i have been an absolute idiot

[nothingbetweenmyears]

says it all really. I am a regular lurker for obvious reasons and i know people on here in RL

It started with a works night out when he kissed me (about a month ago) and I did tell DH afterwards and he said not to worry. It then progressed to stupid stupid fb messaging and then texting. We all went out again this weekend and he tried it on again. And I did nothing to stop it.

Today something switched in my head and I cant believe I have been so so stupid. I was deeply deeply flattered and got carried away with those inital feelings you get when you know someone fancies you. I did nothing to discourage it, probably encouraged it if I am brutually honest.

I have a young DS and a loving DH who my friends always say is devoted to us and i know he would be absolutely devastated.

Today I've told him not to contact me anymore and deleted him from fb. He doesnt work in my office anymore so I wont ever see him again.

I feel so deeply ashamed at myself and I cant believe I have jeopadised (?sp) my marrage for this - this isnt the person I thought I had become :(

please get over it...it really is not that big a deal. you tell your husband then you will know what problems are!

SR, you might want to read the update

nothing - well, that's all good isn't it :)

He sounds lovely - I hope you can both work on it and get to a really happy place together and with DS x

He does sound lovely. You both do. Wishing you far more family unity, nothing, and some sound support with your esteem/attachment stuff :) You'll be fine. Go steady and well.

He is lovely :) and he deserves a happy, honest relationship. I do need to look at myself and my issues and stop allowing them to mess up the best the relationship I have ever had

So very pleased to read your update. I always think courage and honesty bring their own rewards and the wonderful thing is that you've now got a clean slate to work on - no secrets, no lies and a pathway to more emotional honesty.

Well done and my sincere good wishes to an honest, self-aware woman who has taken complete responsibility for her actions. Walk tall now.

Im so glad you told your DH OP because here's what I felt when I read your posts - that your total shame and disgrace was like someone feels when they keep falling into an addiction. I'm not saying you are addicted to your 'fling' but that in some ways it provided what addictions provide: an escape and temporary release from underlying unhappiness, particularly unhappiness that feels impossible to change or address. The reason I am glad you told your DH is because I think that if you hadn't you may have fallen again into the same trap, felt total disgust with yourself, stopped it again, fell again. It is a miserable cycle BUT I think that by telling your DH you have made a huge step towards breaking that cycle, hopefully for good. But I do think you both need to act on this information and do all you can to reignite the fire in your relationship.

I also agree that you now have a clean slate, you can start again afresh. Leave it behind you OP and push on. We're all fallible and make crap mistakes sometimes.