someone who loved them (and acted like it) or they were on their own, so that they were free to meet someone who loved them.

FlamingJamie · 07/04/2011 18:02

Right

CatPower · 07/04/2011 18:28

He sounds like an absolute tosspot.

tb · 07/04/2011 19:42

Sorry to hear about your mum, Unique.

If I were you, I'd ask myself a tough question:

In the time your mum has left, would you rather spend it with her and your df, supporting each other, and enjoying the good bits there may be, or worry about abasing yourself to this apparent no-mark?

Sorry, to put it like that, but I'd bet any money, that as your mum's health deteriorates, he will get nastier, and demand increasing proof that 'you are really there for him' while accusing you of not being.

D U M P H I M - okay? Now

Hugs

xxxx

hairylights · 07/04/2011 20:16

First instinct. He isn't your "partner". If he was he wouldn't be behaving like thus he'd be communicating with you. and he is an arse.

uniquegeek · 07/04/2011 20:46

He just phoned up in tears saying how it is all his fault. He sounds deranged and says he wants to kill himself. I'm not sure why. It's manipulative I know but my heart does care. he has admitted he won't kill himslef but he just can't cope now he's not centre of attention. But I do love him. He has done some wonderful things with dd and he thinks I just see the negative in him.

OP posts:

PeterAndreForPM · 07/04/2011 20:48

it's in the script

why are you listening ?

PeterAndreForPM · 07/04/2011 20:49

are you going to put him back to centre of attention then

because he had a little breakdown ?

more fool, you

molemesseskilledIpom · 07/04/2011 20:51

MIND GAMES!

Ignore it. He's done you no favours and has acted like a selfish child and still is.

He wants reassurance all the time that he is a good person, when in actual fact he's a wanker. He knows full well that he is being selfish and is really letting you down when you need him most but wants YOU to tell him that it's ok.

Please dont fall for this. I have many a time and even knew what he was doing but still talked myself round in the end to see things from his point of view and ignored how I felt and how I was being treated.

You have enough to deal with with your mum alone. You do not need him. Your mum, dad and DD need you and they will not defriend you on FB when you ask them for a little support.

annielouisa · 07/04/2011 20:51

He's a cowardly man who wants you to dump him so he does not actually have to be the "bad guy". He is not worth your tears just concentrate on being with your mum and your family. I think it is just bad timing with your mum being ill he would have been an ar*e whatever.

uniquegeek · 07/04/2011 20:52

In the scripts? You mean classic abusive behaviour? I'm not listening 100% but there is 50 % that is because (sigh, sigh and sigh again) I do care about him. (i know I deserve a slap)

OP posts:

uniquegeek · 07/04/2011 20:53

i am being firm with him though and saying we are not working.

OP posts:

uniquegeek · 07/04/2011 20:53

And that it's over.

OP posts:

molemesseskilledIpom · 07/04/2011 20:55

I still care about my ex but I wont play game with him anymore. He talks to me about all sorts and even has the nerve to tell me that I made the wrong choice.

Ignore it and let him get on with it. In one ear and out the other. Use his patheticness to drive you forward and concentrate on those who matter.

I can understand why you still care for him, but you can still do that and not be subject to his bullshit.

uniquegeek · 07/04/2011 20:57

It's so hard. With the news about my mum and now this. It never rains but it pours.

OP posts:

welshbyrd · 07/04/2011 20:57

He is upset/suicidal because " he just can't cope now he's not centre of attention. "

Do you think he should "be centre of attention" for the rest of your lives?

Are you going to put up with these selfish/stupid/suicidal dramas, everytime he thinks he has taken a back seat attention wise?

doormat is coming to mind here

Very odd, you think this is normal

FWIW Im not seeing any positives in him, all negative IMO

welshbyrd · 07/04/2011 20:58

Sorry posted without saying I really feel for you, and your poor mum

Don’t want to miss threads like this?

Weekly

Sign up to our weekly round up and get all the best threads sent straight to your inbox!

Email address

Log in to update your newsletter preferences.

You've subscribed!

balia · 07/04/2011 21:00

He's a nutter.

Focus on your Mum, and your poor Dad.

Don't let him near your DD ever again - is this what you want her to think about relationships? That it is OK for a man to ignore her needs and refuse any emotional support? Do you think this is what your mum wants for you?

PeterAndreForPM · 07/04/2011 21:01

you will take him back

you already have, in your head

it's just semantics, now

the news about your mum should be galvanising you into cutting the dead wood from your own life, but I am afraid he is playing on your understandable vulnerability right now

and you will fall for it, unless you open your eyes and stop listening to his bull shit

welshbyrd · 07/04/2011 21:02

Just read your up-date OP, im glad to hear your staying strong, and not giving in to his mind-games, and general immaturity and disrespect

Im really wish you are you family good things for the future, I think now that idiot is out of your life, my wish has started to work

Flip

1 2 3 4

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.