Visiting porno websites and been found out

[happycat]

Just come back from a computer course and have learnt some new tricks like what the history button is for and hey presto found out something I do not like about my hubby and the sites he has been visiting getting my drift.At the moment I am still in shock and feel sick (sexy women only I might add)and couples.Any one else experienced this I haven't spoken to him yet but if he goes into history now I have put in divorse websites.HELP

I was wondering about the 3 or 4 orgasms myself...maybe we should start another thread on that? Oh yes, there probably is one going already. I can't think of an intelligent and senstive statement to make on the subject of porno. I would hope that my DH would be happy enough with me, but those desires usual have nothing to do with a DH being happy with his DW. I believe the line is drawn with me if it effects the family name or my children. For Eagle and HappyCat, your turmoil is so personal, I hope you have found some support in this thread.

I am with wiltshire on this - it must be a young man's thing. dh has just turned 58 and seems to find porn totally laughable. Sometimes he stays up late and surfs the internet looking at heating systems, door fixings and the like (we are renovating our home). He loves looking at DIY catalogues too.

A previous partner used to buy mags quite openly and I just left him to it - it stopped him from pestering me!

bobsmum - I do agree with some of your points. There is a lot of corruption but hasn't there always been porn around - Victorians had their saucy postcards.

wiltshire, it did do a lot of damage but we are over the process of sorting it out, it was a long time ago now (about 18 months ago). I made my dh suffer - not out of vindictiveness but more a desire to make sure he truly understood how serious his behaviour was. To give him his due, he never complained and took his punishment like a man, fully admitting his total responsibility. I had to be sure he understood how hurt and angry I was, otherwise I would not have been able to forgive him.

If he ever did it again or anything like it it is doubtful I could forgive again. To knowingly hurt me that much again would be cruel.

I think all this boils down to what is acceptable within a realtionship and how you view you and your partner's sexual urges and needs.

I came across my dad's porn stash when I was about 13 and was very shocked and told 2 of my friends at school. I should perhaps add here that my mum died when I was 9 and my dad brought me and my brother up on his own and has never had another partner. One of my friends told her mum and LUCKILY, this mum was very sensible about it all. She told her daughter who then told me, that these mags helped my dad in just ONE way and that it was not unnatural to have sexual urges. She told me not to be ashamed of what I'd found and try not to think badly of my dad and because of this, I didn't. I'm also not trying to say that because my dad was on his own then it was ok the have/use porn. But this experience gave me more of an insight into its use purely to "scratch an itch".

When I first started seeing dh I found his HUGE stash of porn one day when I was nosing around (serves me right) and I can't say it bothered me too much. When he moved in with me he chucked it all out because he said his "needs" were different in a sexually-satisfying relationship. However, I do admit to finding certain types of porn a turn-on (wait for the fall-out).... I have a vibrator, which I sometimes use on my own, sometimes with dh. I have a Nancy Friday book, which also gets an occasional read (on my own). I would say that mine and dh's sex life is very good and very varied. I don't mean we swing from the chandeliers, I mean that sometimes it's tender and relaxing, sometimes it's fast and furious, sometimes we talk dirty, sometimes there's no need, etc etc. I would be worried if porn was my dh's ONLY method of being sexually satisfied or if we had no sex life to speak of but he used porn himself. In the context of a mutually satisfying relationship, I don't find its use offensive. (I'm talking "mainstream" porn here).
The top and bottom of it is that both partners need to try to understand each other's needs. And that also means that if one finds it offensive and upsetting, the other has to take this on board.
Hope I haven't offended anyone, (or grossed them out with the details of my sex life); I'm just trying to put another viewpoint in.

Donnie, no need to feel sorry for me either. I don't feel humiliated in the slightest. Why should I? I don't feel awful or used so clearly your "all women" statement is a bit overstated there. At the end of the day, its me DH wants to sleep with, not some "fantasy" woman in a magazine or on the screen. What's to feel humiliated about??

I agree with Wiltshire, if it was parrots/pigs/preggaporn or canaries in a black bin bag, I'd be seriously worried.

Have to say theres varying opinion here.I admit to being in a minority or at least seems that way.Only prob I have with porn is bad storylines make me laugh.I watch/read with partner and enjoy black lace books.My partner was worried at first that I might be offended but now we are open with each other even to talking about who we think worth fantasising over and why.If he says to me that a woman is sexy or has big boobs I laugh and just say that as long as it's only looking it doesn't matter.I also admit that if he shows me a pic of female I'll comment and we both have same taste in that dep.Am not bi but appreciate beauty.
I do not find it degrading and as for the tale of the women being forced/made to do films etc. this is actually false most choose to do it others enjoy it.I am also not to be felt sorry for as I am not deluding myself actually I sometimes find myself asking to watch a film.
As for the orig letter,I think it's far more worrying that the husband has secret bank account.My first question would be why?This is an extremely odd thing to do as a couple there should be no such thing as his and hers money.My partner and I have believed that from the very beginning.

women enjoy themselves????

I must admit that I dont play with myself, I prefer dh to play with me.If I found out he was sorting himself out I would hit the roof only because he didnt ask me to do it. If I was not in the mood for nookies he could do what he likes as it would save me the job.

We all have differing opinions on this subject and I think it is down to the individual couple how there relationship is managed in the sexual context. What is acceptable or not.
Eagle I really sympathise with you, it must of been very hard at the time.

nerdgirl- sean is mine

Eulalia, we must be married to brothers. We are renovating and my DH looks up things like Tool websites, diy websites. His web history makes him look about as interesting as watching grass grow.

Oh and I enjoy myself loads. I read somewhere that orgasm strengthens the Uterus, thus resulting in not having to drink disgusting RLT. This was all I needed to go and have good old reef around whenever I feel like it and think of that man with humungous todger/sean/DH whatever takes my fancy, really.

Not canaries in black platic bags though!!

God if I ever meet anyone on here, I will die.

ROFL !!!

I am in agreement with Singingmum on this subject

Am also with Wiltshire on her 2nd to last post

Am I alone in finding most porn humourous ?? I have to say that I think it's 20% titilating and 80% down-right hilarious for me. All that big hair and make up and the staging, 'storylines' and 'script', good for a laugh if nothing else !

wickedstepmother
They should make black lace books into films then I think women would not spend so much time laughing and it wouldn't be so seedy to some others.The tackiness of most make it seem so bad.

They do make porn films for women singingmum. Have never seen one but I've heard positive reports from those I know that have. I have a couple of well-thumbed (excuse the expression) black lace books. I could do with an update tbh. Also I've just realised that I own more 'aids' than DH does. I have 3 vibrators (one dead ) and 2 books. DH has 2 videos, so perhaps I'm the one with the 'problem' ?!!!

BTW - My 'collection' bears no relation to my sexual or otherwise relationship with DH.

But a wank is seedy. Get it? Seed-y.... (there's my dirty little secret.. I like puns.)

A quote I've always liked is from Mrs. Patrick Campbell: "It doesn't matter what you do in the bedroom as long as you don't do it in the street and frighten the horses."

(Both of those were, strictly speaking, irrelevant to the topic. Sorry about that.)

Like that quote. Good for Mrs Campbell.

Js, canary in a black bag - something to do with getting a bird in the sack. Far Far down on this post.

Bobsdad - you're a brave man,, sticking your head above the parapet like that! Keep posting. It's good to have a male perspective on this estrogen dominated site!!

Moomin - Of course you didn't sound smug. We're all just talking about our own experiences here except for ...

Donnie and Charliecat - gross generalisation there girls! I totally agree with Fairymum, Wiltshire and Soupdragon on this one. It doesn't make me feel awful that my husband enjoys looking at naked women. He's a straight man! Duh!

Doormat - you and I and Whymummy have discussed the sharing of said Mr. Bean on at least one occasion. No way do you get to keep him for yourself

nerdgirl I will have his nether region then, you and whymummy can fight for the scraps

jj love it seed-y

doesnt supermarket music sound like porno music

I like it outdoors, great fun

Doormat, no way do you get that ass!! I was thinking of more of a timeshare kinda deal!

Can't wait for the Two Towers DVD in November - more Boromir. Yay!!

Hi back from a weekend away.Thanks for all your support.I did have a word in his shell like and was very understanding and said that if he did want to do that sort of thing to buy some mags or something and hide them well away from the kids.I explained that I wish he had told me about it it was the secret thing that got to me I think at the end of the day.I too don't feel humiliated in any way that wasn't the point because we to have a good sex life and I still need those extra fantasys too and have 2 vibrators but he knows about them it has never been a secret and I have allways known that he sorts himself out at times this has never been a problem either.So there you go he has promised not to do it on the our computer anymore.I know he would never want to be with those women anyway because they are all a bunch of slappers.And a huge point here is why are men in porno's always so ugly with lots of hair and they keep their socks on yuk.