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Original poster

hmm just found out work colleague has been sleeping with another girl in our office as well as me....

54 replies

happenedagain · 02/04/2011 00:49

ok so tonight i was talking to a girl i used to work with and found out we have been sleping with the same person for the past few months Shock

Her and myself had been keeping it quiet. He ended their relationship by text last night. Also last night he had a conversation we me about moving our relationship forward and getting more serious Hmm.

I will not be moving our relationship forward atall. I didnt tell the other girl that I have been sleeping with him also and im not sure if i should or not as i dont want to upset her. But I would want to know.

I asked how often they had been seeing each other and she said about 3 or 4 times a week. I have a dd so only saw him once a week or once every 2 weeks. And when i did talk to him he acted liked he wanted a proper relationship with me. But he new that I didnt really want that as have alot going on.

Im not really sure what replies to expect, but just wanted to tell someone, I'm not terribly upset but as I like the other girl I do feel bad for her as she seems upset and I feel guilty that I have not told her. Should I tell her???

OP posts:
Tortington · 02/04/2011 00:50

ohhhhhhhhh hell no

LadyMacnet · 02/04/2011 00:52

Do not tell her. End it with the bloke. He can't be trusted.

Original poster
happenedagain · 02/04/2011 00:56

im defintly goingto end it with him.

I knew he could not be trusted anyway.

I just feel guilty for nottelling her. But I think if I told hr it would just upset her more :(

OP posts:
expatinscotland · 02/04/2011 01:00

End it with him. Tell her. If it were me, I'd want to know he's a lying sack of shit.

The walk away.

You're worth more than this low-rent crap.

Original poster
happenedagain · 02/04/2011 01:03

Its just lucky for me that I new he could not be trusted. I think that he thinks im an easy target because i have a dd and would not introduce a man to my dd untill i know its serious.

Also im not the type to chase after men so when ever he was with the other girl i didnt bother him atall, he had it well planned... arse hole

OP posts:
KatieMiddleton · 02/04/2011 01:19

Were you a proper couple then? Not just dating with benefits?

I think how serious we were would influence my decision-making.

garlicbutter · 02/04/2011 02:09

What an arse! However great the sex was, I wouldn't think it a brilliant idea to carry on with someone who lies so glibly & easily. (And who's so lazy, he doesn't even look beyond the same group for his multiple shags!)

I'd tell her. She may well be furious but, basically, you're furious together about being lied to by the same twunt. Better you know from each other than from him somebody else.

Bogeyface · 02/04/2011 02:29

While on the one hand I wouldnt want to hurt her anymore, I would tell her because as soon as you pack him in there is a good chance he will go back to her and she will end up back with him, non the wiser.

Its horrible, but I do think that to save her from him doing this to her again, you have no choice but to tell her.

LadyFannyofBumStreet · 02/04/2011 05:22

Tell her.

When you tell him it's over between you two, he might very well decide to try again with your work colleague. If she agrees then you'll have lost the chance to spare her from being used. Again.

ModreB · 02/04/2011 08:11

Tell her. There is always the risk that he will go creeping back to her when he realises that you are not going to be taking the relationship further and then carry on being a 2 faced git. She should know.

theresapotatoundermysink · 02/04/2011 08:19

What a knobber.

I would tell her. You have both been strung along so she should know. It may at least give her closure if she's upset he's ended things. It seems like you've handled all this with dignity so just keep going with it.

Eurgh bloody men. (i've had a bad week manwise too!)

MotherNight · 02/04/2011 08:36

I agree with Bogeyface, as soon as you pack it in he's going to go sraight back to her so you have to tell her.

BluddyMoFo · 02/04/2011 08:39

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

washnomore · 02/04/2011 08:54

What the others have already said - he's been hedging his bets and so he'll go straight back to her. I reckon it would be best to tell her as soon as possible. Just explain that you were in shock about it which is why you didn't tell her as soon as you found out. And explain why you're telling her at all.

He sounds like a prize twat, you're well off out of it.

TotorosOcarina · 02/04/2011 09:04

Tell her because:

A) if she doesn't know, when you tell him to 'do one' he could well go back to her and she would take him back as shes oblivious to his wrong doings!

and

B) by not telling her, IMO, you look compliciate to it! She will be thinking, if she finds out from someone else, 'OMG I can't believe I sat there pouring my heart out to 'happened again' and all the time she was shagging him too!'

noddyholder · 02/04/2011 09:08

I think a lot of people play the field and then meet someone they like 'more' and stop.Could it be he was a bit of a lad and then met you and decided to stop his antics and be faithful.Unless you have made a solid commitment you can sleep with who you like.

MillsAndDoom · 02/04/2011 09:11

Agree - you should tell her forthe reasons Totoros and Bogeyface et al have mentioned.

0891 · 02/04/2011 09:18

Will it cause a right old rift at work if you tell her?

I'm all for exposing lying shits for who they really are, but if it will adversely affect your work environment I'd seriously weigh up the consequences first.

hecate · 02/04/2011 09:29

Had you agreed before this that you were in an exclusive relationship and agreed that both of you would not be seeing anyone else?

Because unless you had that conversation, I actually think you are being unfair. You cannot assume exclusivity in a casual (new, no ties etc) relationship unless it is agreed.

Look at what he did. He was seeing a couple of people. He decided he wanted to get more serious with you and he broke it off with her. That is a man who is ready to get serious and move to exclusivity.

when you say he acted like he wanted more of a relationship, do you mean that he had said to you that he wasn't seeing anyone else?

I think that he should have told you he was seeing someone else too. That was wrong of him.
I think that if he had expressly told you that he was NOT seeing anyone else, he lied to you and he's a shit.
I think that if the two of you simply never had a conversation about it, then all you did was assume and it's not fair to punish him for your assumptions.

He wants to move things forward with you and so he has, so to speak, put all his eggs in your basket!

If he was a shit of the highest order, he wouldn't have ended the other relationship when he reached the point where he wanted a deeper relationship with you.

of course, ignore all this if he actually TOLD you, in clear words, that he was only seeing you.

noddyholder · 02/04/2011 09:31

hecate i couldn't agree more I was 'friends' with several blokes when I met dp but stopped seeing them when we got more serious. Thats how it generally works!

hecate · 02/04/2011 09:39

Yes. Me too. When I met my (now) husband, I was seeing another bloke. We very very quickly moved on to exclusivity mind Grin we were married 3 months after we met.

But it's not an exclusive relationship until it is agreed - in actual sentences involving words like "exclusive" and phrases like "not seeing anyone else" - that it's just the two of you. You have to both agree it, not assume it.

SpringchickenGoldBrass · 02/04/2011 10:07

Hecate beat me to it. It's not only stupid to assume a relationship is monogamous withiout discussing it, it's actually unethical.

Bogeyface · 02/04/2011 11:37

I see what Hec is saying, but that doesnt change the fact that the other girl clearly thought that they were seeing each other on a more serious basis. They saw each other 3/4 times a week and she doesnt seem to have had an inkling that he was also seeing the OP as she was so gutted when he finished it.

And if he does go back to the other girl then doesnt she deserve to know?

Xales · 02/04/2011 11:49

I hope you were all using condoms

Even if not I would get checked.

Northernlurker · 02/04/2011 11:53

Yes STD testing definately needed. I would tell her. Tbh there's a reasonable chance you two aren't the only people he's been shagging either.

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