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Relationships

My DH is leaving me.

101 replies

Porcelina · 02/04/2011 10:36

My DH is leaving me.

He'll be leaving at the start of May I think. For "a month or so" to stay with his brother but I don't think he'll be coming back. He isn't in love with me any more.

The past 8 months since DS2 was born have been tough and have, for the most part, been a blur of shit sleep, frequent crying, guilt, shit sleep, etc. But as with all things baby-related, it isn't forever, it passes, and in the past month or so the fog has really started to lift and I'm enjoying being a mum of 2 (finally). Sadly, while I've been wandering alone in this haze of physical but mostly emotional exhaustion, DH has completely closed himself off. In about November he started spending insane amounts of time on the xbox, and then increased the amount of martial arts he was doing, and then started running / training every night to the point that he was so exhausted he almost fell asleep at the wheel once or twice and I refused to let DS1 go anywhere in the car with him. I noticed that quite suddenly he stopped saying 'i love you' or giving me a kiss when he came in / went out etc, stopped sending me texts through the day. His behaviour was noticalbly cold and distant and I ended up writing him a letter asking what was going on. We've talked and he says that he loves me but he doesn't feel 'in love' with me, he doens't have any sexual feelings toward me (or at all in fact). He's totally focussed on his martial arts and training. He now does a different martial arts class every night, AND then goes out training for about 3-4 hours afterwards. He puts DS1 to bed while I sort out DS2 and then leaves the house right away and doesn't come home until 1am, sometimes later, depending what shift he's working. He has changed the crappy attitude, though... he's no longer cold and unfriendly, in fact he's very pleasant and chats to me quite normally.
He doesn't even want to try and work things out. He says how can he try when he doesn't feel anything? He won't miss a martial arts class to stay home for even one night to spend even a little time together. I can't believe he's willing to throw away our family life as easily as this.
The craziest thing is that we don't argue. We actually get on really well. There is no bad atmosphere in the house. He adores the boys and they love him, especially DS1... which brings me to my title question.. how the fuck do I explain this to my beautiful 3yr old? Where do I even start? I never, ever thought this would happen to my family. I always thought we were strong enough to get through anything, and now everything is falling apart and I can't do anything to stop it.

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positivesteps · 03/04/2011 00:51

Also when he says he's going at end of may for a month or so . I bet he's going to try it out at ow and if tht doesn't work then he will come bk to you. He's leaving his options open by saying he's going to brothers.
Also ever thought the reason he falls asleep at the wheel is because he's out till late every night at other womans? Tbh can't believe you haven't put your foot down by now and said he needs to be home to help out and also that you fancy some time out with friends and doing your hobbies - he's really taken and still taking the piss.